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Why I love Being a Single Mother

post #1 of 481
Thread Starter 
I was thinking today, with the help of another MDC post, how much I being a single mother. There are many great aspects to it though it seems to be a lot of work and sometimes may be lonely.

And here are some reasons why:

1. I make most of the decisions to the well-being of my child, and I do not have to go through another person every time I want to do something.
2. My child is happy.
3. If the house is a mess at 5, what do I care?
4. There is no one around to fight with.
5. If I do not feel like taking a shower, I never get teased.
6. No one judges my choices or me.
7. No one to step on my self esteem/freedom to love myself all the time!
8. I have myself and my life back.
9.Freedom!
10. I only have to take care of one other person not 2 (I found this to be a lot of work )

I know there are better ones. I am just not feeling creative right now.

But the reason I started this thread was because there are many great aspects of being a single mother and so many positives (oh and I might never date again!).

Why do you love being a single mother? I know there are positive aspects of it! I know that it can be uplifting

So share, mamas, dish on why you love it!
post #2 of 481
Great thread!

I love that we can eat, sleep & do whatever we want basically anytime we want.

I love that I get to be sandwiched between to little boys to sleep.

I love that I have no guilt about not spending "enough time" with him or "too much time" with the kids.

I love that my dishes can pile up for a week if I choose.

I love that I get all the hugs, kisses & "I love you's"

I love that I can study, read or watch anything on tv at night.

I love that I can parent basically anyway I want.
post #3 of 481
I don't have to share the Ben and Jerry's

I never have to watch wrestling

I don't have to buy or cook meat

My 7 year old doesn't get flack for sleeping in the family bed

I feel pretty (oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and.....ok, ok, I'll stop )

We had apple waffles for dinner last night and no one told me that was weird

I *know* my bills have been paid, and I never worry about losing our electricity
post #4 of 481
Thread Starter 
Oh, you guys are good!!!

I love the baby sandwich. That is great. I am actually jealous. I just get buttered toast

ITA with wrestling, never having to buy or cook meat and the guilt thing..I agree with them all, but these just stood out

You guys rock! I feel EVEN better about it now!
post #5 of 481
You guys have named GREAT ones! Also:

--I love how powerful and competent I feel, knowing I'm doing a very tough job all by myself, completely solo, and that we're THRIVING. *I* fixed the furnace! *I* managed to keep us $afloat$! *I* gave her that confidence and security! *I* know exactly what cool activity she'd love this weekend, and get us in free! *I* found and nurtured her musical talent!

Wonderful thread idea, meco, thank you!
post #6 of 481
I get to show my boys that girls can fix things with screwdrivers.

I have time and energy and motivation to figure out my life without being distracted or having someone elses opinion affecting my decisions.

I have become very resourceful.

I am more politically aware without having to debate all my thoughts.

I get to choose the music.

I am more compassionate for my fellow human beings.

I can really appreciate an hour alone in a cafe.

The spiders I find occasionally in the house don't get squished, they get put out the window.

I can wear the most tacky pink fake satin robe and fuzzy slippers without anyone critiquing my fashion sense except my boys who think I look like a princess.

I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions.

I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut.
post #7 of 481
Great idea! I agree with everything you listed, and I'll add my own:

1. No more being scrunched between a snoring husband and a wiggly baby ... Alex and I fit perfectly into the king sized bed together.

2. No more sadness and drama brought on by my x

3. I can buy/not buy anything I want ... my money (what little I have :LOL) is 100% my own now!

4. If Alex and I want pancakes for dinner, we do it!

5. My time at home is focused 100% on Alex, I don't have to worry about balancing a needy husband, and a needy toddler.

I'm sure there's MUCH more, but I'm getting tired. :LOL
post #8 of 481
oh I love this thread - we had waffles for dinner tonight!!

Here's my list -

doing yoga in the middle of the night
having loooooong phone conversations
no one asks "who was that on the phone"
having dinner at my parents' whenever I want
having BOTH sides of the closet and ALL the drawers in the dresser
Girls' night at my place!!


