Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 6

[JenniferH]

It was give and take for me.

The good things were simultaneously hard for me. For instance, while I was pregnant, I lived alone. I could follow my own schedule, never had to cook for anyone but me, didn't have anyone bugging the crap out of me when I wanted to sleep, etc. At the same time, there was no one there to rub my feet or back, fix dinner when I was too tired, or hold my hand when I was lonely. It's a dichotomy that I think a lot of single mothers live with. The singleness that allows complete freedom to live by your child's schedule is also the very singleness that causes isolation, financial hardship, etc.

Only having been pregnant while single, I can't compare it with being pregnant and being married, so I have a somewhat skewed point of view.

I didn't have a partner to help me through the pregnancy, infant and early toddler years, but I wouldn't say being married with a child is any easier. There are more people to consider, and the family dynamic changes drastically. It is nice to have a partner to shoulder the load, though.

What I liked about being single the most was not having anyone else to answer to or consider. My decisions about where I wanted to live, what to eat, discipline, how many pets to have, scheduling, and social activities were final.

[eamama]

Ugh, I'm with you guys on the "dreading him coming home." It got to the point that I used to fantasize about him being killed in a car accident.

On a lighter note, AB and I had the house to ourselves (parents away) and we did whatever he wanted We ran around the house, had a great dinner, read books, danced, had some leftover Easter chocolate. (He wasn't too eager to get to sleep, but that's okay.)

Were I still with his father, I'd be worrying about *his* sh*t, not mine or my son's. My son would never get the sort of attention I can give him now. The joy and confidence my son has are so precious and it gives *me* joy knowing I did the right thing for him (and me.)

(And yes, the financial stuff can be overwhelming, but if you have enough to get by, that's all you need. A child's health and well-being can't be given a price.)

[attachedtofiona]

i didn't have time to read all the posts in this thread, but the ones i did read were ver inspiring. i really thought i was alone here, loving the single mother life! i really do not have any regrets, fiona is the best thing to happen to me and being with her father for 2 yrs was worth the prize in the end!!!!

*i love the choices i can make on my own w/o a fight(from someone who has a right to argue ) : changing her name from chelsea to fiona, no-vax, cloth diaper, no antibiodics(w/o serious cause-none yet), unassisted home birth, elimination communication, super extended breast feeding, and home schooling are just a few of the things her father would completely refuse to deal with...if he had a say or even cared to know what choices i've made.
*i am happy to say i haven't cried myself to sleep since i left him!!!!
*i was able to quit drugs, alcohol and smoking because he no can no longer
shove them in my face so that i can be fun for him!(not that i wouldn't
have eventually done it anyway, it has just been a much easier journey
w/o his influence)
*i don't have to shave anything to feel pretty :LOL
*i can be a more stable mother for fiona w/o all that relationship bull$#!^!
*i can be close to my family again, they hated him
(hindesight-understadably) and he hated them
*i can sleep with my baby and not feel like a "selfish" or "irresponsible"
mother.
*i don't have to watch him rush her to the ER for every freakin' sniffle
*i got back my: pride, self-esteem, joy, independance, individuality, TIME,
money(when i start to make some again ), and peace of mind
(he did somthing everyday that caused me to worry everyday "who or
what or where will he do, lose, hurt, steal, or end up?????"
*i don't know about you girls, but i really do not enjoy sex especially
pretending that i do :LOL - you can look into that as deeply
as you want, but it just aint happenin', well with anyone around
at least ooops too much info???
****Finally i am single happy and proud of it because overall i know that if i am a good influence on fiona she has a damn good chance of becoming a great person that feels great about who she is and the life she lives!!!!!

[eamama]

Yay Jayme! You said it so much more eloquently than I ever could.

I've given up partying too. Did it for far too long (age 14-28) and now I'm free to just relax at home with AB. I've also gathered a good group of friends who value and enjoy my son's company

In some ways I can't wait to live on my own with him, but I really do need the financial help right now.

[MaWhit]

bump, because I need it. Any chance we could make this a sticky?

