Calling all C-Birth ONLY mamas! - Page 3

[LEmama]

Okay...I'll take a leap...I have had a vaginal delivery (my first ds), but can now only give birth by c-section. Can I join in?

My second son was born ill at 33 weeks via emergency c-section. The doctor had to use a T-shaped uterine incision to deliver him quickly. There was no coming to terms, disappointment or fear for myself - I just wanted him to get better. Sadly, he didn't, and my recovery was very hard - painful and exhausting. Ds1 was 2 3/4 yrs. old at the time and a great comfort to me. Because of the T incision/scar, my uterus is more prone to rupture during labor. My midwives and doctor reccomended that any future births be c-section.

Our third ds was born by a planned c-section, with a midwife supporting us during the delivery. I had alot of apprehension during the pregnancy and was scared that something would go wrong during the delivery. But his birth was wonderful! I had a birth plan, and we all worked together to make it positive experience. Our joy and relief was so overwhelming! My recovery was much easier, although I needed so much rest (much more than to recover from a vaginal birth.)

It was affirming for me to read about other moms who have had mutiple c-sections, as we might like to have another child. Thanks mamas, for letting me share. Sometimes it just feels good to 'talk' about it, doesn't it?

[MamaOui]

sorry

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[emmaline]

Dear Kerry

I read yr post with great interest because it is easy to presume that a VBAC must be better than a repeat c-birth but your experience shows that the sense of positive or otherwise relates more to who was there and how you were supported

so I'm glad you shared yr story

editted to add:

Dear Lee

you are absolutely right - high fives and backslapping here too!! we all did a damn fine job and birthed wonderful babies



e

[ladylee]

Thank you, kerry and emmaline (love that name)--high fives back atcha!

[ragdoll]

GREETINGS!
First of all I'd like to say thank you for starting this thread.

I've got tears flowing down my cheeks......I feel so much heartache and am filled with so much pride. For all of us.

My son was born via emergency c-section after laboring a wonderful 24 hours at home (had planned a home birth from the start) my midwife noticed babies heartbeat droppin during a major contraction...........threw me and dh in her van and transported me (1 1/2 hour ride- i was in hell) to the hospital. To find out that my cervix was actually swelling SHUT. when they opened me up they found a huge fibroid tumor behind my cervix!
( I had 3 ultrasounds: )Also my placenta was in the way AND the cord was around ds neck.......GEEZE!
He is waking from his nap, more later,
Tamara

[oceanmommy]

Lee and others indeed high 5's all around. We did awesome. Yeah, I too felt robbed, never got to tell our birth story to the group at the MW's like everyone else. I guess it isn't the kind of story you want expectant parents to hear?

And my friends, mostly homebirthers (which we were supposed to be too) , well, I just think they don't know what to say, so they don't say anything.

Yeah we gotta support each other ! High 5's to you all

[mirlee]

Well, hey count me in.

I knew after many hours of labor that he was not coming out naturally. I didn't want meds and wanted to be natural. Well, I had the meds and the surgery. As it turns out, there was no way his head was getting through there. When I saw it, I couldn't believe it wouldn't fit, but the doctor, who is one who only does a C if absolutely neccessary, said there was no chance. I also had been in labor for quite some time and only dialated to 6.

I don't think it really matters how anyone delivers. Having a child is the imporant thing.

[cdahlgrd]

oceanmommy, you said it; I really wanted to wear the home birth t-shirt and tell my story!! Instead I had an c-birth that was such a nightmare I try not to go into details with first-time preggo's.

Perhaps I should say with pride,"There were problems and we made the best choice in a tough situation, as all good parents do." I think I will. Thanks.

[elismom]

I'll third (or 4th or whatever) the high fives all the way around! And that goes to all of us, whether we labored for 24 hours before the c/s or not at all!!! I know from experience that it takes a lot of strength and courage to go thru what we did, and certainly no LESS so than a vaginal birth (and as someone said, the recovery takes a lot more!).

[oceanmommy]

cdahlgrdI think I know exactly what you mean (about the t-shirt); we had been given a beautiful newborn hat which said "born at home" on it.... that damn thing broke my heart every time I saw it till I gave it away. My biggest fear had been winding up at the hospital, in surgey (well, my second biggest fear, biggest fear was that dd was ok of course)... and my fear came true. And that hat, rubbed it in, over & over.

[Cathi]

I'm not that coordinated so I won't high-five everyone, but I will tell you all congratulations for giving birth.

