Calling all C-Birth ONLY mamas! - Page 4

[rwikene]

dlb~

your post made me cry!

I have had the wonderful pleasure of meeting dlb and her boys in real life....the other day we talked about c-sections, I am still very much dealing with the trauma of mine, and trying to heal.

I found that through talking with her that I have come to grips with my own c-section....and am learning to just love the birth of my child, not the experience.

So, I guess I want to say thank you....you have reached me deep down, in a part of me nobody has been able to touch thus far! Even the other women in my family/life that have had sections have not been able to speak such peace into me like you did....THANK YOU

[emmaline]

dlb I'm also sitting here having a quiet cry over your post

I love your private rebirthing ceremony, what a wonderful idea

judgements about c-births I have learned to ignore completely - after my first a few people said "oh you did it the easy way" and I was so furious I nearly burst, but I am not responsible for anyone's ignorance, sometimes I might be moved to educate someone but really...

[mama2simon]

I just happened to stumble onto this board tonight and my heart is so full of that crazy mixture of SADDNESS and JOY for all of you ladies and for myself .

I have had one planned c/s that ended up being an emergency when I went into labor on my own. Footling breech, failed version and come to find out ~ a heart shaped uterus. Most likely future babies will also be born by c/s.

It is ok with me. I felt some saddness at not experiencing what I had built up in my mind as a *real* birth, but I have a wonderful, beautiful baby boy that came out of my body and we are as connected as ever.

This is an inspiring thread ~ thank you all so much for sharing.

[dlb]

Rwikene-- thank you for the kind words. You guys are the cutest family. Emmaline, sorry to have made you cry.

I have been thinking about us, this tribe of c-birth mamas. Many of us, in bringing forth our babies, had to face our fears of sugical birth--no small thing, especially for us "natural" ladies. Our scars are the scars of a warrior, marks of courage.

Please, please, those of you who have started to heal, reach out to women who are starting the journey. Show your love, your compassion, your understanding. Nobody was there for me almost fifteen years ago. Nobody *got* it. Nobody understood why I grieved for a natural birth, some people who even downright hostile.

I never told anyone this, but do you guys remember the hair color commercial with the "natural woman" song? Made me bawl--I was not a "natural" woman anymore. Can any of you relate to things like this?

It is so good that we can come together--sometimes I read all the birth stories, and it really stabs at my heart. Its good to see that I am not alone, and that so many of us have expressed the same heart cry. It really does hurt doesn't it?

Thank you, all of you. And may this thread someday help encourate a new mama who really needs it.


dlb

[zombiemommie]

You know, dlb, when you say that about the "natural woman" thing, I think I felt that way in the beginning, but I am also a trauma nurse and tend to look at things, no matter how granola I aspire to be, from a medical perspective sometimes (which is sometimes a bad thing, sometimes a good thing LOL). When you look at all of our circumstances (or the circumstances that were presented to us, or no matter how things played out) at the time of our labors/births there was a very real risk to not only us but our babies (again, whether it was true emergency, manufactured emergency, or "medically caused" emergency by cascade of intervention or whatever) and some "holier than thou" will debate ad nauseam what is and isn't emergency and/or that if a mom was allowed to labor a certain way this or that might not have occured, whatever - but the point being, all of us were either at a direct risk or we *thought* we were at the time.. so to tell / think / feel that you are less of a "natural" woman is not fair to yourself in that situation - because in some cases, it is likely that yes, maybe you would have been a natural woman had you been allowed to continue, or had you not had the section, but maybe you would have been a very sick/dead (sorry if that sounds harsh) woman and or with a very sick/dead baby, if you didn't have the intervention at that time. I am sure that time and distance have helped in that regard for you, but I think for all of us, especially those that worked so hard to attempt a natural birth, lead a natural lifestyle, etc etc. we have to see that WE DID THE BEST THAT WE COULD AT THE TIME. Does that make sense ?

It is the deep feeling of dissapointment that tears at the heart,and the feeling of "failure" that people talk about, but I think we tend to downplay or even ignore, in hindsight, where we "were" mentally and physically at the time that the c/s occurred (and I think it sometimes is harder for the moms who didn't have the true "emergent" c/s for acute fetal distress or whatever, because clearly there was an issue, but for the moms in the "grey areas" when you get home and start thinking "what happened ?" )

I think sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be thankful that we are living in a time that if indeed we do need the c/s for whatever reason, that it is an option.

