The Dating Thread Reborn! - Page 2

[meco]

Ok, seriously, my single friends

Suggestions on meeting new people....

Maybe I should start a new thread.....

[Soul-O]

Meeting new people who are interested in single moms....

I have only dated men with children from previous relationships/marriages, and this is by choice. From a practical standpoint, I feel that men who have children will understand and work with my time limitations. As well, parenting is already something we have in common. I ended up meeting my previous boyfriend by chance - he was looking for outside toys for his DDs and wound up at my yard sale. Our first date was a playdate with the kids . The person I'm currently seeing (wouldn't call him boyfriend or SO yet) I met through a co-worker. I personally prefer to meet through introduction. Another option for me (that I haven't tried yet!) is the local mega church with it's 2,500 member singles congregation. I've heard the man action at that service is totally hot ! Perhaps there is a local single parenting support group or other such organization you could attend?

Good luck in your search!

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by meco

I feel the same way. I come with a baby. That is a lot of responsibility. And there is the catch 22 of wanting to find someone you could be serious about without appearing to be too serious too fast. Oh, there is too much to this.

I agree 100%. That is my major problem. I meet a guy that seems nice and has potential for being a long-term bf but I don't want to start talking about that right away. He even mentioned on our date how he can't seem to find a "nice" girl and he wants to be able to settle down and have children. I'm just apprehensive about bringing that up so soon and looking like the "crazy chick who wants a commitment already".

Being back in the dating scene is weird and scary. I'm not the beat-around-the-bush type of person and I hate playing games. I think I'm just gonna be honest and say what I think and see if he goes running. :LOL

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by AidenMatthewsMom

I'm just apprehensive about bringing that up so soon and looking like the "crazy chick who wants a commitment already".

I feel hesitant to approach men in general - even men I'm not particularly attracted to but think they might be interesting to talk to - for fear of seeming like the "desperate single mom."

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

I feel hesitant to approach men in general - even men I'm not particularly attracted to but think they might be interesting to talk to - for fear of seeming like the "desperate single mom."

I'm hesitant to approach men too. I'm pretty shy. But if I see a guy that seems interesting, I'll make eye contact with him a few times and give a friendly smile or say hello. If they are interested, that is like a little invite to come over and talk. It usually works.

The new guy in my life was introduced to me through a mutual friend of ours (I work with her). I wasn't necessarily looking for a guy, but I figured that going on a date couldn't hurt.

[ian'smommaya]

casn i come and play? i am single but havent dated for sooo long i dont remember what it is. maybe it's becuase i dont call back. blushing.
maya

[mistymama]

I don't know how you specifically find a man who wants a single Mom, lol, but they ARE out there.

The guy I was introduced to is 26, single with no kids. When we first met, I was totally upfront about the fact that I was divorcing and had a little boy who meant the world to me. Instead of being scared off (which I kind of assumed would happen), he respected that. Said he would be concered if Alex WASN'T my primary concern.

Anyway, things have gone really well with us ... it's given me hope that even if things don't work out between us, there are single guys out there who are not afraid to date a "Mom".

They are out there Mamas ... now the question is how to find them! lol Did I just luck out?

[meco]

You were lucky!

The normal places to meet a guy would be...
1. at work
2. through friends
3. church

Well, I do not work. Do not know too many people as I moved to a new city, and who knows? And I started a new church, but do not know anyone there--and some do not attend so that would be out.


Where else? The street is not going so well for me as my son is always me with :LOL And people never know if I have a father around, if there is a man in my life, what my situation is...

Yes, big old Catch 22. Upfront is key Can't be meeting in a bar then? :LOL

[happyhippiemama]

well so this is annoying. I'm drunk... .....Some of my housemates and I (7 of us) went out tonight, DD is at the sitter and I will pick up in the morning.

I had told my datee what my plans were for the night, invited him along, called him today to remind him, etc.

He ended up not going, he went out to a holiday work party early in the night and to listen to some live music after that.

Now I'm irked. Does he not realize that I get to go out, for an entire night, with my friends, without responsibility, like once every five months?

:

I sooooooooooo want to pick a fight. But that's bc I'm drunk.

love
crystal

[meco]

Ohhhh, I am sorry. That sucks, mama. No good at all But hey, at least you had a good time right?

Originally Posted by happyhippiemama

:

I sooooooooooo want to pick a fight. But that's bc I'm drunk.

Ok. lets fights But nice, and it will get out of your system

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by meco

You were lucky!

The normal places to meet a guy would be...
1. at work
2. through friends
3. church

Well, I do not work. Do not know too many people as I moved to a new city, and who knows? And I started a new church, but do not know anyone there--and some do not attend so that would be out.


Where else? The street is not going so well for me as my son is always me with :LOL And people never know if I have a father around, if there is a man in my life, what my situation is...

Yes, big old Catch 22. Upfront is key Can't be meeting in a bar then? :LOL

Everyone always says church is a good place to meet men ... well, at least at my church they are ALL married! Lots of young families and lots of old people ... not much inbetween!

I work part time, but it's for an estate planning/tax attorney. All of our clients are 60+! Ummm, unless I wanna do the Anna Nicole Smith thing and marry a rich old man, that's out. :LOL

Friends are the best bet. But that sucks if you are in a new town. Ok, everyone don't *flame* me for this ... but I know several people that have had good luck with online dating sites. I think there is a preconceived notion that it's only for desperate people :LOL, but one of my good friends in Cali met her hubby on dreammates.com. So I don't knock it anymore.