I had a csection with my ds who is now 15 months. It has been a long journey from that blessed day, most of which I am still dealing with even now. I started out trying to have a homebirth, but couldn't find a midwife that I clicked with. At 5 months pregnant I switched to a birth center who, although I didn't know it at the time, were really mEdwives. Long leisurely appointments came and went and soon I wasn't even comfortable talking to them so I began rushing in and out of there. But that didn't bother them. Long story short I had prodromal labor for three days, my waters broke spontaneously at home, I labored at the birth center for 14 hours (3 of which were pushing) and my occiput posterior son never descended. During the pushing phase the midwife called me by the wrong name. We decided to transfer to the hospital after that happened. The assistant midwife dropped me off at the front door of the hospital where I walked in myself at 10cm dliated carrying my own IV bag. After pitocin and an epidural the OB decided ds was not going to rotate nor descend. At 8am I had a beautiful baby boy and we were nursing by 8:30.

I didn't get my 3 day home visit. I didn't get invited to the May 2001 Babies party. I didn't get a phone call from either of my midwives. They didn't even bother to come to the hospital. At my 10 day visit one of them yelled at me for putting my newborn in cloth diapers because it wasn't dry enough for his umbilicus to heal. (I think everyone knows that you don't yell at a postpartum mother about the care of her newborn, right?)



To this day I hate those midwives. I can't get over the way they MIStreated me and my labor/birth experience. People tell me to "get over it" and move on. I personally feel I have every right to be upset at my circumstances.

I wish I'd researched posterior presentation more. I wished I'd not sat in a car with bucket seats on my 2 hour commute every day. I wish I'd stopped working earlier so I could avoid elevated BP. I wish I'd spent countless hours on my hands and knees to turn my son before he was too big to turn. I wish he would have spontaneously turned in labor like the midwives said he would. (They never mentioned any ways to turn him, nor did they seem concerned that he was posterior) I wish I'd never had a csection.

But, ya know what? I did. And I'm proud of laboring for 3 days with back labor and 14 hours of active labor with NOTHING but my mind to overcome the pain. I'm proud of my dh for standing with me ever second of this journey. I'm proud of us for sticking to our guns when hospital policy turned awry. And I'm not ashamed to tell people I had a csection....anymore.

The most important thing to me is that I did the best I could with the information I had at the time. I'll know more next time and I'll be able to choose what's best for us in that position. Until then, I will be honest with those around me in saying that I had a csection that I am still struggling with. Because I think there are a lot of moms like us who truly feel out of place. And that's sad.

[Electra375]

Count me in!!!

I wish I had know about web support 4 years ago. I have two little boys both by c-section. I am thankful that my first son was not harmed, he could have died, he could have CP, he could be brain damaged, etc. My first son was a c-section after 36 hours of labor on pitocin, my water broke no contractions, 2.5 hours of pushing. After all that pushing he was still floating, he never engaged. The poor boy had a bruise (hematoma) on his head where he was being pushed into my pelvic bones, it was only the size of a half dollar. I had a double whammy with Zac. First the birth thing, then failing to be able to breastfeed (another story but linked to c-section, my milk never came in). I cried more about the bf than the c/s. The c/s I quickly realized was vital to the well-being of my baby. Granted the doctors that delivered my first will never lay a hand on me again, they were ok until labor and after the birth. The verbal abuse I received from them was uncalled for, such as "your not trying hard enough" in regards to bf when I asked for help and "we'll all be better off when parents stop doing this just because of the cosmetics" in regards to circumcision.

My healing process began while I was trying to get pregnant with our 2nd. I chose to have a scheduled c-section and I am very happy with that decision. I couldn't see myself going through days of labor and pushing for hours on end again to end up exhausted and in surgery at mid-night. I read about the risks w/ VBAC and decided I would weigh the c/s risk over those.

Not being exhausted and high on too many drugs gave me the ability to focus on what mattered most to me -- breastfeeding my Douglas. This is a continuous healing for me, I so longed to bf Zac and was unable to as many c/s moms know when you are put through the ringer, your body goes into shock and doesn't always do what it is suppose to do, ie produce milk. So, Douglas is almost 6mo old 100 % bf after leaving the hospital.

I am so happy I had a repeat c/s and so many ppl ask me why? didn't you want to have a vaginal birth? My answer in private is NO WAY do I want a baby coming out of there!!! To their faces, I just say it wasn't advisable or something to that affect.

I liked my second c/s so much after the doc sewed me up I asked him how long I had to wait to get pregnant again. Surprised, he answered at least 3 to 6 months. I am so ready to have more children and there was a period of two years where I cried b/c I want more children, but didn't want to go through the first birth experience each time. I was very pro-active in my care and treatment this time around and I felt much better for it too.

I am alive, my babies are alive, I am able to have children (by c/s), he is alert (schedule c/s less drugs), I wasn't exhausted(ie no labor with sch c/s), I was able to bf w/ help, sex is still great, i can sit down without pain, i didn't have an episodomy, the nurses don't push on your stomache, and you get to stay in the hospital longer. These are just a few of my opinions on c/s benefits.