I am attempting a VBAC this February, and I have read all the Suzanne Arms/Henci Gauer, etc etc etc books and I agree with everything and have been exploring alot what could have been different for me, and it is empowering to educate yourself, but it still DOES NOT CHANGE what happened and you have to find a place where you are okay with what happened. You don't have to like it, but that birth experience is what it is, you cannot change it, you can either loathe it and yoruself or you can celebrate it for what it is, the birth of a beautiful baby. After all my recent reading, I do strongly feel there are unecessary c/s etc etc and that is all well and good, but for whatever reason, we DID get into that situation, we cannot change that fact, we can learn from it but cannot change it, we have to look at what we DID know at the time, and the answer for most if not all of us is that we were vulnerable and we *needed* to have a c/s.
(((hugs)))) to all. This really is such a great thread to have here.

[Mollie]

I also am a c-section only mama!

not that that would have been my CHOICE per say, I do feel like I have missed out on an integral part of the birth experience, but I am OK with it now. No matter how you get your children, they are still just that, your children.

My first was a footling breech with a knotted cord, so it was kind of an emergency situation since the cord was prolapsing. The second was a repeat since I ended up with a partial rupture the first time. Yes, I am not the classic birthing mama, but that is OK! ag because everything turned out OK!

Thanks for starting this thread!

[Tigerchild]

I had a wonderful, beautiful cesarean birth...

And no matter how many times I've heard denigrating comments from people I know who share my 'natural' leanings, I'm still unashamed of it.

I think part of it is the hospital I went to...it's extremely family centered. I could have anyone I wanted to in the operating room, they asked me if I had any special music I wanted to play, everyone was happy and upbeat, we had nurses and the anesthesiologist taking wonderful pictures and I was offered a mirror whenever I wanted one.

The only thing that I didn't like about it is that I kicked myself afterwards for forgetting to mention I wanted to see and touch the placenta! My doctor felt bad she didn't offer, it kind of slipped her mind too.

I was induced, but the pitocin didn't take, interestingly enough. As soon as they turned off the drip, my contractions flatlined. I labored without drugs, and felt so powerful! My doula was great, and so was my husband. We ended up having the cesarean section because the wrong part of her head was presenting and bending her neck, she got stuck in rotation (she wasn't facing back or front, but towards my hipbone), and then discovered the reason why she wasn't dropping was because the cord was wrapped a bunch of times around her neck. Her heartbeat was steady and strong...I don't think they would have noticed until things went really bad, but because I was not medicated the pain changed and I knew something was wrong.

I was extremely fortunate to have labor support (from my nurse, doula, husband, and doctor) that honored my instincts and checked when I asked them too.

Fiona nursed right away, and was a strong nurser from the start. I had no complications from my recovery at all (and I think a lot of that has to do with the type of support I received at the hospital and at home afterwards).

I am proud of my birth story! I get so angry when I hear of hospital staff treating women horribly during their ceseareans...and some of the draconian practices and rules that some hospitals and doctors have! I wish that more folks who advocate gentle births would also help advocate for family-centered cesearean and hospital care....because in the right setting and with the proper respect, I think that more people in this situation could have a positive and empowering experience.

I will go all out for VBAC in July, but you know...if I end up having a cesarean birth again, then I will be just as happy to hold my child in my arms.

Thanks for letting my share my positive story! I am glad to hear that there are other mamas who don't buy into (and sometimes grow angry with) the assumption that cesareans can't be positive, and don't happen in a 'natural' setting, and that the moms who have them are somehow less. I wish there was more I could do to improve the care and treatment that mamas of all types receive in hospitals...especially if they're in the high-stress situations that lead to cesearean birth.

If you'd like to see pics and stuff, feel free to check out http://www.geocities.com/tigerchild1974/baby.htm

Just as a warning though, since it's geocities and graphics intensive, it shuts down if too many folks look at it at once, so you might have to try later if you really want to see.

