Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 15

[singleMom]

wow

Originally Posted by annevc

I've been a single mom since the start, 16 years, and can't imagine it any other way.

I love to see my son becoming a man who respects women

I get to say who's in my house

Although it was difficult to make some decisions, once I made them, I never had to defend them or have them ridiculed.

I don't have to be with a man from "need" or fear - I know I can do it on my own - the man in my life is there because he makes it better, not because I can't make it by myself. It's really awful to see all the responses about how much happier women are without men making fun of them or making difficult rules - I'm a single mom who now has a partner who's loving and supportive and helpful and supports who I am and how I raise my kid. Sometimes SINGLE isn't so much the goal as "not with someone horrible". Single is WAY better than a bad marriage.

My son once told me that although he was sometimes sad he didn't have a dad, he was really happy he didn't have a mean, horrible dad (this was when he was about 7). And that about sums it up for me, and allowed a lot of the guilt to wash away. I've raised my son in a family where honesty, respect and caring are the central tenets of his home - so what if it was a family of two? I'm seeing the results in a wonderful, open, funny, sweet 16 year old boy. Not that it hasn't been bumpy, with hard, scary, lonely and broke times - but who doesn't have that stuff? A good friend is way better than a bad husband for a shoulder to cry on - AND they like to go shopping

Thumbs up to all who make the courageous decision to care for themselves and their kids first, and ENJOY - it's great.

wow. thank you for this! my son is 15 months and i have chosen not to include his biological father (for very good reasons). it is hard but we are working it out. i really appreciate hearing of your success and perspective. i guess i am not alone...

[kindmomma]

1. I don't have anyone making me feel bad for spending time with my children

2. I don't have to rush around cleaning and trying to get dinner ready at the same time

3. On my days off I can stay in my sweats all day

4. No one asks me "so what did you do all day"

5. No yelling, manipulating, guilt trips

6. I HAVE MONEY!!!!! No one spends it but me NOW!!!! YEAH!!!

[Fishie Kisses]

I'm actually getting out of debt...amazing what happens when someone isn't spending all your money

I can selective vaccinate and don't get flack for it

So what if my house isn't spotless

4 words....I HATE VIDEO GAMES!!

My son will know how women are SUPPOSED to be treated!

[kindmomma]

OOooOooOOoo
I forgot one of the best ones!!!

NO MORE OUT LAWS!!!!! (in-laws)

[DasMaedchen]

I enjoy being her one and only!
I like that i can be secure in the knowledge that she's raised in a calm and loving environment, and I never have to feel any distrust towards anyone, because I'm the only one who takes care of her.

I like that my parenting style is it, I don't have to have any disagreements over the way I do things.

I like that I can make my life all about me and her, instead of Me, her, and someone else in the way.

I love my little family (me, her, and our cat, and then extended family, my mom, grandmother, my uncle, my grandfather, and a cousin, plus friends) I wouldn't have it any other way. It's harder, but being a single mother has changed me for the better. I am so much stronger now.

[paakbaak]

i got new ones:

*i only make HALF the amount of food every day! so...half the amount of dishes!!
*the bathroom is always clean!!!!
*debts...no more paying his!!
* my word is THE word. i loove this. raising a little boy to be a respectful man. respectful to himself and to others.
*i love that i will give him a great woman model to look to...i love this. not a suffered woman, not one who is fighting and grumpy all day. a soul-free woman...if he must look for a woman like his mother, as docs say, i hope he waits and finds himself a single mom!!!

[Purple Cat]

When I drive into the posts in the parking garage and leave a huge dent in the side of the car, I don't have to explain it to anyone! :

Purple Cat

[sugarmoon]

This thread is great. I haven't read it all yet, but I'm very new (like 2 weeks) into planning our divorce, and I read a few pages of this thread whenever I need a boost.

Here's my list so far:

I don't have to feel guilty about not wanting to be a workaholic farmer.

I don't have to feel like spending the day at the playground, or children's museum, is a waste of time

I can set up a budget, I can stick to it, I can have predictable income, and I can keep my checkbook balanced!!!!!

I can get out of debt and (hopefully) stay that way.

I can decorate my home however I want, and I can paint myself, and if it doesn't look perfect, there is no-one who can make me feel bad about that.

I don't have to feel responsible for his moods anymore.

I don't have to run interference between him and the kids. He will have to have actual time with the kids, when he is really focused on them.

I can wear jeans everyday if I want to.

I can wear whatever I want, without bracing myself for the little comments

If I clean my house, it will stay clean until I mess it up again. If I don't want to clean my house, no-one will come in at the end of the day and ask me what I've been doing all day.