Forever a c-section and NO I don't want a VBAC. (to those who do, great, but for me I'll keep my vagina and surrounding membranes in tack)

[realramona]

I am so happy this thread is here...the last time I participated in a c-section thread here it was not very safe or comfortable so I quit even coming around for a while....
I want to thank you all for sharing your stories...I have had 2 c-sections one emergency and one because of breech postion...I am still working through the latter birth but I don't regret the emergency section at all, my dd would not be here if I did not have it....I have to get to school but I just wanted to thank you all for creating this space....I will back later with more

[comet]

I'm a c/s only mom. I still haven't come to grips with it. It's been over a year now.

I tried so hard to avoid a c/s - got a doula, didn't induce, no meds of any kind. I learned the alternate positions for labor - and used them. And I still don't know if I really needed the c/s. I went into labor 11 days past the due date and was so proud of finally making it all the way to fully dilated, fully effaced and pushing with no drugs. After 3 hrs of pushing, she quit moving down the canal. 2 more hours of hard pushing and she still wasn't moving. I was worn out and then the nurse scared me into thinking the baby's heartrate was faltering. So off we went to get a c/s.

I feel that c/s moms miss out on telling the birth stories and the labor stories. People all want to hear a "normal" birth story, but not one from c/s. I don't get to brag, either. I know that sounds petty, but I do feel very excluded from the community of "normal" birthmoms.

[MamaOui]

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[lovingmomto3]

Replying to this thread is one of the main reasons that I registered today. I was so happy to see others who are c/s only moms. It is so hard to find anyone who has had a c/s that will even discuss cloth diapering without a smirk on her face.
While I was pregnant with my first son I was 19. I had read What to Expect at least 5 times through and I was a major control freak. So, I was in very very early labor and went to the hospital. I was dialated what they called a "fingertip." He had two decels in his heartrate and they rushed in to break my water. Five hours later, after a pitocin, flat on my back staring at my mother in law labor I had not even dialated to two. The OB came in and offered me a c/s. I jumped and Luke was born at 4:53 P.M.(isn't it convenient how the OB got to eat dinner at home that night)
Well, 13 months later I was pregnant with son #2. I had obtained a computer. I learned about this wonderful group called ICAN, the vbac bible(the silent knife), and the mother of all vbacers(Nancy Wainer Cohen). Too bad I couldn't find a midwife in East Tennessee that would even look at me much less take my birth. So, I spent the entire nine months of pregnancy #2 hating my OB's, second guessing everything they said, and pretty much I was in a rotten mood the whole time. I never even enjoyed the pregnancy because, I kept looking for the big conspiracy in it all. Two days before ds was born OB did an ultrasound and ds was breech. OB refused to try to turn him and refused to deliver him vaginally. I was so distraught. I bawled for two days. I honestly thought he was trying to foil my plans of a vaginal birth. But, miraculously enough seeing ds this time made it all better.
This pregnancy we are going for a planned c/s. Not because I wouldn't love to have a vaginal birth but, because I want to love my baby, and my body and not dwell on how it is going to betray me.
I am still enthralled with pictures and stories of vaginal births. I think it is probably the most amazing thing short of conception that exists. But, I refuse to spend this pregnancy wondering what if. What if I hadn't been so stupid at 19, what if I had lived in a more accepting area, what if I weren't so controlling.
I feel this baby move and wiggle and kick and I know if she doesn't come sooner the exact minute that she will enter this world. And, I can't wait to meet her.
I apologize for the length.
Janie

[ladylee]

Good luck Janie ! My daughter's middle name is also Claire-I love it!

[TreeLove]

This is so awesome!

I've been gone since August and this thread has just been GREAT! We *WERE* going to TTC, but those plans have changed dramatically. I think we are getting chickens and rabbits instead! LOL! Seriously, there is a really good reason (involving our twins and their recent diagnosis as PDD/Asperger's...)

Keep supporting eachother and I'll try to check in again soon!
LOVE,
tree

[mamajoy]

I had a c-birth with my one and only baby. I was disappointed because I had read so many of those dreamy, perfect birth stories and had started to believe that real women do it naturally. But my labor just didn't progress and I have no doubt that my dd and I would both be dead if I couldn't have had a c-section.

