How old are you?

[Stream]

Inspired by a thread on TAO-- how old are you or how old will you be when your baby is born? If you have other kids, how old were you when they were born? Are the other mamas you know IRL about the same age?

I am 26, and my DH will be 25 in a little less than a month. When dd was born, I was 23 and DH was 21 and we were waaaaaaay younger than anyone else we knew that was having kids at the same time (at least ten years, generally more). Even now, we're quite a bit younger than other people in our social group who are having even their first baby, but at least we've found a little crowd of parents that we feel comfortable with. I'd like to say that I'm not self-conscious about my age when I meet new parents, but I really still am-- I just assume they'll think I'm ignorant and naive because I didn't wait until I was at least 30 (which seems to be the rule) to have babies (more likely, they just don't think we have much in common, given the age difference, and I'm projecting my own insecurities!). Sometimes I end up spouting my resume when I meet people (I'm a lawyer) just so they give me a little credit for being educated.

My mom and I both got our generations wrong. She had me (her only) when she was 35, and people thought she was too old. I had a baby when I was 23, and people thought I was too young. If we had done it the other way around, I doubt anybody would have said anything!

So, I'm curious-- are you "too young" or "too old" to have babies?

[wasabi]

I think I'm about average. I had DD when I was 27.5 years old. In all likelihood I'll turn 30 just before this baby is born.

[natashaccat]

I was 29 when dd1 was born and will be 31 with this one.

[valeria_vi]

del.

[LoveChild421]

I'm 20 and will be 20 when my son is born in March. My boyfriend is 23 and will be 23 when the baby is born. I guess that puts us in the "too young" category. People really do think that anyone under 25 having a baby nowdays is just outrageous! I have always felt that when someone is "ready" to have a child is an enormously personal thing- it wasn't a logical decision but one that was made by my heart, my soul, and I believe the soul of my unborn son. People are so quick to criticize or jump to conclusions and say "oh well how's your boyfriend taking it?" "are you two ok?" I always say- well he's happy I hope since this was a planned and wanted pregnancy! I have read that actually from the age of 18- 26 is the most fertile and best childbearing time in the lives of women. So why is it that nowdays people expect us to be in our 30s before thinking of having kids. I know I feel a very strong "biological clock" or instinct to have my kids now. It's strange how small the window is to not be considered "too old" or "too young"- probably 25-32 I'd say- anything outside of that range and you get raised eyebrows!

[natashaccat]

Originally Posted by LoveChild421

So why is it that nowdays people expect us to be in our 30s before thinking of having kids. I know I feel a very strong "biological clock" or instinct to have my kids now. It's strange how small the window is to not be considered "too old" or "too young"- probably 25-32 I'd say- anything outside of that range and you get raised eyebrows!

I think this expectation comes from the rat race model that the "ideal" time for motherhood (not saying that this is something that I agree with) is after you have graduated from college (or some sort of career training) and established your career. My feel is that this model assumes that that a mother shouldn't need to rely on having a family or social support network prior to responsibly choosing to become a mom and that one should be (if needed) entirely able to independantly finantially support her child (including medical expenses and child care).

Just throwing that out there for discussion because I feel that this is an idea that our American culture pushes strongly....cleary readyness for motherhood is a very personal descision and no mother can truely walk in another's shoes.

[ctdoula]

I'm 30 (31 when the baby will be born) & dh is 37. I was 28 w/dd #1 & for me, that was the perfect age to have my 1st baby

[lynchmon]

I was 32 when DS was born in September. I plan on having at least one more hopefully before I'm 35. I was just having too much fun and next thing you know I was celebrating my 29th b-day. That's when we started trying.

[danaalex]

when dd #1 was born i was 25? i think, then 27 with dd#2, and i'll be 29 when this baby is born. if we have a 4th i'll probably wait a while and have #4 before i hit 35.

all of my friends were having babies when i had my first. we all got pg within 6 mo of each other, but hadn't planned it that way.

