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does your husband look at porn?

post #1 of 140
Thread Starter 
hi all, i was wondering how many of you out there have husbands, partners that look and like porn on web or magazines? and do you mind them doing it honestly?
does it make you feel self conscious with your own body?
i found tits typed in search on my computer, and i have very very small ones, which i am not real happy with, i know that is my own problem, but this has stirred me up intensly and i am unsure what now?
how do other women stand tall with hteir own unperfect bodies while their partners look at other hot women ?
post #2 of 140
My dh does and it doesn't bother me at all.
post #3 of 140
i've talked to my husband about this recently.

he occasionally looks at porn on the internet, and, honestly, so do i.

i mean, this is how it is with me. i see a hot guy, and i think dirty thoughts. it doesn't really mean i don't love my husband any less, or that i'm even comparing this hot, young guy at the home depot or walking down the street to my husband.

it's totally a lust thing.

i know my dh and i were talking about this, and basicaly what i got from him is it's the same as how it works for me. it's a lust thing. any women, he looks at her *ss or her breasts and it's a reaction.

like i said, it works this way for us. when we got married 19 years ago, that was one of the things we talked about. guys look at women. i told him he could look, not touch. i mean, i look too. and like i said, it's like a completely different universe type of thing. it's something nice to look at and possibly have dirty thoughts about, but it doesn't affect what i have with my husband.

and i know for me, and this is just me, looking at porn gets me revved up for later that night with my husband. it's just a lustful thing.

i mean, i know that my dh and i talk about this so that it's not like a secret we have from each other, or are embarrassed. i know very very few men who don't look at porn.

i don't know if that helped any
post #4 of 140
Thread Starter 
hi, thanks for your perspective. i agree it can be lust, but i find the fact that porn girls have big boobs and tiny tummy's, not stretch marks, i feel not up to par, less sexy if i know he has those images in his head. i want to be the best, but surgury could only change me physically, i already work out three times a week to help the rest of my body.
he knew i have been ultra self concious of my breast this last month and then he looks at better ones... i can't get over it, i feel hurt. almost like i was cheated on. i want to learn how to not care, i f he looks at it. i take it so personally. i would take his lusty attention any day, and he chooses to give his energy to something bustier and untouchable? i don't get it. i envy you girls who don't mind. it save me from this stressful hurt i feel.
post #5 of 140
yeah, i understand.

have you talked to your husband about how you feel? i mean i think it's important to have a open communication line with your husband, especially on the subject of sex. you should tell him how it makes you feel. he probably doesn't even realize that that's how you feel about it. i mean, he may consider that you have perfect breasts and he's just never told you.

but you should talk to him.

post #6 of 140
We sometimes look at it together. He's got no need to look at it alone, I'm still a hot-mama!
post #7 of 140
my dh does it and i have to reboot the computer almost everytime because he will download something he has no clue about then I cant erase it and it pops up when my kids are around.

YES it bothers me for several reasons 1) my dh has never in 12 years had much of an interest in sex but he will look that up 2) when i get up in the middle of the night and "catch" him, he will minimize all the boxes trying to hide what he is doing (like i dont know) 3)he has ran up cable and phone bill because of it 4) he will stay up all night on comp then want to sleep all day 5) and finally, I DONT LOOK LIKE THESE WOMEN !!!! :
post #8 of 140
:
post #9 of 140
you could always say, "Whatcha' looking at?", a cheery voice!!

there are ways to check, but i personally think it would be better to bring it up to him. i mean, he's minimizing the screen because.....he's embarrassed, he thinks you'll get mad.....he thinks he shouldn't be looking at it? who knows.

but believe me, it's the most freeing thing in the world to be able to talk about those taboo things. i know how relieved i felt the first time my dh and i talked about it.

i figured that he looked at porn, but he didn't know that i did. so it was like, wow, something else that we learned about each other. you know? what does he look at? what do i look at? and even taralee's concerns that started this thread... does he look at certain types because he's dissatisfied with me? so we talked, i understand, he understands.

it's really pretty cool.

but yeah, jump in with both feet

or you could say, "ooh, are you looking at porn? can i see?" again, in an interested and cheery voice.

post #10 of 140
Hmmm...
post #11 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by leomom
Sometimes when I get up at night and he is on the computer he minimizes the screen and I've always wondered if he was looking at porn but have been afraid to ask.

Anyone know how I can check that, or how I might bring it up?