But the best part is being able to stay home with my baby. I'm working from home, mostly late at night - that never would have worked with my ex in the house.
post #9 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajama

I can really appreciate an hour alone in a cafe.

I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions.

I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut.
ITA with these three. Mamajama- You said it better than I could have and gave me a good laugh.
post #10 of 481
Another:

Having gone through pregnancy, childbirth and all of my child's childhood (so far) solo, it feels like I already summited the mountain. I know there are, and will continue to be, challenges, but it (usually) all seems pretty minor compared to what I've already faced. Years of sleep deprivation? Money/job woes? Pshaw! *I* have already survived!

I don't know about you guys, but my obnoxious pride leads me to "market" single parenting (as a viable choice, and certainly as an "at least as moral/functional/happy" family type). I have my motto in my signature here, and more than a few times I've reacted to someone's remark on my parenthood achievements by saying serenely (and, okay, maybe snottily), "oh, but I'm a single mom, so I'm Superwoman." I especially like knowing what it's doing for my girl-child's family pride, and dreams of her own future possibilities, when she overhears me.

Then again, I could be just a snot.
post #11 of 481

Toiletries : )

I love the fact that no one borrows my razor : )
I love the fact that I don't feel any pressure to use that razor : )
post #12 of 481
Great Thread!!!!

I love all of the responses so far, and here are my additions...

1. I can choose whether or not to vaccinate my kids because my ex has no legal custody at this point.

2. We can go to Target at 9:00pm at night with no one freaking out on us (ex wouldn't let us leave the house after dark unless he was along for the ride).

3. No tip-toeing around the ex and his "issues" (couldn't have any noise in the house, no candles or incense because of his "allergies").

4. I can buy chocolate at will.

5. I can decorate the apartment as I see fit for the holidays.
post #13 of 481
Everyone that lives in our house is cherished.
post #14 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by woo27ks
Everyone that lives in our house is cherished.

This is by far the best thing.
post #15 of 481
-no listening to snoring at night
-no stubble in the bathroom sink in the morning
-no arguments
-no adult pouting (plenty from the kid, though ;-)
-no complaints about how I spend money
-no struggles over what music to listen to
-I only have to pick up after myself and my girl.
-I am not worried that I'm being cheated on. Unless my 3 year old is seeing another mama on the side, which would explain why she came home from daycare with different socks on yesterday.
-I am less lonely that I was during my marriage.
-And I feel healthier.
-And it's so much nicer w/o a vegan in the house making Tuno and other soy horrors. The smell of that stuff makes my eyes water.
-But mainly, the best of all is the Peace.
-And the comfort.
post #16 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by boston
--I am not worried that I'm being cheated on. Unless my 3 year old is seeing another mama on the side, which would explain why she came home from daycare with different socks on yesterday.
.
:LOL

ooo the stubble, I forgot about the stubble
post #17 of 481
What a fun thread! Some of my personal favorites that have been mentioned....

"If I do not feel like taking a shower, I never get teased." (so very true)

"I love that we can eat, sleep & do whatever we want basically anytime we want." (Oh yes, I love not having to check in with anyone! We can pick up and leave whenever we want to)

"I never have to watch wrestling" (or hour after hour of those d*mn video games)

"I just get buttered toast" (LOL! I'm buttered toast too :LOL )

"I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions." (LOL! For now Owen can't articulate his words so I can sing to my hearts delight and noone tells me to shut up )

"I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut." (HAHAHA.... so true!)

"I can buy/not buy anything I want ... my money (what little I have ) is 100% my own now!" (Yes yes yes!! No more having to defend myself everytime I spend a couple bucks!)

"But the best part is being able to stay home with my baby." (I agree 100%!)

"more than a few times I've reacted to someone's remark on my parenthood achievements by saying serenely (and, okay, maybe snottily), "oh, but I'm a single mom, so I'm Superwoman."' (OH! I like this..... I'm gonna have to try this someday!)

"I love the fact that I don't feel any pressure to use that razor : )" (LMAO! Okay, yeah.... gotta agree. )

"I can buy chocolate at will." (Or little debby cakes..... shhhhh...... don't tell....)

