Today, it's offically the 19th, would be my 7th wedding anniversary 
. Ya know, 50 other weeks of the year, my comment is, "well, I told him he'd only get rid of me by dying... I didn't think he'd actually do it" Days like today, I offend myself! 
I am so thankful to be surrounded by reminders to have faith in love (like you Lisa 
) and knowledge that the universe will not leave me without exactly what I need when I actually need it ~ right now, I would love to have someone and yet I don't know if I could make it thru another leap of faith, I mean it's 50-50 I could be right here again, this time with MORE kids than just the two, and less heart than I have right now!!! Someone once told me, it's not their birthday, you're not their mother, it's not father's day, they're not your dad, but your wedding day when the two became one and the promises were forged that is *your* sad day :cry So today I cry for the promises kept and the promises broken, the dreams I saw come true and the dreams that are shattered by his absence...
We've just moved to the place DH & I spent part of our honeymoon... MIL is coming to this corner of the world for the first time, this may be cathartic, but it's not gonna be pleasant nor fun! It's still soooooo painful for us to be around each other, even just twice a year ... When will this get easier? Will it get easier? How will it get easier? Do I really want it to get easier? does easier mean not important anymore? The details of our life get fuzzy for me, I know they're gone for the kids ... I don't want to "idealize" their daddy, but I want/need them to remember!!! Baby Hayden's 4th birthday is on Wednesday. This means he's had half of his birthday's without his Daddy (Hannah's birthday is Thursday, but I've got two more years til her "half life" crying jag 
) 
. Ya know, 50 other weeks of the year, my comment is, "well, I told him he'd only get rid of me by dying... I didn't think he'd actually do it" Days like today, I offend myself! I am so thankful to be surrounded by reminders to have faith in love (like you Lisa ) and knowledge that the universe will not leave me without exactly what I need when I actually need it ~ right now, I would love to have someone and yet I don't know if I could make it thru another leap of faith, I mean it's 50-50 I could be right here again, this time with MORE kids than just the two, and less heart than I have right now!!! Someone once told me, it's not their birthday, you're not their mother, it's not father's day, they're not your dad, but your wedding day when the two became one and the promises were forged that is *your* sad day :cry So today I cry for the promises kept and the promises broken, the dreams I saw come true and the dreams that are shattered by his absence...We've just moved to the place DH & I spent part of our honeymoon... MIL is coming to this corner of the world for the first time, this may be cathartic, but it's not gonna be pleasant nor fun! It's still soooooo painful for us to be around each other, even just twice a year ... When will this get easier? Will it get easier? How will it get easier? Do I really want it to get easier? does easier mean not important anymore? The details of our life get fuzzy for me, I know they're gone for the kids ... I don't want to "idealize" their daddy, but I want/need them to remember!!! Baby Hayden's 4th birthday is on Wednesday. This means he's had half of his birthday's without his Daddy
(Hannah's birthday is Thursday, but I've got two more years til her "half life" crying jag ) 
Now we are expecting a baby~it feels like this child is completing our family and it represents Hope, Love & Faith.
Theirs is the most enduring, wonderful story... When they met, he asked her out, but she said no, often! He then met, fell in love with, and married her best friend. All were friends for over 35 years. When Yolanda (the bestfriend/wife) was dying 4 years ago, she looked at her husband and said, "Leave Armida (my MIL) alone!" and died soon after 
He then proceeded to sit in his chair for most of the next few *years*, mouring or as he says "waiting for Armida." So he shows up at her church, joins the choir, takes her *and her mother* out for lunch, comes by to do odd jobs 'round gramma's house, etc, etc. *FINALLY* after 40 years, she agrees to a date! (She has now learned "nothing says 'I'm alive' like a good orgasm" :LOL) They are so in love it just inspires me! (though I don't want to wait til I'm 60, it *does* seem worth the wait!!) Imagine teenagers in grownup bodies... they do the *cow-eye* thing at each other, they're always touching and it's all about the "yes, dear!" His presence has truly made it easier for the two of us to be together. On Thursday, we toasted "The day your son welcomed his son into this world" and yeah, we cried, but it was good healthy tears. And I knew she would have someone to comfort her, should she need it. 
