Calling all C-Birth ONLY mamas! - Page 5

[simpatico_limbo]

Thanks electra

Well, everyday I let go of the doubt and sadness. It is a process. We can give/create life! This is our joy!
My "emergency OB" advises me to have a repeat section if I decide to be preggo again. He belives that my pelvis is too small for birthing babies. I feel so curvy and able. I am short (4'11) but I am round as well, my dp is 6'2 (my OB thinks it makes a difference)....has anyone else heard of this small pelvic thing?

[Electra375]

Small Pelvis

A friend of mine was told by her OB that she couldn't have children over 7.5lbs without a c/s. She is about to have her third (induced today, due on Feb 3), the other two were hard labors equating to over 7.5lb boys naturally. He measured her somehow. I have never had a doctor measure me for birthing and tell me a max baby size and when I asked about it OB said it isn't a true determiner and isn't done anymore. What I really think is that they want all women to attempt natural birth regardless of the situation. I wish I could find a doctor willing to listen to me, I think my pelvis is fused, neither of my children ever engaged, they were both floaters. The first boy was floating still after 2 1/2 hours of pushing, poor little guy had a bruise on his head from hitting my pelvic bone. I hated the fact that my planned c/s op report listed the c/s as "patient refusal to VBAC", how insulting to me. I enlisted the help of a gyn who is no longer in the ob bus. and he agreed that a c/s was best for me, I guess that opinion wasn't carried over to the different ob office for the pregnancy. oh, well...
hope that helped on the pelvic thing...
Rejoyce

[Robyn]

simpatico_limbo,

From what I have heard from others (I'm a c-section mom too), people who give birth in a hospital usually are laying flat on there backs. In that position, your body is not opened up all the way. You can open up your pelvic a little more in a sqatting position....plus the gravity works with you instead of against you. Again, I have never even tried a natural birth, but maybe you can find something on line about the benifits of a squatting position.

Robyn

[AahRee]

Just introducing myself

I have a beautiful, healthy 8 month old girl who probably wouldn't be here were it not for my c-section.

I was induced due to pre-eclampsia ~ first with Cytotec and then with Pitocin. After almost 48 hours of induction, I was only at 3 cm. I was 1 cm when they started the induction. And at one point during the Pitocin induction, I was contracting every minute with less than 10 seconds between contractions.

After the 48 hours, when I was only at 3 cm, my OB said he could either break my bag of waters and hope that that sped things along somewhat, or get me ready for a c-section. They also measured my fundal height and guessed my DD was going to be 9# or more, which was going to make vaginal birth even more complicated. I asked him what he would do if I was his wife, and he said he'd do the section. So, that's what we did. Was it ideal? Nope. Did I ever even think I would go that route? Nope. Do I regret it? Not for a second. I have a wonderful child and I really don't care how she made her way into the world. She's here now and that is really all that matters to me. It DID affect our first few weeks together, and contributed to my inability to BF her (despite all the efforts of many different LCs, as well as my DH who was fully committed to helping me with it). But I still don't regret it.

If we have another child, I am fairly sure I'll opt for a repeat section rather than attempt VBAC. I think that the harder thing for me was the fact that the section took me by suprise and I wasn't prepared for it. If I have another one, I'll be ready for it. (And I won't do dumb things like have the entire family over when the baby is 3 days old, or go to church while I still have my staples in! :LOL )

Anyway, it is so great to know that there are other mothers out there who are okay with the fact that they had a section and aren't ashamed of it!

[HeatherB]

Wow. I've been sitting here, reading through this whole 5 page long thread, often fighting back tears. I am very grateful to find this forum, and other women who have been through similar ordeals.

I had a 36 hour (active) labor, with no meds until we tried pit as a last-ditch effort to give me my dream of a vaginal birth. The whole labor was really wonderful to that point, and I am so glad I went through it.

On the one hand, I am heartbroken at not having done what I set out to do, at not having had those first moments with my precious baby (I had general anesthesia). On the other, I remember the wonderful, empowering (I never knew before what that word really meant!) experience of labor, and don't regret it one bit.

I think one of the hardest things for me was that I was longing for, looking forward to, pushing my baby out. And that's the ONE thing I didn't get to do. (Well, not the only one... all that important stuff like holding him right away didn't happen, either.)

So, like some one else posted, I never know where I really belong. Obviously, I had a c-section, but I also consider myself to have had a natural birth (ie. drug-free, even though it wasn't *completely*). I hate the feeling that people assume I had a "drugged" birth when they hear I had a c/s, when, in fact, I worked very, very hard at my labor and went through some immense pain in what I believed to be the best interests of my baby. Of course, my friends who had homebirths know that my hospital labor and c-section birth was nothing like theirs, so I don't quite fit in there, either...