"Everyone that lives in our house is cherished." (This one deserved to be repeated )

"I am less lonely that I was during my marriage." (I hear ya)

"And I feel healthier." (It is amazing, isn't it? I feel better now, almost exactly 1 year later, than I did during what was supposed to be the "happiest time of my life"- just had a baby and planning a wedding)

And a few of my own...

No more deafening silences that last for days.

No more pretending to sleep when I hear the door open, knowing that he is home.

While there is still stress about money at least I know how much I have, as compared to before I was a single mom when ex would blow hundreds of dollars at a time, without telling me, and have nothing to show for it... leaving me to figure out how to pay the bills.

I can dress Owen however I want--- yes, I got him the cutest outfit for Thanksgiving- complete with a plaid button down shirt, blue dress pants, and a sweater vest (and I'm searching for some matching dress shoes)--- and NOONE can tell me no (though my dad told DS he was sorry and he would "save him" on Thanksgiving :LOL ). I'm also in the process of sewing him a Santa outfit for Christmas

I no longer have to sleep on the couch with DS, we get the whole bed to ourselves
post #18 of 481
I like that there's no one around to make me feel insufficient.

No one around to cheat on me.

No one who lies to me.

No one who treats his mother or buds better than me.

No one who freaks out if I leave the house with some make-up on and looking pretty.

No one to make my child feel badly that she's not getting enough visitation.

No one here to fight with me in front of my child.

No one here to make me struggle to have to preserve my identity and not try to make me melt into their ways and perceptions of the world.

Was being in a relationship that crappy?

Was sex worth all the other junk that came along with it?

I scratch my head in wonder.
post #19 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dumpling
I like that there's no one around to make me feel insufficient.

No one around to cheat on me.

No one who lies to me.

No one who treats his mother or buds better than me.

No one who freaks out if I leave the house with some make-up on and looking pretty.

No one to make my child feel badly that she's not getting enough visitation.

No one here to fight with me in front of my child.

No one here to make me struggle to have to preserve my identity and not try to make me melt into their ways and perceptions of the world.

Was being in a relationship that crappy?

Was sex worth all the other junk that came along with it?

I scratch my head in wonder.
I identify with each and everyone one of those. YES, it was that crappy ... and I'm still scratching my head. I go between doing that and celebrating the fact my stbx is gone.
post #20 of 481
Thank you, I really needed this today....

-I can spend 5+ hours on the computer, reading a magazine, or on the phone at night with out being given a hard time (when I know if I was on the couch, I'd be ignored anyway)

-No football ever!!! No ESPN!!! No wrestling, no stupid movies filled with fighting and cursing. The TV is all mine after 8 pm (everyone's bedtime).

-No worries about getting to the grocery store only to find that the bank account was drained. I am responsible for all money and don't have to justify anything to anyone.

-No more hiding my bank ATM/debit card or changing the PIN weekly so cash can't be taken out

-I can spend 3+ hours at the store with out feeling I need to rush home or explain myself

-No one running up my cell phone bill calling some other girl

-Less laundry, less really gross laundry, no dirty laundry on the floor

-Everyone is respected 100% of the time

-No tip-toeing around at noon as to not wake a still sleeping adult

-No fear of being screamed at by a nasty hung over adult

-No being 1/2 asleep the next day after waiting up wondering if he will come home after the bar closes or if not, where he is

-No running late (hung over adults move slowly)

-No one hitting me up for cash to buy the whole bar drinks if I do go out

-If I go out, I can leave when ever I want (no waiting to have 50 more drinks)

-No one to put me down!!!

-No one to bash me as a SAHM (cause you know we all just sit around all day, watch TV and eat bon-bons LOL)

-when stbx is being rude, I can ask him to leave my home

And my all time favorite....

-I do not have to be nice to MIL anymore!! I don't have to put up with her crap and can tell her to shove it if I want to! I don't have to go there ever again.

P.S. I've been on my own for 11 years now but this is the first time that I am the only adult of the household. This is my home, just mine. I'm really proud that I have my own home & share it with 3 of the greatest little people on the planet.
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