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Anyone else dealing with a crazy mom? - Page 6

post #101 of 113
I Divorced my parents a year and a half ago. NO Contact. Dh dumps her crazy mail.
I wanted to see it the first 6 montths or so. Now I'm not even tempted. If I see her handwriting at my kids house etc. I don't even look. "Don't pet a burning dog" we say in our domestic violence recovery group.

They are both sick and crazy.

It was too long in coming. Im 45!

Not easy, sometimes complicated, sometimes lonely, ALWAYS SAFE, pretty happy,no longer suffering in the relationship. It would be nice to find a nice surrogate mom for me/us.

Interesting how I discovered my passive-aggressive ex husband always took me there and never protected me, that's how HE abused me.sick,sick,sick, I'm SO over it!!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaahhhoooooooooooooo

peace be with you all , you do not need it.
Love and Hugs

post #102 of 113
PS.you do not need crazy mom relationship.
post #103 of 113
My mother is certifiable, I am sure.

She is a drama queen and likes to have all attention drawn to her.

I was the oldest of the nine children, and she trained me to be the second moma. I really had no childhood. She would leave me home with everyone when I was eight - there were five of us then. A tall order for an eight year old.

When DH and I married, we went to my sister's parent conferences because she refused to go. It was really worthless for us to do this, but I wanted my sister to know that someone cared about her.

I mentally decided that she is dead. I have no mother. She did many good things, but as far as I am concerned, she is now dead and can hurt me no longer.

My children do not know her. She always felt that she is too young to be a grandmother (she was 46 when my first child was born). She made no effort to ever get to know my children or any of her other grandchildren. My children are extremely angry when they see their friends' grandparents take them away for the weekend or summer, or simply teach them simple like baking, carpentry, papercutting, or gardening.

Yet, I feel she did them a big favor when she stayed away.

G-d works in strange ways.
post #104 of 113
post #105 of 113
Well thanks for the bump TB.. After not seeing my mother in about a year.. I saw her last Wed. My gpa (her dad) lives in Seattle WA now near my aunt.. He's doing FABULOUSLY.. He came to Iowa to visit.. So they had a big lunch and we went to go see him.. My mother was there..

I was a bit concerned about it.. But I decided she really wouldn't do anything infront of all this family.. She wouldn't want all the "witnesses" KWIM.. And it was ok..

I loved seeing my gpa.. It was really nice..

I felt like I SHOULD have felt something and didn't.. The only thought I had is .. Huh.. Her hairs getting long.. That was it..

I didn't feel.. Anything really. Not love.. Not pity.. Not.. ANYTHING.. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.. SHOULD i feel something?? : I feel like i should feel something about it.. But I just don't..

I think this no communication except by mail is working well..

Warm Squishy Feelings..
post #106 of 113
Thread Starter 
I think you should feel what you feel, KWIM?

I haven't posted here in a looonnggg time, even though I started this thread, because I still have communications with my mom. I see her about once a week. I'm attempting to learn to be around her without letting her upset me. She has lots of great qualities, and I don't think I could ever shut her out completely- or want to.

One thing this thread has shown me is that there are lots of Mamas dealing with these issues. And that there are lots of Mamas that have it worse (with respect to mothers) than I do. Hugs to all of us.

At least we can be proud that we're all working to break the cycle and make sure our children don't have to deal with these issues.
post #107 of 113
OK...I need to be added to the child of a whacked out mom. My story is probably one that some of you are familiar with...I'll come back and post it since I'm cooking dinner right now...However I've griped about it MANY times on my LiveJournal...I may copy and paste in here...lol

to you, ladies...I'm in a grieving process right now about my mother...I'm coming to terms with the fact that she will never be the mother I need.
post #108 of 113
, yes right here, a victim of a lifetime of battle fatigue..:
post #109 of 113
Originally Posted by mamasoulsista
I've been looking for you (or any other woman who has this type of mother). I'm 35 and have been in therapy since I left home at 18 to try to figure out why my mother hates me and loves my brother. I'm older by 5 years, and basically acted like his mother because our family life made me the one in charge and then I'd get screamed at for acting like his mother. CRAZY!!
OMG! You're my alternate universe twin! <LOL!>

Well, okay, not quite... I was in therapy since age 12 or so (not counting regular sessions with school counselors from age 8), I have a 5-years-younger sister, not a brother, but otherwise... very similar ;->

Anyway, my current therapist identified that my mother has Borderline Personality Disorder. She gave me a book to read that explained the dx and there are 4 prototypes ( I think) and she is defnitely the "queen."