[emmaline]

dear dlb - no need to apologise for my tears! I am renowned for shedding them over birth stories, I see it as an entirely normal response to such miraculous events - also an entirely normal response to someone sharing deeply personal experiences and feelings long struggled with

[ladylee]

Such beautiful stories--pass the tissues, emmaline! Tigerchild, I also forgot about the placenta--won't do that if there's a next time .

dlb--that was also a biggie for me and I had to dig deep with it. Can't quite articulate how it resolved itself, but the unconditional self-acceptance I gained was truly a gift .

[Momtwice]

What a gift this thread is to me and finding it on Dec. 23 is the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Life is weird

I never ever saw this part of the board before. Or maybe I COULDN'T see it.

I had two CS's, one okay but not great, one heart rippingly traumatic.

as the song goes, "but I'm here."

and so are my sweeties.

I always did feel robbed of the naturalness of birth. Felt like being back in gym class and no one wanting me on their team cuz I was non athletic. Felt like as the Smashmouth song goes "looking kind of dumb with the shape of an L on her forehead."

I do have the peace of knowing I had good accurate information and the VBAC I longed for was not possible even according to experienced knowledgable people. But it still is a huge gaping loss that I have made peace with, somewhat, sometimes, not sure I'll ever really "get over it."

Again ladies, thank you for the GIFT of this thread.

[simpatico_limbo]

thanking and sharing

While my baby sleeps I sneak some time to share.
When I was pregnant I couldn't wait to experience birthing at home, sexually, moaning, contacting my inner womyn, connecting with the millions of mama past. I wanted to be reborn! This was my chance. I found a great midwife and had a wounderful pregnancy.
I went full time to school throughout and wore myself out! So I backed off, let some things go and chilled out at home for the last trimester. Turns out, I gained "too much weight", the baby got "too big", and I was running past my due date. I tried caster oil, foot massages, walking, sex.....still labor wouldn't get going for more than 2 hours....stop and go. I was apprehensive and whiny. My midwife sent me to get a bio of the baby. This was just an extensive ultrasound session. I was treated rudely by the tech "You're having a homebirth, arph!!! You're WAY PAST DUE! I started getting nervous. The midwife didn't understand the profile. She suggested seeing an OB. Oh shit! is what I thought. My midwife basically handed me off to intervention. Next day, I was treated horribly by the doctor. "I never let my woman go this long. Boy you've got three strikes against you, you are overweight, 4'11, and girl, you're carrying an oversized baby that means C for C-section!" She had to hand me kleenex because this was my worst fear. I went to another doctor the next day, he wanted to induce to "give me a chance" to birth naturally. Next morning at six AM, I laid in the squishy hospital bed laboring slowly for nine hours hooked up to every gauging machine possible. At four PM, the doctor announced "TIME IS UP! LETS C HER!" I could'nt belive it. I told my partner to take me away from this place, I couldn't stop crying! He was so supportive the whole time. I was afraid but once the spinal was done and the oxygen was given, I chilled out. Kaya was born. She was beautiful and healthy!!! It happened so FAST! (i'm trying to breastfeed and type!)
It has been 20 days since the birth. Mothering Kaya is great, trying to heal myself has been the hardest thing I have ever faced. It gets easier as Kaya fills the emptiness with joy! The surgery has left me feeling like someone scraped my inner core out with a spoon. Writing this has helped. I have been feeling quite alienated by my experience. I will heal.

[Jude's Mama]

This thread is WONDERFUL! I had a c-section after 26 hours of labor. I dialated to 9 1/2 centimeters!!!! My DS had the cord drapped over his neck! I definately feel I missed out as well as my DS, but it was for the best.



Michelle

[mamasarah]

i've already posted my story, but i feel as though i am going through another wave of grieving over the birth experience.

i thought this would be the place to ask, are there any books that have helped all of you to get through this process? it can be so lonely sometimes. i very rarely have an understanding person to talk to about my c-section.

[Momtwice]

Rebounding from Childbirth

Silent Knife
Open Season
(two books by Nancy Wainer Cohen. Some info is/may be out of date but the parts about the emotional impact are right on)

Ended Beginnings

A good Birth a Safe Birth (has parts)

NOTE: these books are the need-a-hanky type.