I can stop feeling like I need to wait for his permission, or blessing, to live my life. I can give myself permission to live.

When I don't feel like cooking, my kids are always thrilled to have cereal for dinner!

No one will finish all the tea in the teapot, so there will always be cold tea for my iced tea at lunch.

I can figure out what I want to do with my life, and then I can DO it!

[riverrider]

This thread may me cry happy tears!

I found this thread last night and ended up staying up reading every post. I could have written so many of the posts! Thanks to everyone for sharing.

I've been a single mom for almost 6 years. It has been so wonderful that it has flown by! My son is almost 8 now. I completely echo the mothers who are so happy to have a stable home, no fighting, no money disappearing, going to the store whenever you want for how long you want, etc. We are fortunate to have a few families that we are friends with that have kind dads/husbands that my son can look to as male role models.

This thread has really reminded me how happy I am. Life before my divorce was joyless. I never regret finally making the decision to make a clean break from my ex. I literally felt like the cartoon character you see walking through the park, birds singing, sun shining, everything beautiful!

:

[ryrysmama]

What I love about being a single parent:

I don't have to cook if I don't feel like it

My son and I can do whatever we want, when we want to.

I don't have to deal with the X's crappy mood's anymore

I don't have to deal with the nasty IL's!!!

I can be who I want to be and spend time with whoever I want

[beansavi]

I love that I am finally getting the opportunity to love myself. I am feeling confident and most importantly, I feel complete without a partner right now.

That way, if I do meet my best friend/partner/soulmate... then I will be in a healthy place and can bring a whole person to the relationship.

[ian'smommaya]

i love this thread.

[Kylad]

I absoultly love this thread, being a new single mother myself it gives me hope, though all ready there are things I love.

I love love being able to make my own discions and not have them made for me.
I get to decide where my money goes, and no one is making me ask for it or telling me that because I don't work, the money is not mine.
I feel beautiful again for the first time since having my first child.
I get to decide who I hang out with including the male gender, no one is sitting there berating me for having male friends.
My sister is my best friend again.
My son gets to be the center of my world.
I don't have to feel guilty about wanting sex.
No one is makeing fun of me be of being a so called tree hugger and calling me plain because I refuse to cake on makeup.
I don't have to feel embarrased because my ex is drunk and being an asshole.
I don't have to wait up wondering what my ex is doing or if he is coming home drunk or high.
I don't have to walk on egg shells any more, I get to say what I want when I want and i can tell my ex exactly whats on my mind.
Weird as it is I'm not lonely any more, I never expected that part.
I actually feel importanat and empowered, knowing that I am doing this myself and I can do it, I stayed in a bad realtionship for so long because I was so afraid taht I couldn't do it myself and if I could go back i would have left years ago, though if I had done that I wouldn't be pregnant with my second son, and I can't wait to meet him.
One of the biggest things i'm so relived and happy about I don't have to worry about something illeagle being hidden in the house or car with my children, always worrying about being pulled over or having an emegency and them finding something awful and being taken to jail while my children go god knows where, that in itself is worth any hardship that comes.
And very best of all, I know that I get to raise my sons how I want in a way that will let them grow up liking woman instead of the oppisite and they get to be happy knowing that they are loved no matter what.

you know I have to state I'm so glad to know I'm not the only mom out there who has her children sleeping in her bed, I love knowing that.

[AKA_PI]

I love that end of the day, my son depends only me.

I love that even though his father can be a jerk (but he's also a nice guy sometimes), his has other great father figures (my dad, uncles, cousins) that can teach him how to be a great man.

I love that I am instilling great morals and values in him that was taught to me and helped me become the person I am.

I love that I will always tell him that he was concieved in love not lust (which is absolutely true).

I love that I don't have to answer to anyone about how I raise him and what I want him to do.

I love that I always have a date.

i love that being a single mother, you truly are a rare gift; and not an unfortunate individual as some would like to make you be.

I love that my home is stable, safe and a positive environment that I created on my own and not with anyone else.

