New Posts  All Forums:
 

Ldsmamas #6 - Page 5

post #81 of 95
9/23/02 at 3:56pm
Thread Starter 
sunday is quitte often the worst day of the week for us. sometimes i've wondered why i put myself and my family through it. i've even looked longingly as we drive past other churches; people outside chatting after their 1hr meeting. sometimes i'm only there because i know that's where i'm supposed to be. otoh, if i had more faith, i could cast my sunday burdens on the lord and enjoy it more, but i'm just not there yet. kids awake.

You may also like:

AAP Tells Pediatricians to Support Home Birthing Mothers.
There Is Not Always a "Fix" For the Difficult Child
10 Things You Don't Need For a New Baby
post #82 of 95
9/23/02 at 11:00pm
Laurel, I tried to respond earlier, but my computer crashed. So I'm back. I just wanted to say that I had a RS committee calling the first about 8 mos. after dd #1 was born. I didn't do ANYTHING! I was so overwhelmed with taking care of a baby. I spent the better part of 3 hours in the mother's lounge b/c she nursed so often in the first 3 months, and I often wondered why I bothered coming. I tried to do that committee, and it was just more than I could handle. I think that people don't often realize (or somehow remember later) what kind of adjustment it is to have a little body in your home and life! If you're feeling this conflicted, then by all means make it clear that you need to meet the needs of ds first!

Surely people would support anything that would enhance a relationship between you and your baby, and your efforts to bf ds will really do exactly that. I think there's this mistaken idea in the church that we're supposed to be wonder women. Ask for a 3 month "leave of absence" or 6 month to meet the needs of your tiny baby, and when he's a bit more adjustable, then see what you can do!

There's a mom of twins who just moved into our ward--they're cute baby boys about 5 mos. old. They just gave her the perfect new mom calling: missionary meal coordinator! She can just use the phone! At least, I really think it's perfect. I know I was on the phone all the time "back then." (Nursing babies ...).

What people don't realize--at least, I didn't--is how many hours in the day a 2 or 3 or s6 month old baby takes to care for. Not to mention lack of sleep. It takes really hours to nurse _or_ bottlefeed as many times as they need. A good, unstressed diaper change takes 10 min. at the minimum--and most babies want a lot of interaction when they're awake--talking to their face and stuff. That should be your focus.

Okay, this got long, but part of what we believe is instinctual/spiritual parenting, and if you feel a conflict between your family and your calling, that should not be!

About putting in literature: you could always leave something in there "by accident" for a couple of weeks. I think it's a good idea but you want to be careful that no lines are crossed about equating or associating the Church organization with another organization. You could ask s/o in general terms/hypothetical situation ...
post #83 of 95
9/24/02 at 1:12am
Sorry I've been missing in action the past little while- things have been nutso around here lately. I've been planning a baby shower for a good friend, getting my orchestra started up again, and planning yet another ward activity. Add a sick little one, and you have one crazy week. I mean, I like to be busy, but last week was a little ridiculous. :

About church attendance- I have felt the same way a lot recently. DD is become more and more active and mobile by hte day, and sometimes the Sunday block of meetings feels like a giant circus trying to keep dd quiet and out of trouble. We never make it to Sunday school, and sacrament meeting is last, so by that time, she is usually so frustrated that we spend more time trying to keep her entertained than we do paying attention to the meeting. It's really frustrating, and there are times where I've felt so frustrated coming home from church that I wondered why I went at all. But I think we need to go because it's a commandment. Because we are told to stand in holy places, and we want to show our children a good example- going to church on Sunday because that is where we are supposed to be. But more than that I think we need to go for the spirit that is there. I think that there are times when the spirit can teach us through a lesson or a thought given, and if we're not there, we'll miss it. It doesn't happen everytime, but I don't have big spiritual experiences every time I read the scriptures, pray or go to the temple. But I keep doing those things because I hope and am searching for those spiritual experiences and uplift. Now, I just need to keep telling myself these things when I have Sundays like we did yesterday....