As it was, DS was very healthy, alert, and had no problems other than the cord around his arm. They say he screamed when they took him out, but I don't know... DH did hear him, though. Poor DH, sitting in the hall waiting, crying for us. Anyway, making myself cry now...

But it is so important to talk about these things, isn't it? At 10.5 months later, I think I still keep a lot of it bottled up inside me. A few weeks after he was born I regularly had long crying spells because it was so hard to deal with (again, poor DH!). I never really even acknowledged it while we were in the hospital. I dealt with it, did what I had to do, took care of my precious baby, got through it. I kind of "toughed it out," as my way of dealing with it. Then the real dealing came when we were home and there was no more putting it off.

I really hope for a VBAC/HBAC (assuming that's H=home) with future pgs. I have Lyme disease, and we wonder if that had something to do with the problems in delivery. That's part of why I hope to not be pg again until I'm finished with the Lyme treatment. If I do have to have a c-birth again, we'll be more prepared. I have spina bifida occulta (a lesser form), but we didn't have any recent films to show where the "bad" vertebrae is. That, and the Lyme, made me a bad candidate for an epidural. I don't know that I really wanted one, anyway, but I do wish I'd been awake for his birth. As it is, his birth doesn't exist for me, if that makes sense. I fell asleep in great pain, awoke in great pain, and they said, "It's a boy!" What happened in between I don't know. My hope is that if we're better prepared in the future that we can circumvent that by having a different anesthesia. Of course, then I think about the side effects of those, and I think "igh!" Don't know if I want to mess with 'em!

Anyway, I'm sort of rambling on (more than sort of!). I'm very grateful to have this sort of a forum to discuss these issues... and feel like maybe someone else out there understands.

Thanks so much for listening.

[lovingmomto3]

I posted here a couple of months ago but, I didn't feel "at liberty" to post the story of my 3rd c/s anywhere else.
Rachel Claire was born via planned c/s on 1/23/03 in the middle of a snowstorm. I was scheduled to have an amnio that morning to see if her lungs were mature, and then have the c/s at noon. I had the amnio(it wasn't bad at all), and it came back great. After that every thing went really fast. I was very suprised by this because, when I had my boys it seemed like it took forever to get the epidural and then alot longer for the section. This time they got the results from the amnio at 11:15, the epidural at 11:30, and the section started at 12:00 on the dot.
It all seemed very surreal actually because I had had a very very very good relationship with my OB this time and I was expecting to be secure in my decision to do this for the 3rd time but, I kept thinking maybe I should just go home. If I go home and don't think about it then the baby will come soon. But, before I knew it I was being cut open. He took the baby out and showed her to me and I just looked at her and didn't feel ANYTHING. Which was very strange because, even though my boys were c/s I loved them at first site. When they were born I was bawling my head off and this time I was kind of like Wow a baby. I didn't feel anything towards her. The good part is that they didn't take her out of the room the whole time they were working on me. They weighed her, and bathed her and everything right there while I was being sewn up. Dh sat there next to me. Before I had the baby I had made a big deal out of noone holding her until I got to so, when we got back to the room dh was really pushing me to hold her and nurse her and, I did but I didn't really want to. It brings tears to my eyes to think of it now but, as soon as I put her to the breast she didn't hesitate. She latched right on and I swear she looked me in the eye. It was almost like she wouldn't allow me not to love her. She nursed and nursed and nursed. She has been a wonderful baby. She is also my smallest baby and she has a little tiny head. I could have killed my OB. When he took her out he said "Wow, I think we could have done this one the natural way."
I have been having alot of weird emotional things going on. Like when I went to have my staples out I started crying in the OB's office thinking about how it was all over and I wouldn't be back there again unless I get pregnant again. And, don't get me wrong I love my little girl. But, my whole life I have wanted a daughter and now that I have one it isn't nearly as great as I thought it would be.
Oh yeah, one more thing. Dh got to video Rachel's birth. It all seems so violent to me. The OB is cutting then he is pulling and then this other guy is literally lying on top of my chest trying to push her out and I am just lying there with this stupid looking grin on my face. VERY VERY STRANGE.
Janie

[carmen veranda]