[alysiaanne]

Great great thread! I found this a couple of weeks ago and it has really helped me to accept my situation for what it is. I started my own list in my journal then and decided to add it on here...:

- the toilet seat is always down
- no one to bother you for sex after you've been up half the night with the baby
- left-overs are yours and no one else's (I have left-overs again!)
- trips to the grocery store and quicker and cheaper (even with a newborn!)
- you don't have to share your baby with a moron
- you know (mostly) everyone your child is introduced to (no one who pops drugs on a regular basis)
- your child has a future
- less alcohol in the house (and no drugs)
- you know your child won't be exposed to endless hours of annoying video games
- any messes are yours or your child's
- if you want to stay up late to watch that sappy Lifetime movie, nobody makes fun of you for doing so
- ice-cream for dinner!
- that unexplainable dream about your ex won't offend anybody (except maybe your ex!)
- when someone compliments your child's behavior/well-being/manners you know it's because of what you did
- you can drool over all the hot guys you want to (I have a cop fetish)
- you can buy fruit roll-ups for yourself if you want to and no one will belittle you for it (or eat them all up)
- the only person acting like a child IS your child
- you can man-bash with other single moms
- you know you won't be cheated on
- you don't have to worry about whether or not your underwear matches your bra
- rainy day money isn't spent on beer or cigarettes
- no one to get pissed at when they don't call
- you know the trash will get taken out
- no one to give up halfway through a poopy diaper
- when you make brownies, they last more than a day (unless you have PMS)
- the bed is all yours (I'm a thrasher!)
- you're always the favorite parent
- less laundry and dishes to wash
- no beer bottles to dispose of
- when phone calls go unanswered, there's no worry that he's in the clink (again)
- you don't have to be nice to his 'friends'
- don't feel like changing out of your pajamas today? who cares!
- you can be happy
- when you cook, you don't always have to make things his way
- no more listening to why he's a better parent (because leaving his son on the other side of the country, then his unborn child was so responsible)
- your baby will never be driven anywhere by someone who is under the influence of alcohol
- and the best of all, you have self-respect!

Woohoo! Hooray to all of us independent, loving moms!

[hkitty]

Well it looks like no one has posted on this thread in a while, so after being single for six months now, it's finally my turn.

I love:
-my time off from my kids. Love, love, love that I get time to myself when I can re-charge without hearing "mom!" every 5 minutes.
-that I'm slowing getting out of debt while watching my ex's debt balloon, just like it always would except this time I don't have to panic about paying it all off.
-the peace of my house without him in it.
-that feeling that I get when it's just me and the girls and we're having fun and there's noone to answer to.
-the lower grocery bill
-the lower electric bill and pretty much lower bills all around!
-that I can say what I want now b/c what's the worst that can happen . . . we get divorced ?
-that with distance from him, I'm beginning to see that I wasn't the crazy one. And I can spot his manipulations faster and faster. And see that it wasn't all my fault and I'm not always the one to blame and it's o.k. to actually have feelings and feel them and not have someone convincing me that they're wrong somehow.

[BelovedK]

Bump

[pranamama]

it's always nice to come home :

[forthebest]

Some Things I love about being a single-parent.

It's a long-term commitment I know I'll see through
The absence of threatening and/or violent or oppressive behaviour directed
at me, no more egg-shells to walk.:
A home that stays in one piece.
The opportunity to experience a home that challenges gender-
stereotyping and the lifestyle based on these
Nobody to impose housework,nutrition and bedroom rules and
limitations:
The opportunity to grow as a person in my own right despite the
many protests that I am 'incomplete' as a person without a male
live-in partner
Knowing that despite the systems often disparaging and punitive attitude
towards some moms that I have done this incredible feat ON MY OWN
therefore I've accomplished something great when I was told I would
amount to nothing at all.
No other adult taking my leisure-time for their own.:
Not having to look after another able adult, his chores, his child-care
responsabilities foisted on me because he simply has better things to do
than er..'womans work': streuth!
No trying to look 'good' to keep him 'interested'.:
We all seem to like not having to keep our tummy's sucked in lol
I think I used to try keeping my butt tucked in too
I agree whole-heartedly with the pp's who love not having to juggle
attention for spouse/attention for kids, family is family not a part-time
commitment. Adult only time is good too but we're not on a clock are we?
I have more fun/patience with my kids when I'm not being pigeon-holed
and harrassed to 'finish up with the kids and give spouse time' while he
sits about not helping out.:
I love not feeling the fear quite so much. The fear of violence, fear of
not being good enough, fear of escalating arguments started by him, fear
of being a failure and being told what a failure I am, fear of constant ridicule
I love being able to express my thoughts and feelings about stuff with my
kids and having them able to do likewise.
No-one to tell my son he's a big sissy for playing with a doll.
My sex-life's way better when I'm not servicing a man and sadly thats
how I have felt most of the time spent with one.

I'm so bitter! lol:

[paakbaak]

someone said this a few posts back:
*i love how nobody makes me feel guilty about spending time with my children. loved this one!
*just doing what i feel like doing about me, my son, my house, everything!!!

i write this just as i`m moving out of my partner`s apartment, back to my mom`s and dreaming of my own place for my son and i!