Does your mom have this too?
my mother has no diagnosis (that I'm aware of) but she's crazy as a bedbug.
(See: I'm not equating mental illness with "crazy" I'm calling a persistent and willful pattern of irresponsible, manipulative, destructive behaviors "crazy")

[quote] It's so hard to have a women who is highly functional, very intelligent and everyone loves her on the outside, and they think I'm selfish, and awful for not talking to my mother for periods of time. She's so manipulative, cruel, entitled, and ALWAYS the victim of problems in every relationship. [/wuote]

Sing it, sister! My mom is a very intelligent (like, genius-type) and *hugely* well respected computer-geek who is dearly loved and respected by co-workers. The younger ones (my age and under) tend to "adopt" her as a mother figure. All I can think is that maybe she *is* nice to those who are not related... <shrug>. She's sure poison to *me*. I know that my sister still hangs out with her voluntarily, but last I heard my sister wasn't talking to me so I have no idea what the dynamic was there... I know my sis resented my "parenting"... strange that I was responsible for taking care of her early on, but had no authority, so then I got blamed when it didn't work... Hell yeah, I was a lousy mom at age 8! No wonder my sis has issues with me :-/

I feel for you.

My solution has been to ignore her. I'm thinking of calling her for mothers day, but mostly relishing the fact that I don't feel like I *have* to ;-> I probably won't, either... don't want my number on her caller ID ;->
post #110 of 113
Originally Posted by LilOleMe
when cornered and forced to face it, she practically regresses, pulls a 180 and becomes a martyr: "You're right, I'm a terrible person, I'll never set foot in that house again, I'll never call them again, I'm just not wooorrrrrrthyyyy...." You get the idea.

Thoughts? Ideas, from your own experiences?
Hey, are you my sister? We seem to have the same mom!

My own mom is just, I don't know. She is like a shadow that acts like a mom.
post #111 of 113
post #112 of 113
Thanks for teh bump tinybutterfly.

My mother is crazy, toxic, mentally ill, you name it!

I am in the process of deciding where to go with our relationship. She is sick/dying (Hep C Virus) and I am tired of being *her* Mother. Carrying all the burden and responsibility. I am filled with guilt and trying to make tbe best choice for *ME*, my DD and my family.

Hugs and love to you all. Read a couple of pgs of this thread, will finish it up tonight.

post #113 of 113
My mom mentioned to me the other day that she has "clinical depression" so I think she FINALLY went to a doctor to get help. But we don't talk often so I don't know for sure. But, yes, she's definitely crazy. She even makes up conversations or events in her head that never happened, and these imaginary conversations always make her look like a helpful and concerned mother, when really she isn't. Example: (She actually said this in front of someone else, which humilitated me to begin with) "When [my name] was in high school she asked me what she should do about her weight. So I just told her to put down the bag of chips." Okay, let's analyze this. First of all, I wasn't concerned about my weight in high school. I got married when I was 20 and weighed 92 lb at the time, so I didn't need to "put down the chips," see what I mean? Second of all, if I did have a concern of a deeply personal nature like weight problems, I would NEVER ask my mother for advice because I hate her so much. You don't ask your worst enemy for advice for your personal problems. Third of all, if she had ever made a comment to me like "put down the bag of chips," she'd be spitting her broken teeth out of her mouth. But the reason she made up the story is because in her twisted mind, she thinks that sort of comment would be helpful to someone who is overweight, so she's imagining that she gave me good advice and was helpful to me. But in reality, we never had that conversation or anything remotely like it.

There was also that time that she let me go to my boyfriend's (now DH) Senior Prom and then grounded me for A YEAR for going to DH's Senior Prom. The only reason I wasn't grounded longer was because after a year I turned 18 and moved out. It would have been longer if I hadn't had my 18th birthday. We had a conversation beforehand about our plans, and my curfew and all that, and I did NOT miss curfew, but I think she completely forgot our whole conversation and actually thought that I had run away from home or something. I'm still not exactly sure what went wrong. Because now she won't even admit that I ever got in trouble for it, so she doesn't remember what happened. CRAZY!
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