[mamasarah]

thanks for the tip. i don't know if i'm emotionally prepared to read yet, but i figure i should start soon rather than digging up old feelings later.

[simpatico_limbo]

I was wondering if anyone has else has felt as if their C-section has effected the bonding process? I am having difficulting feeling positive about "life in general" and it will be almost 4 weeks since the birth. It seems like the healing process should be well on its way.
I absolutly love my dd but something is missing. Sometimes I cry when she does.
Their was one amazing moment in the hospital that blew me away. I was sleeping lightly in the middle of the night and dd was in the nursery for shift change. I awoke suddenly and knew that dd wanted me and was crying. Two seconds later a nurse wheeled her into the room and dd was wailing. I felt so bad that we were in the hospital instead of at home where my newborn would not have to get so upset to communicate. I felt like I betrayed her somehow. The bond between mother and child is so deep and rewarding I just feel I want to experience the full extent of what it should be. And perhaps the way dd was born inhibits our comminication and bonding. Somebody else vacuumed her out of me. It was not what I wanted.
I was born via section. My mother had the same experience as I with birth. I always thought it was because of her ignorance that it happened that way, until it happened to me. Now I know that in those intense moments that surround birth are thick with trust. You must trust your caregiver. But what if your caregiver happens to be the OB on call that wants to be sure to make it home for the five O clock news?

[traci5489]

I have had two children by c-section, my son Dylan (4 yrs) and my daughter Jordan (25 months) and hopefully will be having another in the next year and that baby too will be born by c-section. I almost didn't post here because I don't now and never did have any bad or sad or failed feelings in response to my c-sections.

My first was definately more traumatic, because it was after 26 hours of labor (with pitocin and NO progress and NO pain meds). Finally, c-section and after contractions for so long, I had some pretty serious bleeding problems (I am a bleeder anyway) that caused some scares all around and left me sick and anemic for a long time (6-8 months). My second was planned (due to bleeding issues and the fact my daughter was breech) and was a piece of cake and very enjoyable for me, I had no bleeding problems and could hold and nurse my daughter within 10 minutes of her birth and she never left the room where I was (with ds, he and my husband were rushed out of the OR when bleeding problems became serious) so I watched her being cleaned up, diapered, footprinted, etc. Both my babies roomed-in with me at the hospital (my mom and sister stayed to help with diaper changes etc. before I could get out of bed) and only left my side for check-ups in the nursery so I did not have any "bonding issues".

I am sure my next child will be a c-section too since my ob-gyn said she would not do it any other way and that is just fine with me - as long as my babies get here healthy and happy and my doctor gets me through too it is a blessing that I will joyfully celebrate!

[lovingmomto3]

As far as the bonding process, yes, I feel like I had a hard time bonding with ds #1 because of the shock of having an emergency c/s. With ds #2, no, I didn't have any issues with bonding. I guess because, it was planned.
Can I say something about some of the books that are being reccomended. If I knew that I were only going to have had c/s I would have never read anything by Nancy Wainer Cohen. They were very informative but, I spent my entire 2nd pregnancy hating and mistrusting my OB because, of the things that she wrote in those books. I know that she writes to empower women but, in doing so it can make the ones with little or no choices seem very helpless.
Janie

[TreeLove]

gonna have my 4th baby, 3rd c-birth in Sept. 03!

Yup-ol treelove's bearin' more fruit!

[Electra375]

Recovery???

I don't think you ever truly recover, you just learn to accept with great dignity that a c/s is the best option for you to give birth to your children. I can give life (c/s) and I can sustain life (BF) and most importantly I can love and nurture my baby.
I, too am drawn to other women's accounts of beautiful homebirth stories and a part of me wishes for that experience, but only a small part. I use to watch them on TLC and Discovery all the time, now I've moved on and no longer need or want to watch those birth shows.
When I look at my children, I don't even think about how they came into this world, I only know that they are my children to love and care for.
Think about all the positives surrounding a c/s and know that you did the best you could with the information and circumstances you were in at the time. I wish I did this or I wish I did that, only cause you do doubt that you did the best you could.
To all those c/s mammas out there, take care...
Rejoyce
Mama to Douglas 9 mo.
Mommy to Zachary 4 yrs.