Drewsmom- we are really struggling with scheduling issues too. I'm teaching again now though, and I'm hoping that getting up and going to bed at a consisitent time each day will help the situation. Also, I'm going to tryi to shoot for a consistent nap time, or a nap at all... DD is not a great sleeper, and when she doesn't sleep, she gets even more cranky and wound up. So we're working on becoming more consistent, and I think she'll thrive on it. I also try and plan one "outing" every day, even if it's just a walk around the street, or a visiting teaching appointment. That way we don't end up in the house all day, and we both get a change of scenery.

Someone asked about marraige relationships the other day, and I didn't have a chance to respond, and I feel bad because I can't find the original post now. Marraiges are so hard- it's so difficult to constantly be with someone and try to make alife with them. No matter how much you love a person, it's still difficult to handle all the little, mundane, day to day things that come up. I think it's especially hard when there are financial troubles, or troubles with kids, etc- things that are common to young couples! I think the key would be honest but kind communication. DH and I have a tendency to be silent when troubles come up, and we could both spend days not talking to each other when we're upset. But if we take a minute to take a deep breath and discuss what's really on our mind in a quiet and kind way, things are usually resolved fairly quickly. I have a big tendency to blow things out of proportion, and one little irritation from my dh can sometimes have me stewing for hours about all his faults. When I give him the benefit of the doubt and realize that he doesn't mean to hurt my feelings/ be careless etc, I stop taking everything so personally. A couple of friends of ours are going through counseling theough LDS Family Services, and have had a great improvement in their relationship- is this an option? Being in counseling is not a failure- it's a way to make a marraige work. I
wish I remembered who posted the question so that I could give them a huge hug.... I guess one of these will have to do!
post #84 of 95
9/24/02 at 2:35pm
People definitely do forget what it's like with a newborn. I remember driving to the distribution center with ds when he was 3 wk.s old to finally buy nursing garments and I could barely (literally) hold him, pay, pick out what I needed and keep my bleary eyes open and words coherent. These sweet old ladies were just looking at me like, what in the world planet are you from? It was quite comical.

Stacymom, thanks. It was me that posted but I erased it pretty quickly. I had a meltdown this weekend and dh took care of ds for pretty much the whole time. We talked last night. I know this is bad but I just wanted to see how long dh would go with ignoring me. I know we all have bad communication habits learned from our own families. It's been quite stressful since we moved here (new place, new job, new baby, etc) The type of job dh is in requires very, very long hours at times and on top of that he's studying to take the CPA. He's already a bit of a work-a-holic as it is and so with no $ right now and no time there's no individual time that I can have to recoop. If I could pay a babysitter to come watch ds I would but I want for one of us to put him to bed so I can't leave him with a friend at night. But I've realized that for my sanity and safety as well as the baby's that I need some type of regular let down time. Most of the time I love being with ds but he's hitting that independent stage and when you find yourself depressed and frustrated then the baby starts acting in response to that and it just gets worse. It's funny b/c I usually don't watch this but I actually had what I believe to be a prompting yesterday to watch Dr. Phil and he talked about this. I thought in the end that he gave one of the ladies bad advise (return to work) but it helped to know that others feel that way...& it helped just to have some individual time this weekend.

Sometimes I struggle with having goals and that's frustrating b/c my #1 goal is to raise a happy child and try to set a good tone in our home but when I do have some free time it's hard to know what to be doing. I think I found some answers though. Scheduling is going much better...we started a "Playschool" every Tues. with friends and I found a book with Boredom Busters that I've written down several activities for us to do each day. It _really_ helps me to feel like I'm being a better mom (btw I'm definitely not the type who has cute little handouts, etc and is frustrated b/c I can't get to doing stuff like that. I'm lucky to have showered and have the dishes done at the end of the day) and teaching drew. Also, there's an ESL class that our ward is starting that I'm going to probably start doing on Sat. mornings. Anyway, thanks for your hugs Stacymom..they really help.
post #85 of 95
9/24/02 at 4:02pm
Thread Starter 
Drewsmom, congrats on reaching out! It is so hard when you're down, but it always helps. I hope you get through your storm. For me, the meltdown is kind of the climax and then things start to clear up. Its like you have to get it all out of your system and look at it from a different angle. For me that always means tears.
I was thinking back to when I had only one toddler. I remember some ladies from the ward would meet at the park once a week. I would look forward to that all week and spend hours and hours there. I remember feeling lonely even though my family was in town. My dad even worked across the street from our house, so we saw them a lot. I just wanted to feel like more than a babysitter. I have found that that is what homemaking is all about. I have learned to find more joy in sewing, cooking, food storage, baking bread, decorating and even cleaning. I recently started meal planning and I am amazed at how much we're saving in groceries.