I always go to start then find files and folders then type in "history" and search on my computer. the first one that pops up, double click then you can opt for what day(s) you want to look at.
post #12 of 140
well, i don't know how computer literate your husband is, but you can check the history of the browser. it's on the tool bar at the top, if you are using Internet Explorer, there's a History icon on the top, you just click that and it shows you all the pages that have been visited that day, yesterday, 2 weeks ago, (depending on the settings)

i did this when my daughter was on my computer so i could check her surfing.

now if he's knowledgable, he could be deleting the history and any other traces of where he's been. (see i know that, because i've done it myself )

maybe there's a less bold way to ask him? i mean, maybe something like, "I notice that you minimize the windows when i come in. are you looking at something that you don't want me to know about? or you think i'll be mad?" or something like that.

i mean you know how to talk to your husband. it's sort of like when you have to bring something up to him and you don't know how he will react. "oh honey, i dented the car" "i maxed out the credit card" hehe. you know?

i mean i know that communication will solve anything.
post #13 of 140
I've caught my husband looking at porn a couple of times.. gah. It makes me feel inadaquate.. I don't really have super high self esteem.. so im insecure about it.
I have a pretty healthy level of .. um.. desire. and it makes me feel crappy when i am feeling unsatisfied with our love life and he is satisfying himself by looking at porn.


This is kinda embarrasing.. But honest. hehe
post #14 of 140
i'm in the 'we look at it together' category. we watch movies sometimes. and he has a few magazines from like 1986 that he looks at.

it honestly doesn't bother me at all. i don't look like that and i don't care. i'm GLAD i don't look like that. i think its a safe outlet for him. he isn't on the computer trying to hide it from me. he isn't compulsive about it (although he did say the other day that if we got dsl he would actually use the computer. then added 'to look at porn!') its a lighthearted subject for us

i think if your hub is on the computer and trying to keep it on the downlow he might just be feeling guilty that you wouldn't think it was ok. send the message you don't care and maybe he'll be open to sharing. or just open to talk about it

it would bug me if my dh were reallllly into it. if it were a daily thing or just if his attitude was a little too into it. but i think its perfectly fine the way it is now. we rent movies once in a while and i feel like such a PERV. but i don't care
post #15 of 140
DH looks at it (and I've looked at his Playboy's too) it doesn't bother me at all.

btw my DH was doing the EXACT same thing with the minimizing the screen bit, I didn't say anything at first. but then it went on for months so I wondered out loud one day about it in a less than accusing manner. turns out he was playing pool :
post #16 of 140
Thread Starter 
hi, thanks for everyone's input. i am still a little bummed at our world and it being so normal, i still wish i was a woman that could stand tall and sexy all the time. i have days i do, but not enough. i did talk to my mate and he siad it is so personal and pleasuring himself is none of my business really, and he won't let me sensor his thoughts. so that is true, he also said i should do it to. true maybe i should, i guess it will take time to get through this one, crying the whole day yesterday and shaving my pubes into a fucked up looking bikini thing, i had no idea what i was doing just in a rage. anyway i have shifted some of the intesity. and of course we made love lastnight that was sensational so i do feel sexier already. i will say i will prepare my daughter for this, make her more aware of men, and what they like so she can get used to it, unlike me whose had no brothers and found it all shocking. i will also encourage my daughter to explore her ownself with confidence. hopefuly she will be a woman who walks tall and feels sexy inside everyday....
tara
post #17 of 140
I feel really, really said reading that your answer is to prepare your daughters for the porn of the world. That's just not the lesson I want to teach my daughter, nor is it the way I want to teach my son to view women.

My dh used to look at porn. I almost left him over it. It only compounded other problems we were having, and it was turning me into a shell of a woman. Dh realized he was going to lose me so we fixed a lot of problems in our marriage, including him not looking at porn anymore.

But now I wouldn't care as much if he did look at porn, because other aspects of our marriage are so much better. So, it's a complex issue; if you're already concerned about other things, porn can really intensify the problems.

Your dh needs to really, really listen to how this makes you feel. Perhaps counseling could help you.
post #18 of 140
Not to my knowledge. I would be upset if he was, but only because that would mean he was hiding it from me.
post #19 of 140
Well, it turns out that he was just looking for job openings and didn't want me to see all the cities where he might want to move!!! OOPS! Guess I need to get my mind out of the gutter! :
post #20 of 140
Yes, DH looks at porn, so do I, sometimes we look at it together. I'm okay with that. We tease each other about it if one finds out what the other was looking at. We don't look at it very often together or alone. His computer time is mostly spent playing Think Tanks, which is more annoying to me than porn.
DH has a couple of "porn classics" from the 70's like "Behind the Green Door" which he prefers to the current free-for-all poor quality porn
When we were just bf and gf we picked out movies together. :
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