is there a SAHM forum? - Page 3

[musingmama]

my two sense

wow, its been interesting reading this thread for me....
I am a SAHM who had to put my biz. on hold for a few years (I am an artist who sells things at Pike Place Market here in seattle) because I just couldn't make it work out- finding the time to work at home, finding the time to sell my stuff at mkt, finding the money to keep it all going, finding the small piece of mind to be creative on a daily basis....
and since I had to put my biz. on hold (which I've come to realize is a big part of my identity), and be considered a SAHM (which took me awhile to call myself), I have come to see all the issues of this, all the societal assumptions and stereotypes- which is vividly illustrated by this thread...
I had to take a minute and laugh when I read about how SAHMs are rich, SUV driving, Christian, etc.... very opposite from my situation... we live pay check to paycheck, and my staying home is a huge sacrifice that I chose to make.
sorry this a scaterred message- basically I am saying that there are a lot of issues that I would like to bring up with other SAHMs about how we are seen, how we view ourselves, what we base our identity on, feminist issues that seem to pop up and hit home once you no longer get paid for your work. I think ALL moms work very hard, I think SAHMs do "work" but do't get paid for it here in the "family values" good ole USA, and that is incredibly frustrating for me......
I think there should be a safe place to talk about this , and being new here it took me a long time to find the threads hidden in FYT

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[boston]

Hi again!

Okay, that is exactly what I expected, the overwhelming majority makes at least 50K. I would be interested to see that broken down better with the same sort of brackets that social scientists use... (under 25K, 25-25K, 35-50K, 50-75K, 75-100K, 100K plus.) My hypothesis is that the overwhelming majority are in the 75-100K range.

In Boston we paid over 2000 per month for housing. With an income of...a lot, we still had a hard time paying our bills. But we had cars, jewelry, clothes, computers, every single possible baby-thing-that-the-attachment parent-industry-put-out. So I'm not the one to talk to about how high income people in cities are really not that well off. I know how it is. And I think that if you really couldnt afford it, you would move to the outskirts and rent there like everyone else who can't afford the rent intown.

Please don't compare yourself, struggling at your high standard of living, on high wages, to someone struggling on low wages with a low standard of living. That just isn't fair. And I say this as someone who knows intimately, both sides.

[Nurturing Mama]

Okay, that is exactly what I expected, the overwhelming majority makes at least 50K.

Looking at the bar graph for the poll makes it look like the overwhelming majority make at least 50k, but the actual numbers show that less than half of household incomes are over 50k. If you add up the households under 50k, you get 167, while 145 make over 50k.

Not meaning to nitpick, but in my experience, people here are not necessarily wealthy or even well off (by U.S. standards).

[boston]

Originally Posted by Nurturing Mama

Looking at the bar graph for the poll makes it look like the overwhelming majority make at least 50k, but the actual numbers show that less than half of household incomes are over 50k. If you add up the households under 50k, you get 167, while 145 make over 50k.

Not meaning to nitpick, but in my experience, people here are not necessarily wealthy or even well off (by U.S. standards).

yes, but...that's what the majority means. the highest percentile makes over 50K as opposed to the other groups which together add up to under 50K.

[meowee]

Originally Posted by laralou

Not to mention the poll doesn't take into account how many kids you have. 50,000+ is awesome for a family of 3, but not necessarily for a family of 8, kwim?

Also doesn't take into account if the 50,000+ are SAHM or WMs combining income with DP.

And what on earth does it have to do with SAHMs needing their own forum? Rich or poor, we have many things in common.

[meowee]

Originally Posted by boston

Please don't compare yourself, struggling at your high standard of living, on high wages, to someone struggling on low wages with a low standard of living. That just isn't fair. And I say this as someone who knows intimately, both sides.

High standard of living? Drive by shootings and homicides within two blocks of my home, drug dealers, having to choose between prescription medication and food, having to homeschool b/c of horrendous local public school and prohibitive cost of private school, having my kids wear three sweaters until we can afford a coat...? That's a high standard of living?

I wish we could move to the suburbs!

[boston]

if you dont have high wages, then my comment doesnt apply to you. good luck to you anyway!

[meowee]

I said

Our household income might be considered high by some, but our standard of living is poverty. It costs more than $1000 to rent a one bedroom apt. here, and groceries here are easily twice as expensive as elsewhere in the U.S.

and you said:

Originally Posted by boston

Hi again!

In Boston we paid over 2000 per month for housing. With an income of...a lot, we still had a hard time paying our bills. But we had cars, jewelry, clothes, computers, every single possible baby-thing-that-the-attachment parent-industry-put-out. So I'm not the one to talk to about how high income people in cities are really not that well off. I know how it is. And I think that if you really couldnt afford it, you would move to the outskirts and rent there like everyone else who can't afford the rent intown.

Please don't compare yourself, struggling at your high standard of living, on high wages, to someone struggling on low wages with a low standard of living. That just isn't fair. And I say this as someone who knows intimately, both sides.

I assumed you were referring to me, since no one else made such a comment.

[Nurturing Mama]

yes, but...that's what the majority means. the highest percentile makes over 50K as opposed to the other groups which together add up to under 50K.

Yes, but that is only because the "under 50k" groups were divided up in the poll to begin with. If the "over 50k" bracket was divided up into separate groups (i.e. 50k to 60k, 60k to 70k), the percentages for each group would probably be smaller. Either way, my point was that more than half of the respondents earn less than 50k.

To me 50k seems to be a good dividing point between having to struggle and not having to struggle as much (except for expensive areas that have been mentioned). This is why when I read the results of the poll, I don't see the majority as wealthy, or even as a solid middle class, I see the majority as lower-middle to middle class.