On another note, I recently checked out moonbucket's website and saw the picture of her family. She looked WAY different than I ever imagined her. It made me realize that we all probably have different images of each other. What do you think I look like? What do you look like (nothing personal, just haircolor, build, height...) I know it sounds silly, but it makes me smile.
post #86 of 95
9/25/02 at 1:16am

God moves in a mysterious way

I am just amazed how well the Lord knows us, knows our thoughts, and can answer prayers that we haven't even formally verbalized yet.

Dh and I got called in to see the bishop tonight, and I got released from my ward missionary/SS calling. I wanted to cry with relief. I've spent the past few days wondering how I could break it to people that I just couldn't handle it right now. I was feeling so guilty for resenting a calling. I've been so frazzled with life anyway the past little while, and every time I even thought about my calling, I felt angry.

I'm going to be ward organist, which is perfect for me. I have a master's degree in organ performance, I've been missing playing sooo much. This is a calling I can really magnify, yet won't stress me out at all. And best of all, ds can eat during Sunday School (until he decides to change his eating times )

The only downside is that dh is going to be ward mission leader, and he'll be gone even more evenings that he is already. But I still feel so much better about life!
post #87 of 95
9/25/02 at 5:12pm
When our heart's desire is in allignment with the will of God, then He makes the way for us to be able to do His will (appropriate care for our family!!!).

Laurel, I'm very glad for you. Organist means you can nurse just before you leave for church, after the Sacrament hymn, after the rest hymn, and all through the rest of church! Unlike for me, I play piano fine, but being called to be ward organist would TERRIFY me. (As a result, I'm doing organ lessons this year ...). You take care of what's important.


Chumani,
How are things going for you? Any improvement? We're thinking about you ... If you need to vent/grouse here, it's the place ...
post #88 of 95
9/25/02 at 8:06pm
nt
post #89 of 95
9/26/02 at 6:27pm
Thread Starter 
Hmmm, well, I thought you looked like a moonbucket! No, I was picturing short, black hair, heavy set and very loud and funny. You might still be loud and funny, but you don't look like it in your picture, which, btw, is beautiful. Do you think its grammatically correct to have 4 commas in one sentence like that? I bet you feel so relieved about your calling! Oh, I know that feeling. You know, those people in your ward might be thinking that, but they are probably really intrigued by you and want to get to know you better. They want to know WHY you are willing to stand out a little. I know that's how I am with people who seem different. I am always glad when I finally get to know them. I always smile when I NIP. I think it is especially funny around children who have never seen it and they're really wondering what's goin on in there! Glad to have you back, moonbucket, and I hope you are enjoying your crazy life. Do you like working with dh?