I had a c-sec with dd#4.
My first dd was born with no drugs no interventions and not much support from my then husband. He fell asleep. I felt so strong and natural and like super woman. She was 10# 2oz. I *just * knew my body could do this and truely felt a c-sec was for people who didn't try hard enough. Same with bfing. The she died of SIDS at almost 6 months. How could this be. I did everything right!!! I had people ask me with *that look* in their eyes if I had had drugs with birthing, breast feed, sleep with baby. When I would tell people about her being at a sitters for a few hours when she died, I could sometimes sense the 'oh that explains it' feeling.
Birthed dd #2, 10# 1oz, no drugs no interventions, still strong in my belief in my body, but a bit wiser about judging
With dd #3 I had a home birth planned. Labored off and on for 2 days. Not regular enough to do much good, but strong enough to wake me up everytime. I walked, I cleaned house, I sat still, I lay in the dark, I went outside, I ate, I bathed, I had sex, I took castor oil, I pooped. I got tired and went to the hospital and basically just threw myself on their mercy. The Ob broke my water. Nothing. A few more hours, a pit drip was started. Then one HUGE contraction that they could not stop even after stopping the drip. I birthed her vaginally, with me trying to crawl up and out of the bed away from my vagina, crying. A friend that was a mom 3 times finally lay on top on me and made me look her in the eyes and "taught" me how to birth my baby. Horrible experience, bad tear, baby girl exploded out of me. Lucky the nurse was ready cause the stupid OB was very uninvolved and even though the nurse was pretty insistant that he get over there like now, he was still gowning and gloving and getting ready. She would have landed on the floor!!
DD #4 was 2 weeks late. I was scheduled to go in that moring at 0400. I went into labor during the night. My friend with me and I both could tell the baby's heart beat would really drop with contractions as the night wore on. I started to get scared and went in at 0500 anyway. On a monitor (again) afriad of repeating induction nghtmare. My feelings of fear were changing to great anxiety about the baby. I kept saying that some thing was not ok, that I could not go through with this. When my friend said, "look at the monitor", and I saw her heartrate drop to 40, I said, "get this baby out of here!!" The baby's father whom I had told to "Say NO!!" to any intervention got in the Dr.'s face, tryin to stop surgery and help me. (I had felt somewhat betrayed by him at the older daughters induction). The Dr. and I concurred, as did my friend, and off the emergent c-sec we went. I knew I wanted a spinal, and they wanted general, but as luck would have it, the anasthesia dude who was "very best" at spinals was there, and he agreed. They gave me a shot in the thigh to stop the contractions right when I was getting all panty and transition y. Poof, they were gone! Very weird. Then they rolled me over, no easy feat, poked the spinal in, rolled me back over, tested the numbness and cut me open. I was completely sectioned before dp got his scrubs on!. Then, she didn't breathe. I could hear them talking about all the meconium. The cord was wrapped very tightly around her neck 3 times. They intubated her. I felt very disconnected. I was sorta chanting under my breath for her to breathe, but I was not crying, or dying inside with fear. Very weird. I have never told anybody else this. It was as if I had no real stake in what happened. I hope I am not judged for this. I am ashamed of it.
We bonded later, after she was out of NICU and in my arms and at my breast. When they wheeled me into see her in the NICU, I cried for the poor little thing to be so wired up and tied down, but still not because she was my baby who was just inside me and now was sick. Luckily she extubated right away and spent the night with me, and then the tears came!!!
Now, she is almost 3 and is a complete joy!! A very easy baby. Still nursing, free with hugs and kisses, loves to snuggle.
My dd #3, age 8, the pitocin birth one, was a very high need baby, pushed away at the breast so much that I pumped and dp fed her bottles, which worked better, but still she was not very happy. My milk supply dwindeled and she was completely ff by 6 months. She has been the hardest one for me to read, the one who still freaks out over changes big and small and is the most intense of all my kids. I have wondered in my heart if it is because I "forced" her out before she was ready. Maybe if had just labored for a little while longer... Did the way she was birthed affect her personality.
So I have WAY more issues with the violent vaginal birth, then with the emergent c-sec. I really feel there was no choice with the c-sec, and am proud that I *felt* something was wrong with my baby. Even though I felt so disconected at her birth, we bonded so easily later. Am I just trying to *blame" dd #3's personality on something? I have a lot of guilt about this.

If anyone has read this far, bless you. I am sorry it is so long. I guess I really felt the need.... My little one's name is Claire, too!!

[carmen veranda]

Gosh, Janie, I am so sorry I did not reply to your post. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling so discontected about the way you birthed your baby and your baby. I don't know why. But I did too, and feel the mixed emotions in your post. When they wheeled me in to the NICU to see my baby, they took a picture and I am looking at the camera with a stupid silly smile while my baby is laying there all wired up. Whose stupid idea was that?
How cool that your baby made you *see* her and love her. That is so cool. You are amazing to have the courage to look in those eyes and know that. You sound like a super mom.

