My 2nd grader is failing miserably

[Sneezykids]

I went to PT conference yesterday and left feeling very disappointed and discouraged about my seven year old dd's failings in school thus far. The teacher had only one positive thing to say, and that was, "E. has improved in her focus from the beginning of school."
I'm depressed and feeling guilty and frustrated about the whole thing. Her dad and I are seperated, did so in August, right at the start of school, which could explain the attention problems. Academically she has fallen even further behind than she was in June, at the end of first grade!! Last fall, beginning of 1st, she had EIR (early intervention reading) then in January, after she had not shown improvement, she qualified for reading recovery and had a full 20 weeks of that. At the end of school she was still a few 'points' below where a 1st grader should be reading. She was a 10 I think and the lowest level of a 1st grader should be is a 12-14. Now, she has dropped to a SIX.
Not only that, but because of her not focusing, she is not grasping math concepts at all. In all, she is just not LEARNING. It's so frustrating. I have to keep reminding myself how smart she is, she knows so much stuff about alot of things, has a great vocab. and reasoning skills. That is why I am so frustrated though, she is so bright! The teacher said she seems very unfocused, at table time she just looks around or wanders around the other time not knowing what she is supposed to be doing or where she should be doing it, etc.
I guess we are going to go ahead with starting an evaluation, which includes her principal, teacher, the school psychologist and her dad and I. She qualified again for EIR so I signed the contract for that. It breaks my heart, it really does, she is feeling this and saying she is dumb, etc. I would take her out and homeschool her a few years if I could, but I have to work now that I'm getting divorced. Ugh. Feeling so bad here.
Thanks for reading. Sorry it's rather long.

[mattemma04]

What does your daughter have to say about her schooling and home situation?

I don't know if it would help any to read this book,but I found it interesting.

The Pressured Child:Helping your child find success in school and life by Michael Thompson PH.D

One quote that stuck out was:"Every child is doing the best he or she can at every moment."

And what he meant by that was that every child is doing her developmental best at any given moment in time; that no child intentionally does a bad job at her own development.

Kids have a lot to deal with besides just learning new educational material like the social aspects of school peer/teacher interactions and expectations,and then there is also the home life that comes into play and affects schooling. Perhaps even an undiagnosed learning difference/impairment can cause difficulty in learning. There are so many things that come into play that can affect learning, and the results of testing(what level they are at). I am not suprised she feels stupid when testing shows her scores going down. Just keep reminding her that tests just show her ability on that given day, and not her true ability and intellect over all. Hopefully things will turn around for her soon. As far as homeschooling and working I know there are some that do it,so it could be a possibility.Ask your dd what she feels would be most helpful for her.
Best wishes!

[meowee]

It sounds like she is depressed. If you can find a good therapist-- easier said than done-- maybe s/he could be helpful. I definitely would NOT advocate a child this young taking any meds for depression (not that you would, I just feel obligated to mentions that).

You don't have to homeschool her to take a stronger hand in her education. 15 minutes of one on one tutoring, in both math and reading, could help her a lot each day. You could try a book like "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" or "Alphaphonics," or whatever other program strikes you as potentially helpful.

If she likes computers, I would recommend "Reader Rabbit Math Ages 4-6" (don't be dissueaded by the title, it's actually more for ages 6-9), and "Reader Rabbit Reading Ages 4-6" (same thing) and "Reader Rabbit Learn to Read with Phonics."

I think the underlying problem is depression, though. Don't feel bad, you're doing what you have to do.

[lauren]

Sounds so hard! My sense is that if you go with the evaluation, you will find out how much is learning difficulties and how much might be something like depression. The psychologist's job is to sort out this very question, and/or to figure out how emotional issues might be impacting learning. The evaluation could tell you a lot that you are currently just guessing at, and give you some hints on how to move forward. My hunch is that trying to homeschool on top of trying to work full time and support yourselves, would be counterproductive in the end. If the sschool is generally suppoortive, let them help you figure this out. Good luck to you! Keep us posted.