[speedknitter]

Sunday is my 41st birthday, and this is our first child. We have been married for 5 years, and feel that we are ready (yikes!). I agree that deciding when to have children is an extremely personal decision and people who make assumptions or have expectations about what is "too young" or "too old" need to mind their own business. For the most part, everyone is very excited for us and their only comments have been well-meaning good wishes and comments that my clock was ticking, which is completely true!

My sister and I joke a lot because she had her kids very young, they are now mostly grown, one of them even married already, and I'm just getting started. She is in the process of getting divorced and starting a new life, and I am embarking on a new part of my life too. As a matter of fact, my due date and the date her divorce will be final are within days of each other next year! Our support of each other through all of this has been so great - has brought us closer than we have ever been!

We do have a family history of "older mom" births on both sides of the family. My DH was born in 1958 when his mom was 45 years old, which in those days must have been just unbelievable. My grandmother had her third child at age 40!

[sunbaby]

i was a few days from 27 when dd was born. dh was 31. i am 30 and will be 31 when the baby is born, dh will be 35. none of the friends i had previous to dd (who are my age) have any kids yet. most of the women i spend time with now i made friends with through being moms together and sharing similar world views. they are all close to 40 or older. i do have one mom friend who is 25. i love her as an individual, but i tried her play group once, which consisted of moms closer to her age, and it just felt too high schoolish socially for me to be comfy. i guess that is one of the things i really like about my mom friends who are older than i am, is i feel they have all this emotional growth under thier belts, and i like to pick their brains for wisdom; they set a good example for me- and i need it :LOL

not that i think all young moms are high schoolish, not by a long shot, just those particular women as a group. i think people should have babies when they feel ready, and as others have said, this is highly individual. i know a woman who got pregnant with her dd when she was still actually in high school. and judging by what a good parent she is to her now 8 yo, she was ready.

[wasabi]

Originally Posted by speedknitter

My DH was born in 1958 when his mom was 45 years old, which in those days must have been just unbelievable. My grandmother had her third child at age 40!

OT I don't think that was really uncommon at all at that time. My MIL is older than some of her aunts and uncles. Her GM had 17 kids! Really until reliable BC became availabe fairly recently women did keep having kids until they hit menopause.

[atomicmama]

30 when dd was born, and 35 when ds was born.

[Marlet]

I'm 18, dh is 29, and I will be 19 when the baby is born (in March and then the baby is due in May......just barely 19).

[MaryLang]

I'm 23 will be 24 when #2 is here. I had my first pregnancies at 19 and 20, which ended in m/c's. I had dd when I was 22.

[mrzmeg]

I'm 22 and will be when the baby is born. I was 19 when we got pg with ds, he was born when I was 20.
I feel the "too young" vibe a lot too, but realistically, this is the best time in my life to have my kids. We're not in the poor-house, I don't have to interrupt a career to be a SAHM, my body is young and healthy, and I have degenerative scoliosis that may make it difficult or impossible to have babies vaginally later. I am really glad, though, that I'm going to be done with school before this next one comes along; I graduate next month!

[ashleep]

I turned 21 while pregnant w/ dd, dh turned 31. people kinda quit the whole 'too young' talk w/ me quite a few years ago. i grew up too fast, i guess, and people found they were repeating themselves by the time i was 18. strangers often assume i'm ~25(and then look quite embarrassed when i tell them i'm 21! :LOL )i've never had more than a couple of friends my age, and we are still the only couple w/ a baby (our social circle isn't that big though)

ETA: I saw this title from the main board and noticed after i posted that it was a due date club! Sorry for barging in April mamas

[Stream]

I'm happy to hear from all the mamas-- I'm not April-centric.

[JoyAnne]

I will be 36 when our son arrives, and my husband 38.

[hmg7500]

i will be 23 with bug is born. hubby will be 29.

we were 19/25 when dd #1 was born and
21/27 when our twins were born.