[OnTheFence]

Hi everyone,
CSection only mom here. Even my son who we adopted at birth was born via csection. (he will not be left out...lol)
My first csection was a nightmare but the second was wonderful and practically pain free!!!
I have a mullerian anomally so its unlikely I will ever have a vaginal birth.
I'm okay with that now!

My kids are 6, 2, and Jack will be 1 on March 1st.

[kpiperj]

I haven't read all the other responses yet (only got through page 2!), but wanted to add my story....

I didn't labor at all. Well, not until I got the hospital and started contracting every 5 minutes (maybe Adia knew it was her birthday???). My OB (he's truly fabulous) discovered Adia was breech when I was around 30 weeks pg. They were doing an ultrasound to rule out IUGR and discovered that my fluids were low and that Adia had her lovely feet in her face. She stayed that way no matter what we tried.

I was offered a ECV but decided against it. Due to low fluid levels, the fact that this was my first pg and this overwhelming gut feeling (both DH and I felt this way) that our little girl was stuck I opted to schedule a c-section.

So, on to the questions:

How did you come to terms w/ your c-birth?
I truly truly believe in my heart that Adia was wedged in my pelvis and that a c/s was the only birth safe for her. She'd been in the frank breech position for at least 9 weeks, probably longer and wouldn't budge. I also had a week to make peace with the idea that I wasn't going to have the drug free birth I was planning on. I cried alot. I paced alot. I had dreams and nightmares. I spent lots of time rubbing Adia's head and talked to her and one day realized that having a c/s was ok.

Have you made peace with it? If yes, then how?
You know, the second I heard my dr say our baby was a girl (we didn't know) and I heard her cry all my anger and sadness over the loss of a drug free birth vanished. All that mattered was that Adia was here and she was healthy. Beyond that day I've made peace by knowing that I'm going to be a childbirth educator and a doula. Even if I have all surgical births I know that I'll be there for other pg couples and laboring women and I'll get to be a part of those births and of other women's labor experiences. That's done alot to make me feel at peace with myself and Adia's birth.

How was your recovery?
Remarkably good. Even my dr commented on how quickly I was up and around. I felt pretty good once I got home. It wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated.

How did it affect your bonding? self esteem?
I got to hold Adia and nurse her an hour after birth. She must have known it would take awhile because she was extremely alert when the nurse brought her in to me. She nursed like a pro from the start. I truly wonder if she *knew* to wait for me.?. Once we spent some time gazing at each other and she had her first nip at the breast she took a long nap.

What is the most important thing you have learned/gained from you expirience?
I've learned that it's your attitude that makes you stronger after the birth of a child; not how you gave birth. I feel incredibly empowered by Adia's birth. I didn't labor with her, but I healed from surgery instead. I bear the physcial scar that marked her arrival into this world. Her birth touched me in a way I can't even express.

I think too, I realize now more than every how much I want to be a childbirth educator and doula. I've got that much more fire in my soul to do this work now that I know I might never have the kind of birth I dreamed of. It's given weight to my passion.

I'm so glad this forum is here!

[TreeLove]

Thanks for sharing your powerful story Keely! The intensity of your healing around Adia's birth is truely inspiring! My sis's name is Keely too!

[Cynthia Mosher]

I am very pleased to see this thread and am so glad that you mamas have come together to support and embrace one another. It is sooo needed.

I have moved this and all other C-Birth related threads to the I'm Pregnant board. After reviewing the VBAC forum we felt it best to host C-Birth discussions here in I'm Pregnant and allow the VBAC board to concentrate on VBAC discussions and support.

I also want to suggest that you C-Birth mamas start a tribe in the Finding Your Tribe board. Should threads get lost here in the activity of the I'm Pregnant board you may find a tribe thread more constant and supportive for you as a group.

Blessings and birth love to you all!

[its_our_family]

I joining in late but.....I had a c/s in April 2002 due to FTP and the fact that I was contracting so hard I was verging on uterine rupture 9 days of "actual labor" (the dr's term) and only to 3cm and 95%. They finally induced me hoping that would help but they wouldn't believe me when I kept saying he was sunny side up...wouldn't do an u/s or try to turn him...the dr was LATE!!!

Anyway, I didn't feel like I bonded any less with ds then I would have with a vaginal birth. He was in my arms about 30 minutes after birth but he never left my sight. The only bf problem I had was that my milk came in 4 days late. My babe was STARVING!!!

My recovery was fast (I went home a day early. The dr was impressed how soon I was up and about)...even though the effects were long.... I so wanted a natural childbirth. I was aggrivated at myself for days..but then I realized that my life and my baby's health were more important....besides..I blame my c/s on my dr!!!

I also agree that after dh looked at me and said, "It's a boy and he's peeing!!" I forgot all about not having the birth I wanted!