I'm feeling very lucky to have Jeremy right now. I think he's a gem I'm going to hold onto. :LOL

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by happyhippiemama

Now I'm irked. Does he not realize that I get to go out, for an entire night, with my friends, without responsibility, like once every five months?

:

I sooooooooooo want to pick a fight. But that's bc I'm drunk.

That sucks Mama.

That's the whole thing with most single men ... they have no clue what a big deal it is for us to actually GO OUT. It's not like we can do it every weekend, or whenever we feel like it!

Hope you are feeling ok this am.

[Soul-O]

Latest Date...

W and I were supposed to go to the movies on our own yesterday. However.... his DD broke her arm jumping off the couch on Thursday while at her mom's house, so she ended up staying with her mom an extra day, which changed the custody days for W. Little "L" (the DD) was with us all day. I actually had a very nice time with her. At one point, I was with her alone for an hour while W picked his DS up from the airport, and she was very comfortable with me. Quite a different child from my DS Adam (who is the same age) - she has no separation anxiety and easily moved between me and her dad. I suppose the 60/40 custody arrangement has something to do with that - she isn't necessarily bonded exclusively to mom as Adam is to me. We made plans for my birthday on Thursday - lunch at a very nice and exclusive restaurant near my apartment - and he did ask me what I wanted (I mentioned flowers and two books I've been meaning to read - hope he remembers!). The only downside to the date came at the end. We'd stopped for Japanese food to go (Tempura!), and my order didn't end up in the bag. W felt terrible - offered me his dinner, his DD's dinner, and money to buy food on the way to get my kids. I turned down all three offers, which is so "martyr-ish" of me, and very typical of a co-dependent personality. After booking out of there (already late to get the kids) with barely a goodbye kiss, I realized that I was being very silly in not accepting his offers of food. I tend to be this way - very self-sacrificing and not willing to let anyone help me, especially men. I am wonderful at giving, but very poor at receiving. I almost told him that I didn't want anything for my birthday, but caught myself because I knew I'd be resentful in the long run if I didn't tell the truth. Anyone else have these types of issues?

[brusselsprout]

LOL, Soul-O you just described me to a T Date asks "Do you want anything to eat or drink while we are here" me "Um, maybe just a small pop" meanwhile I am starving. Anyone asks "What do you want for Christmas" Me "Oh, I don't need anything" same with birthday and....and...everything. I am the full on martyr. I need someone to force me to accept things for myself!!

WEll, I think I struck out with the latest guy...He said he would call me back Wednesday afternoon and reschedule a date, and I have not heard from him The sea is full of fishies to swim with!

[Soul-O]

Brussel:

Maybe call him one more time? I know you guys were not able to hook up because of the mutual custody issues, so maybe he's thinking you aren't all that interested or something....

As far as the martyr complex is concerned.... I told my mom what happened, and she really called me on it. She said "I know you got that tendancy from watching my example as you grew up. Remember how angry it made you? I wore myself out helping everyone else and got resentful when no one helped, but I wouldn't accept help. Don't do what I did - it lost me some great friends over the years, and hurt my marriage as well." - YIKES! Now, I have half a mind to call "W" and apologize, but I think I'll save that apology for Thursday. I've decided to give it a rest for a couple of days - too much homework and kid stuff going on to worry about dating.

[brusselsprout]

Yeah, I think I will. I was thinking I had called him once already, but remembered that I called Wednesday before he did. Doh! I have left him a couple IM messages, but I suppose there is a chance those were intercepted by his son...

I am so glad your mum was able to point that out to you. I think my new mantra is going to be "I am a strong independant woman of the new millenium and I don't have to be afraid to ask for what I want"

And on a slightly related to dating thread....dang it would be nice to get to know a guy well enough to get a little action. :LOL I am missing that right now!

[brusselsprout]

Oh, and on the where to meet guys thing....

Saturday afternoon out and about seems to be a good idea....I took the kids to McDonald's (I know, bad bad bad....but it was just to play, I bought a pop, that was all) because we had been running errands all afternoon and they needed to have a place to burn some energy. I had three different single dads in a row sit down near me and try to engage me in conversation. If I had been interested in any of them I think I would have gone home w/ thier numbers And, I had a really cute guy with two sons hit on me in the grocery store on the way home....his number I got, not sure if I will call though. And I am so not a hot number, so if I can do it I am sure any one can :LOL

My very first serious boy friend I met by knocking on his door and asking if I could use the bathroom in the middle of the night (a story he tells to this day ) My exhusband was introduced to me by his first wife (uh....yeah....after the divorce). In fact I don't think I have ever met a guy in the conventional way.

[ian'smommaya]

what's conventional? is that at the convention where are the single parents are? lol.
brussle i dont think there is a conventional way to meet someone. i have meet various ppl various ways. love of my life at an anarchist convention when i was 18.
maya

[brusselsprout]

:LOL Maya you is so funnnnny!

I was referring to

The normal places to meet a guy would be...
1. at work
2. through friends
3. church

[ian'smommaya]

thanks brussle. you have the cutest name. i have the greatest mental picture of you. so sweet and cute, just based on yer name here.
no dating news...maybe someday.
maya