What do I do with my four year old when...

[PAflower]

getting my three month old to sleep? He has been having a few hard nights of getting to sleep and I feel as if I'm neglecting my 4 year old dd. Whenever the baby hears her he starts to wake up again. He used to go to sleep in the sling but now he doesn't always want to do that. I ask my dd to play and read books while I lay with my ds to go to sleep. But, I feel as if she is lonely. I don't know what to do. Do you guys have any suggestions?

[sunmountain]

Institute a regular bedtime routine that includes both of them. You can even "brush" the baby's teeth with a wash cloth. You can read them both a story. You can give the babe a sponge bath while the older one is in the tub. Let the older one help as much as possible, encourage time spent together. Lay down with both of them when all is said and done, and fall asleep yourself-you've earned it! Or wait quietly until they fall asleep and come visit Mothering for a while until the babe needs to be fed again.
Oh, I just realized I don't know if you co-sleep, we do, so sometimes I just assume things...but even if you don't you can always move them later. I have four children, ages 6mo to 8yo, and this is what worked for me. Is there no SO or DH? If he's home, can he help with bedtime? I know when my dh is home for bedtime, 3-4x/wk, bedtime with the older ones is his game, I hang out with the baby or if she's asleep, take some time for myself.

[sunmountain]

one more thing...

I just realized that I posted on two of your threads tonight, coincidence? Entirely. Why can't I pm or email you? Well, in any case, let me know how you are doing.

[PAflower]

Thanks Sunmountain. My husband is a pilot so he is home about 2 nights a week and it is definitely much easier. The problem right now with the two kids is that the baby is all of a sudden having a hard bedtime. He seems to not know what he wants. The first three months he just fell asleep in the sling. Now, all of a sudden he is cranky for a couple of hours before falling asleep. THis is when I lose patience with my four year old. Although I know it is not her fault at all. I just want the babe to go to sleep so I can spend time with her.
I'm still learning things. I'm sure it's just a stage with the babe.

Thanks for your help!

Heather

[motherdownunder]

I have SO been there!! Mostly though, our now 7 month old falls asleep while I walk up and down with him (he decided about 2 weeks ago he was too uncomfortable in the sling) and usually this is while ds #1 is having dinner and/or watching TV. SO I can still talk to him, etc. If your baby is fussing for 2 hours before going to sleep maybe he needs to stay up a bit later and be played with, rather than trying to get him to sleep.

What works for us is ds #1 and I give the baby a massage, then the 3 of us (4 Year old, 7 month old, me) have a bath together, then 4 yr old eats while baby goes to sleep. You could try chammomile or some other soothing oil in a bath and you'll all feel more relaxed. Sometimes it also works to read books to older one while baby is feeding to sleep, but not so much now that he wants to grab the books! Our boys love being sung to sleep too. Maybe you could get the 4 year old to help you sing the baby to sleep.