[woobysma]

Oh Jayme! Those were good ones. I totally agree with everything you said. I just changed ds's name a couple weeks ago. It was so liberating, my whole family did a little happy dance when the new birth certificate came in the mail. :

[MiBabyChris03]

I haven't made it through all the replies yet. I'm so glad this thread was started, this week has had me questioning my being a sling mom. This thread has reminded me of all the reasons I'm glad ds's dad isn't involved.
A few of my favorites are:
"I'm buttered toast" I love not getting any crap for having a family bed (he's always slept with me and will as long as he wants).
"I get to make all the choices when it comes to how I raise my ds"

A few of my own:
I don't have to stop breastfeeding.
I have a sense of great self worth because of what I have made it through so far by myself!
My son is happy and health and doesn't have any parental contention/fights at home.

I know there is more but I can't think of them at the moment.

[c.c.]

I love this thread. My reasons are what most people already have said, but to sum it up in one word is "freedom". Not from the kids but from a spouse.

[CaidenzMomma]

Question.... I am still a little site stupid i have most of it down i hope but what is AB? :

[meco]

CaidenzMomma, could you quote or link the post? I am not sure where it was used

[momof2tadpoles0104]

i could be wrong but i think she was refrering to

I've given up partying too. Did it for far too long (age 14-28) and now I'm free to just relax at home with AB.

which would be AB is her child

[CaidenzMomma]

On a lighter note, AB and I had the house to ourselves (parents away) and we did whatever he wanted We ran around the house, had a great dinner, read books, danced, had some leftover Easter chocolate. (He wasn't too eager to get to sleep, but that's okay.)

And the one momof2tadpoles submitted... TY for your help

[Godmother]

I'm not a mother yet but I really just don't want to get married. So if and when I become a parent these are the reasons I've already compiled to go at it Solo:

Every mistake I make in parenting is my responsibility to fix or not, I won't be begging a partner to change, or getting told to do the same.

My kids won't have to hear me fighting with my husband. something that i still deal with in my family.

no guilt because my husband has been put second after the kids.

I don't have to mow the lawn. At my first house flowers grew when we didn't mow. it was prettier that way.

if my little boy wants to carry a purse or a doll, all the better. it's not going to shame or reflect poorly on his father.

if I want to grow out the boy's hair same thing.

there will never be a hunting rifle or gun of any nature in my house.

nameing traditions are all mine to set.

my best friends can be guys

I can have friends spend the night, weekend, month.

every chore in the house can become gender neutral.

won't have to worry about the in laws.

my side of the family will always be the cool side.

co sleeping with my babies can happen as long as it needs to.

[meco]

[Mommay]

Awsome thread. I've got to come back to it to read every last one! The ones I've read so far have really inspired me. I'll be newly single, but there was a lot I read that I have fantasized would come true once I got divorced. Can't wait.

[Autumnschild]

I'm going through a divorce right now. My girls and I have moved to a new apartment and our bathroom is *girly*. I could never have done that before. Black and white and pink.

Nobody bugs me about all of my many unfinished projects.

Nobody bugs me about extended breastfeeding.

No more dealing with controlling MIL!

My girls talk to me about Mother Earth and Sister Moon, without being scoffed at for having our own traditions and beliefs.

I am in control of my own destiny. I can change my course as I choose without being accused of being indecisive.

No one here turns up their noses at healthy organic foods.

No one to undermine my decisions regarding childrearing.

I don't need permission to do ANYTHING. I live on my own terms.

[yaM yaM]

[yaM yaM]

[ChiriMama]

I love how married women tell me that I have a good thing, this being a single mom: we can cosleep, I can breastfeed for as long as I want, and I get to make the rules.

Those are their words.

[Summertime Mommy]

I'm glad this thread has been brought back to life.

I love being able to do yoga in the middle of my living room.

Drinking coffee at midnight, without being picked on.

I love not having to cook meat just for my husband to eat.

I love not being isolated.

I love being able to be myself w/o being looked down on.