The part that I haven't come to peace with is that after dd was born, we completely lost control of her life for four days. The first time I laid eyes on her (I think she was two days old) a nurse was feeding her from a bottle (aargh!) I said I wanted to hold her and the nurse refused to give her to me because she had been gagging on the formula. (who wouldn't!!!) We got into a little spat and she told me I could talk to the pediatrician on duty if I wanted to. I said I didn't want to talk to anyone, I wanted to hold *my* baby and feed her myself. The nurse finally gave in, and lo and behold, I didn't hurt my baby (I'm still kinda pissed two years later, although the nurse turned out to be a really nice person who just really believed in the medical model, I think)

They kept her in NICU for four days without ever telling us why - her lab tests kept coming back with tiny little things that were off, like one time her sodium levels were down, but they went back up the next day. The doctor decided they had gone down because she was eating so much, but that was worth one more day in NICU.

The day we left the hospital (fifth day) we were supposed to leave in the morning but the doctors wanted to run one more blood test and I refused. We had to wait until about 4:00 in the afternoon for the pediatrician to come tell me that she was willing to skip the test. When we left I counted 13 scabs on dd's heels - I was so upset!

My recovery was difficult, but I think it was more because of my uterine infection than the incision. I don't know for sure - everything was a blur. I just know that I have never been so incredibly exhausted in my life.

Dd and I took awhile to bond because I was so exhausted that dh fed her and walked with her. It took six weeks of incredibly frustrating effort to get bf'g going. I noticed that dd started to feel more comfortable with dh than me and I just couldn't stand it. It got me out of bed for those midnight feedings even though I felt like a complete zombie.

What did I learn from the experience? I learned not to get on my high horse about being natural! There's just no way to know what a birth experience is like unless it's yours. I also learned that pain is pain, and just because someone's story is more outrageous than mine, it doesn't mean that I don't still feel scared and empty and angry when I think of those early days.

Thanks Treelove for starting this thread. It's hard to talk about this with many people because of the judgments or the lack of understanding.

Mama Joy

[dlb]

I am so glad to have found this thread, this oppurtunity for us to support each other.


I have had FOUR c-sections, four lovely boys, but the first forced me to re-live so many traumas in my life, and was the capstone to a time of pain.

I was always the little girl who felt left out--didn't get to be pretty, felt un-loved. Later, had specific abuse that caused me to feel vulnerable physically and sexually. Then, in my relationship with DH, was told by ladies at my church that as a "second wife" I would never come first in Gods eyes--the "covenent" between him and his (adulterous, I might add) ex wife was primary. That on top of already low self esteem, and I was all of 19 years old.

Somewhere in my soul I was counting on the empowerment of birth, a natural birth, to heal me. Didn't happen--three weeks late, big baby, my spine grows at a right angle inwards by about 2 and a half inches. His huge head got stuck, three hours of pushing, my worst fear of being physically immobilized and hurt came to me again in the form of a hasty c-section. Triggered all my hurts--left out, abused and scarred, just a second wife, not even a real mother.

One thing that seemed to help , when he was about a week old, was a re-birthing ceremony with my babe-- naked and in the safety of my bed, I cradled his head in my hands, held his body over my belly, and "pushed" him out. I lifted him to my chest, nursed him, and re-joiced that I had birthed a beautiful son. That was very healing for me; I invoked the praise and the faeries and the moonbeams for myself. We continued with close contact for months, ironically, my c-section perhaps was a catalist for AP parenting before I had ever heard the term (this was 1988).

I tried for a natural birth five years later, but in the meantime had a major conical incision of the cervix, due to what's called carcinoma in situ (sp?). I had not only my weird pelvis to contend with, but very strong scar tissue (I over-heal). After the midwife transferred me to the hospital, I had a slightly more pleasant c-section, and another big headed son. I guess that it hurt even more, because I was counting on this birth to heal the first.

Whenever people question my c-sections, and make judgements, it feels like they are ripping a scab off my heart. I look like the proverbial "easy birther" with wide hips, and have heard of women smaller than me delivering larger babes, but nobody can tell by looking at me how I am shaped inside. And nobody can see inside my heart to know how badly I desired a natural delivery. I am strong and stubborn, it wasn't for lack of trying.

With my third and fourth, I did not want to face the trauma of "trying" only to so-called "fail." I just wanted the best c-section I could have, and didn't want to risk losing control in an emergency. Those were beautiful births.

Am I healed?--- I couldn't presume to tell you. It seems that everytime I claim to be so, another layer of the onion that is my soul falls off and I have more to deal with. Keeps you humble. But I am on my journey, with perhaps a message from my Master that I WILL be healed, but it just won't be through the births of my children.

Sometimes I think that is why I recieved all boys, as well... somehow in my heart I expected that I could be healed through my own little girl, give her the childhood I should have had. "Not by a little one, my child", He said, "but by my love. Meanwhile, enjoy these beautiful sons I am lending you."

If you are in the pain I was in fifteen years ago, I wish you love, light, and healing, and offer the hope that you will get through it.

Thanks for letting me share--this has been waiting in my heart for years.

dlb