Annoyed with dh about not vaxing...

[amyandelle]

Ok, my dh has supported the decision to not vax Elle. Every time she goes to the ped and would be getting vaxed he always makes positive comments about being happy that she will not be getting injected with all of that crap. So the other night we got to talking about writing our Will's and what would happen to Elle if one or both of us died I asked him if he thought he could handle parenting her alone? I was being very serious because he is not a huge part of parenting her right now. He said "yes of course" then he says "the first thing I would do is go out and get her some formula and some vaccinations" I'm of course FLOORED. I can understand the formula since he would not be able to physically breastfeed but the vaccinations??? I then asked him if he has changed his mind about not vaxing. He said "That is YOUR decision" MY decision? Why only mine? I thought this whole time that he agreed with me and fully supported OUR decision. He said he does not want to tell me what to do because if she were to have some sort of reaction to a vax he does not want to be blamed. I feel so mislead by him and so annoyed. This has to be something we both agree with. This is a family decision!!! What should I do? If he thinks we need to vax then what? I don't want to go against his true feelings. But what about my true feelings?
Amy

[Gitti]

Realistically only one person can make the decision. And it should be the one that is best informed.

That is basically the way it is all throughout a marriage. Both can never think and feel exactly the same way about any issue. One person makes a decision and the other person agrees.
Unless it goes totally against the other persons gut feeling or instincts, and then you have to talk about it at length (or fight it out).


Why do you worry that he is not totally comfortable with not vaccinating? Just because he is not completely convinced should not be a problem for you, unless you are not so sure yourself. Maybe you want him completely on your side just in case....

Let me tell you that you did make the right decision. You did the best thing for your child and now you should take credit and show confidence in your decision. This way your husband can and will rely on you.
As he sees you more confident he will adopt this as his decision.

In a few years you'll hear him say "we decided not to vaccinate...." and he'll feel good about it but only because he gained strength through you and your confidence.

Every young mother worries, what if I am not around...and yes, of course that could happen, but let's not worry about it too much. If you really are not around, you can not influence what happens, no matter what your husband promises now.
Avoid those kinds of arguments. They serve no purpose and do not strengthen the marriage. Nor will it make him more agreeable about the vaccination issue.

Take the responsibility for this issue. He is afraid. He has not read as much about it as you have. It didn't sink in as deeply. He doesn't have the tools to take this responsibility onto his shoulders. You do. It will make you stronger. In time you'll even feel good about it.

And when he comes on board, let him without reminding him that it was your decision. He'll be glad that there are times when he can count on you to make the right decision for the child you have together. And he'll be proud of you for it.

[azyre]

We made the intital decision not to vax on very scant information, knowing we could find out more but not take away a vaccination. He has done no more research and I have done a fair bit more. Sometimes he makes comments about it, asking if it the right decision and I say that I am more firm in it than ever before. I am compilling my "case" now, which he can read. While it is primarily for myself, I want all my research (just the facts ma'am) in one place with my inferences clearly marked to cover our bums should we ever need to, and to share with my DD and future kids when they need to take over this health decision.

I want him to feel good about this decision so that we can support each other if the need arises. I also want him to feel good about it because worrying over her wellbeing is not fun, and the more I've researched the less concerned I have become. I am really glad as I did not want to make a fear based decision and fear can be found on both sides of the argument.

[Jaimep]

I agree with the last two posters. The one who is most informed usually makes the decision. I have also done all the research on this stuff and I basically share the "short version' with my DH. He does ask questions from time to time and I usually have a good answer, if not I find the answer. It has made him sit up and take notice of things like headlines and such on tv, but he still doesn't actively seek info.

My dh and I got into a fight one time over something??? I think it might have been the vax issue. Anyway it boiled down to I was trying to share info with him and he didn't seem interested. He finally said, "I don't need to research it if you are. I trust your judgement and that you are doing the best things for our child." That really hit home for me. Your DH OBVIOUSLY trusts you and I would not take to heart the comment he made. I SERIOUSLY doubt he would rush out and get vax's.

ALso you should feel glad and proud that he trust you and sides with you. Lots of momma's on here have to fight tooth and nail to get their DH's to agree to no vax'ing.

[Jazmommie]

i was going on a short trip with the kids & my mom & wrote up a "will " of sorts for my husband to have after if I was to be killed --
I made it plain that he & the kids are NOT to have any vaccines ---for them to shop at the health food store I do --to NOT give Tylenol ,only the herbal remedies I have --among other things like to keep my books for reference ,give $ to my mom & brothers & put $ in the bank for all 3 kids for college ,etc
I made several copies --I guess I should really get a real will made up.

[rainbowmoon]

he might say that now, but if something were to really happen to you, I bet he would think about it and not do it.

does your DH seem convinced then not sure later? (this is exactly how my DH is) but I know he wouldn't vax.