So here's my major dilemma: I am the chorister for primary, a calling I love. I wanted to do something more with the nursery, but going into the class is hard because my ds is in there and it would throw him off for me to come and leave, etc. Plus the times I'm not in singing time, I'm nursing ds. So I had this great idea that during the 1st 5-10min which is major transition anyway, I'd have the nursery kids meet in the primary room where the jr. primary is and we sing a few fun activity songs. After a few songs, I have the jr primary sing a reverent song while the nursery kids walk to nursery. It has been so fun. All the kids love getting started that way and it helps the transition for the nursery kids into primary. Plus it is easier for the parents to come in and do something fun with them than just leave them in a room full of toys when half the time the teacher hasn't arrived yet. So I tried it and it was working and so I asked the PPres if I could continue it and she said yes, no big deal. Then the next Sunday she came to me and said, this isn't going to work. Her only excuse was that it was too chaotic and that the Sunbeams in Jr primary are too rowdy without bringing the nursery kids in. My problem with that excuse is that she has NEVER been in the primary room during singing time, especially the 1st 5 mins. I am the only one dealing with the kids then (most of the teachers haven't arrived yet), and it hasn't been any extra burden on ME. So I asked her to let me do it and have her sit in and see, but she just didn't have time for that. So today my good friend mother figure who is also in the pp, called me and tried to tell me it is against the handbook or something. So I just started crying and she now feels torn between me and ppres. I feel like my nice little magnifying of my calling has been totally blown up all because it wasn't pres's idea. I said, if she doesn't want me to do it that's fine, I will obey her, but I won't have her telling me I was wrong or broke a rule because I was doing something GOOD! So today I spent all day looking for the handbook which, btw, SHE never gave me one. (I bet it says in the handbook that you are supposed to give it to all the primary workers, lol) Now I'm torn because I want to be humble and submissive. I hate when contention enters a presidency. I dealt with that for a long time in my old ward and it was horrible. Otoh, I feel like what I started was good and helpful to everyone involved and her problem with it is sort of a power trip. RANT RANT RANT. Thanks for letting me get all that out. Any opinions would be helpful. Support is necessary at this point. As I write, I believe I'm coming down with the flu. My dh just called to tell me he's on his way home and feeling miserable. Now who will take care of me? Wah wah wah
post #90 of 95
9/27/02 at 10:59am
momnloveit-:better Sending you love, sympathy, prayers and lots of happy healthy thoughts! Hope it helps, good luck!


p.s. Those of you watching the R.S.General meeting on Saturday, I will be in the chior! My seat is on the right side (my left, congregations right)center,second row up, fourth seat in.I'm strawberry blonde in a green shirt,forgetting the words of the last 3 verses of "The spirit of God". I'm so exited!
post #91 of 95
9/27/02 at 10:10pm
Thread Starter 
I felt so much better after that post! Now things are okay. DH's hour commute helped him get rid of his headache and I'm feeling much better. My mother-figure friend ended up calling salt lake about it (lol because she's luny), and they said there's nothing in the handbook that disagrees with that so as long as it is ok with the priesthood leader, its fine. So now we just have to convince the pres. I'm glad she's taken it into her hands because I'm not interested in battling it out with this particular lady. Thanks for the hugs Audrey, I'll be looking for you. Gotta go write my talk for Sun.
post #92 of 95
9/28/02 at 3:53am
Just wanted to check in and thank you all for the great discussions you've been having. Even though I haven't participated, I have benefitted from reading.

I seem to be coming through the rough time with my 7yo son, and I am so grateful that he's doing better. Now that I am two months away from baby's due date, my thoughts are turning to the birth and preparing emotionally and practically (we're planning a homebirth).

Now I'm off to sleep in my new, bigger, much more comfortable bed that was just delivered today. I can't wait for a good night's sleep! (With lots of potty breaks, of course )
post #93 of 95
9/28/02 at 3:08pm
momnloveit it realy sounds like you are a great music leadrer. I love the primary music and it is so helpful to teach with and bring the spirit to the primary. The music leader has a great opertunity to be realy creative when teaching the songs. (Do you know http://www.theprimarypage.com? I love this place, great ideas) I just was released from three years in the presidency. The only thing that I was thinking as I read your post is that may be this came from someplace else besides the pres. May be the nusery leader had a problome, or the sunbeam teachers.

I admier you for having the nursery come in with you. Some of the time the sunbeams were to much to handle for me.( We had to have 2 sunbeem classes and 2 nursery classes...Large Primary) The music leadder would go to the nursery for 10-15 minutes and sing with them. The snowman song and others that the kids could eaiser sing along with.
post #94 of 95
9/29/02 at 1:58am
AudreyJoy~
Just wanted to say you all did a wonderful job tonight singing for the Relief Society Meeting. I was so moved by the second song. It was so beautiful. I'm sure it was a great experience for you to be there.

I want to add that I too have only had time to browse lately and not to post much, but I have appreciated the words and advice of those who have. Hopefully in the coming months I can become more involved in the discussion.

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!
post #95 of 95
10/4/02 at 5:20pm
Thread Starter 
It looks like we've all been pretty busy. I'm starting a new thread so we can get going again!

You may also like:

AAP Tells Pediatricians to Support Home Birthing Mothers.
There Is Not Always a "Fix" For the Difficult Child
10 Things You Don't Need For a New Baby