What do you say?

[happyday8598]

This morning I was talking with Owen and Caleb's caregiver, and had mentioned that I put a book in the diaper bag about VBAC if she wanted to read it. She had a c-section with her first baby, and was hoping to try for vaginal delivery next time around.

I am VERY optimistic toward her about how it IS DEFINATELY possible.

She's VERY into what the doctors have to say.

I was speaking about how a lot of deliveries that end in c-sections don't necessarily have to... I am familiar with a lot of techniques about how to "allow" the baby to be born vaginally.

Her retort was that Jacob was "stuck" and wasn't coming out without the c-section.

I wanted to reply to her that if she had somebody there for her, that knew about squatting and breathing and other things that that might have allowed her to vaginally birth her baby. But I didn't know how to say it.

How do you handle "correcting" people when they think one way, and you "know" another?

This is just an example, but how would you gently inform a mother (birthing or not) that there are A LOT of ways to handle situations without resulting in a c-section right away?

Does this make any sense?

Love,
Emily

[Modesto Doula]

I understand completely where you are coming from. It is hard to stand by and watch her make choices that you know put her at higher risk.
The hardest thing is: standing by. You can talk to her about it, but you probably wont change her mind, and you probably will force a separation between the two of you. Stand by for support if she asks, but you cant step in if she doesnt want you to.
People like this are hard to figure, they say they want the best for themselves and their babies, but they don't look at, or for alternatives. And if you try and show them alternatives, they turn their heads, already having made the decision on what is "best" for them. She believes she is making the best choice, for whatever reason, just as much as you believe it is not a good choice.
A woman in this position needs a supportive Dr, a supportive hosp, a supportive partner and a positive and confident attitude. If the conditions where you are resemble what we see out here, she may have only 2 of those things. Without all of them, she may have a pretty horrible experience, or feel like she did, and still have her section.
Its so hard. Remember "Its not my birth, not my body, not my baby." and my favorite: "Theres something between my teeth-- Oh! That's my tongue!"
Good Luck!

[Marlene]

If she's hopimg for a VBAC but seems reluctant to listen to anyone but doctors then she's probably just fearful. Education is key. I think offering the book was perfect. Everyone has their own way and I just tell them all the same thing, "Just be informed. Research as much as you can."

[jordmoder]

Another take on this may be that she has such unresolved guilt feelings about having had a c-section that she doesn't want to hear that there may have been another way.

you never know

[Aloe]

guilt

No one likes to be told that their negative birth experience may have been prevented. Rather just support her in the fact that a c-section was done to have that baby born, and suppport her with the next baby by giving her the tools to educate herself. Maybe she will find out for herself that the c-section wasn't needed, then again we weren't their so maybe it actually was needed. Let her come to grips with the past, just give her the tools for the future.

And when all else fails, remember what Modesto Doula said
"Its not my birth, not my body, not my baby." and my favorite: "Theres something between my teeth-- Oh! That's my tongue!"

[marymom]

I like that...something between my teeth- haha, my toungue-
I have a baby who was "stuck" and has erbs palsy as a result- there is a large # of women that I actually work with that believe in spreading awareness thatyou need C secs if your babies are large- their babies were injured ...Ive heard wild stories- bottom line- I share my truths with them- and if they do not wish to adapt them into their way of lving I have no control over it- and I must respect their choice as much as I expect them to respect mine- If I had to deliver again I would definately go for a home vaginal delivery- and I seriously doubt many of them would respect my choice alot but-...then again I would be taking a risk too- maybe my infent would be injured - I dont think he would be- but its my body my choice my baby...well Im getting carried away- I wish I was in a situation to have another babby but since Im not- its Their choice their baby...so forth- good one-

[gentleheartdoula]

I would focus on helping her prepare for this birth. Women who are VBACing need tons of support in order to be successful. I think the way you presented the book was perfect and took the pressure off of her.

When discussing her other birth, maybe the baby was too big and maybe not. Maybe those things could have made a difference and maybe not. People have all different types of beliefs about birth and her way of dealing with the section may be convincing herself that there was no way it could have been avoided. Nothing she could have done would have made any difference.

All you can do is let her know that you are educated in this topic and then support whatever decisions she makes!

Good luck!

[Reha]

isn't this a 5 year old thread?

[BabyBearsMummy]

HappyDay

How did the birth turn out? Do you know?