Maybe I'm missing something. Statistics were the reason I changed my major from Psychology to English in college.

I also would be interested in the results if income were divided into the brackets that you mentioned earlier.

At any rate, I also wish there was a SAHM/D forum. I've tried to join the tribal threads, but there are too many issues to address to attempt to do it all in one thread. It gets confusing and very long, and with a toddler needing my attention, I don't have time to read every post and try to keep track of everything going on in the thread.

[Pigpen]

Another vote for a SAHP forum...maybe if we throw out some examples of topics that we'd like to talk about in such a forum, it would give the mods a better idea of where we're coming from.
Off the top of my head I can think of...

1. When you SAH, I personally have felt a loss of a "socially acceptable" identity. You "just" stay home, you don't work .

2. How do you and your spouse choose who will stay home with the children and who will be the bread winner?

3. How are moms/dads coping who've given up a career to stay home?

I'll try to think of some more ideas, anyone else? I think a SAHP forum would be really nice to have. I wouldn't "live" there, I wouldn't want to exclude anyone from posting there, and I think the SAHP vs. WOHP has been done to death. I don't think there is any one right way to parent, stay at home or work outside the home (whatever is right for your family). So, I don't see this forum as being a place to tout your superiority over others. Just a place to commiserate about things specific to SAHP's.

[musingmama]

Thanks, Pigpen-*- those are all questions I am interested in discussing in a safe forum, so when I say "living paycheck to paycheck" I don't have to burden everyone going into the specifics that I mean we are a family of three living on $2300 in an expensive area, who are living on the outskirts of town doing without every little thing the attachement parent industry puts out. I wish we didn't have to get into these petty bickerings.. exactly why a SAHM forum is needed.

back to the issue of a forum,
another questiion comes to mind
How do SAHP find good outlets where their kids can interact with other kids, since they are not in daycare settings?

[Fluffy Peanut]

I would LOVE to have a SAHM/D forum!! I brought up the idea several months ago and keep checking back to see if we have a forum yet, but nope! I think it's sad how the moderators don't see a need for us SAHM/Ds to have a place to bond with parents in the same situation! I mean yeah, we can post in other forums, but doing that wont satisfy the need to relate to others who can totally understand what it's like to be a SAHM/D!!

Originally Posted by musingmama

back to the issue of a forum,
another questiion comes to mind
How do SAHP find good outlets where their kids can interact with other kids, since they are not in daycare settings?

You should try to find a playgroup near you. Try Yahoo Groups or you could try forming a playgroup over at FYT.

[meowee]

Originally Posted by musingmama

Thanks, Pigpen-*- those are all questions I am interested in discussing in a safe forum, so when I say "living paycheck to paycheck" I don't have to burden everyone going into the specifics that I mean we are a family of three living on $2300 in an expensive area, who are living on the outskirts of town doing without every little thing the attachement parent industry puts out. I wish we didn't have to get into these petty bickerings.. exactly why a SAHM forum is needed.

We desperately need a safe space! Is there anywhere else like MDC that has a SAHM forum?

[rainbowmoon]

so is anyone listening to us or are we just wasting our breathe?

I think a SAHM is desperatley needed here for these reasons..feel free to add your own

*it's too hard to keep up with the long threads in FYT and issues get buried or never brought up. personally I'm not going to post my struggles on page 4 or 10 of a 5 month long thread that's only posted on periodically after it gets buried

*I don't know *where* exactly to post certain issues pertaining to SAHM issues. yes I could go to 5 different forums. but why not all in one place?

*others on the main boards are not going to relate to my issues as aSAHM unless they are a SAHM, especially the WAHM and WOHM,singles,etc.they all have their special forums so why not SAHM's too?

*I don't see why a SAHM forum would divide us? what's the point of the other parenting forums then?

*I feel it's demeaning there is no SAHM forum here. just as (most) of society devalues us as useless women who sit home watching tv all day and eating bon bons. : are we really less important, even here?

eta-I don't know how $$/income came into this thread really but I say that's irrelavent.

[meowee]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

*I feel it's demeaning there is no SAHM forum here. just as (most) of society devalues us as useless women who sit home watching tv all day and eating bon bons. : are we really less important, even here?

I'm really thinking of quitting MDC over this one... I know there are 20,000 other mamas to take my place, but it's bothering me more and more!

[HelloKitty]

Originally Posted by meowee

I'm really thinking of quitting MDC over this one... I know there are 20,000 other mamas to take my place, but it's bothering me more and more!

I've considered this too - I agree that it's insulting and demeaning to say that WOHM's are deserving of their own forum and we are not.

[Pigpen]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

just as (most) of society devalues us as useless women who sit home watching tv all day and eating bon bons. : are we really less important, even here?

That's how I feel. The only times I've seen this community divided by SAHM vs. WAHM is because a thread specific to one or the other is posted in TAO and becomes an all out war. A SAHP forum would feel like a safe place for us. This community is not divided because we have a WOHM forum, and it wouldn't be in adding a SAHP forum. And it is starting to feel like we're being ignored here, but I have a feeling that's not the case.

[Justice2]

Sorry, I am an idiot.

[UrbanPlanter]

laralou, since you are the only mod/"official" posting here, do you know if this thread is even being followed by anyone who can actually make the decision to create the SAHM forum???

[rainbowmoon]

i find it ironic this thread has gotten more replies than the FYT Nov. SAHM chat personally I can't get into that thread at all..it's mostly a roll call sort of deal. though I admit the questions have been interesting. it's just really not a place I can keep going back to for advice on certain issues and expect replies like in a forum where there would be much more traffic.