[Sneezykids]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I know she is showing some signs of depression and her dad and I are doing the best we can to help her through this. She generally seems happy and like she is adjusting, but I know the family situation has compounded what already was going on with her academically. I would not medicate her at this point for ADD or depression. I just fear that she will fall further behind and she will have a hard time catching back up. The school is a good one, seems to be supportive and proactive, a very language rich school. The teacher showed me what she 'should' be reading at the end of second grade. It was a paragraph about the length of this post, this size font even. She is reading books with one or two sentences per page. I totally believe kids should go at their own pace, but they do want them to keep up, and of course her self esteem is now being affected by it. I am going to call the school and see if she can talk to the school psychologist a few times to help her, if not I'm going to get her in a few sessions with my old counselor. We'll see what the school suggests. BTW, I agree, kids *are* doing the best they can at any given time. That is a very validating point, thank you! I feel better today, I know this is a bump in the road we need to get over.

[DetroitMom]

I don't post much but thought you might be helped by my story.

I too did not do well in the 2nd grade and my parents and teacher decided the best thing for me was to do the second grade again. One of my teachers told my mom that one day it will just click for her (meaning me) and everything will fall into place. For me this happened when I started junior high. I had extra tutors in elementary and extra school work during the summers that I hated but it was the best in the long run. Hey I'm now working on my masters and I have a 4.0 average.

She is probally upset by your break up but there may be a learning problem as well. (phonics still have no meaning for me). I hope things get better for your family.

Kate

[Liz]

I was just talking to my SIL about her 7 year old dd. She had been struggling with reading and her mother was getting worried. It was especially noticeable because her 5 year old dd was rapidly passing her sister in reading skill. Anyway, just this month it was like the light went on, she just took off and is reading very well. Her first grade teacher had assured the mum that at some point in second grade they just get it.

The important thing with your dd is protecting her self esteem. If you could work with her every night and make it a team effort, tell her it's like working out, something everybody does to keep up their reading skills. What about those "You read a page then I read a page books"? I've never tried it (ds is only 4) but often thought it would be a good way to encourage reading. That way they get a more interesting story out of it.

Good luck to you and your daughter!

[Belleweather]

I've got a little experience with reading recovery since my goddaughter went through the program. I don't know if it's the same where you are as it is in our school system (I'm in Madison, WI) But here RR is phonics-based where as the general reading program is whole-language based. Without getting into a war about reading methods, it is true that for many kids one approach works better than others. So if your daughter did well in RR and then had problems when she was out of it, it might be worth working with her at home with some more phonics-based techniques, which could help her learn and help her make the connection between the different ways of learning. You could even try talking to whoever teaches reading recovery in her school and see if they can suggest any materials.

[ktmama]

I, too, have a 2nd grader who is behind in reading (and math facts!) but super bright and loves to write and take spelling tests, loves school, OK you get the picture

Her 1st grade teacher, who has a master's degree in reading, told me that most kids catch on to reading by the end of 3rd grade. My intuition always told me that my dd would get there, but I couldn't push her. It had to be her thing. She is getting extra help with reading and, when I asked her today how she's feeling about reading these days, she told me she LOVES to read! Now that's a switch!

What is your sense of what's going on with your dd? Are you feeling guilty about the divorce and taking too much on? Use your intuition and your intimate knowledge of your dd to guide you. And, don't worry...even though she might need extra help to do so, your dd WILL learn to read!

[super duper]

hopefully the evaluation will be very thorough and will provide some insight as to what is going on and how to help your daughter. when i was a special ed assistant i was involved in the eval process for a few children and it was so thorough. they really covered everything in a childs life, including home life, the childs experiences since birth, psychologist evaluations, academics, everything. does her school have a social worker or psychologist that can see her during the school day?

i guess my only other suggestions would be 1) try and make time for reading at home. read together and try to reinforce the lessons she is learning at school. work on phonics but also make sure that she sees reading and learning as a fun activity. ask the teachers for suggestions on how to help out at home and how to best support what they are doing in the classroom. i always loved teaching the parents how to teach their kids at school. consistency is soooooooo important!! sometimes the kids were able to teach their parents too, so maybe ask your daughter to try and teach you something she learned at school. 2) model excitement and interest in learning new things. if she asks a question about how something works or why the sky is blue, work with her to find an answer and show her how interesting it can be to learn new things. young kids are more likely to become interested in things if they see other people getting all excited about them. if she already has a particular interest (ballet, dogs, dinosaurs, etc.) try and build on that by reading books about it, looking at websites together, etc.