or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Why I love Being a Single Mother
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 17

post #321 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by transformed View Post
If I ever get to be a single mom (which I am hoping for) this is on my list already! You mean I am not alone?

My dh complains about Stupid hippys. My best friend said "Doesnt he know who he is married to?"
This totally reminds me of when I was pregnant and I found this adorable cloth diaper and matching t-shirt that both read "Little Tree Hugger". I was ecstatic about it and showed it to my (then)-dh. Who promptly and vociferously responded with "Absolutely NOT. My son is NOT going to wear some tree-hugging crap like a hippie. I'm going to teach him what trees are really for - cutting down to make money". :

I related the whole thing to my best friend, who said in complete amazement, "Does he not realize he married a tree hugger? I mean, is he stupid?" .

Thats affirmative, Houston.

In the past 6 months since our separation, I have reveled in the fact that I can dress ds in tie-dyes, patchwork corduroys, super cute hats that look like vegetables. And no one to tell me I'm doing it ALL wrong. The only thing is - when stbx had visitation, he chopped all of ds's long curls, bought him a Carhartt jacket and then attached a furry lynx tail to the zipper.
post #322 of 481
sooooo why did we end up with these men?
post #323 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by ian'smommaya View Post
sooooo why did we end up with these men?
Me personally - I was tired of dealing w/lazy pot-smoking hippie-men! LOL!

No, really. I know LOTS of hippie guys that I adore, and consider fabulous parents, so I hope the hippie comments dont offend anyone. I just never managed to find one *for myself* that supported my parenting beliefs and didn't engage in an unhealthy amount of bong-smoking. I just seem to be drawn to men that tell me what I want to hear, and somehow I end up convinced that even though they may think differently than I do, they will eventually see things my way. . Hindsight: yeah right. Never marry a man who isn't already who you want him to be, especially if you plan to parent together!

Why I love being a single mother - my kid can be a tree hugger, just like his Mama. His favorite animal is deer (we have them in our yard and he LOVES watching them eat and nest in the grass) and I dread the day when he asks me why Daddy has dead deer & caribou heads hanging on the wall :Puke.

*sigh* how do we marry these men?
post #324 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manzanita Pixie View Post
super cute hats that look like vegetables.
so can I "go back" and do this to my 6 yr old? maaaaaaan! !

darn it, should have left sooner
post #325 of 481
Ladies, thank you for this thread. I am at the very beginning of my single parenting journey. DH and I have been separated for one month now and I just signed my divorce papers yesterday so now he will be served and we'll see what happens. I am so scared of being a single mom and this thread is good therapy for me.
post #326 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manzanita Pixie View Post
Me personally - I was tired of dealing w/lazy pot-smoking hippie-men! LOL!

No, really. I know LOTS of hippie guys that I adore, and consider fabulous parents, so I hope the hippie comments dont offend anyone. I just never managed to find one *for myself* that supported my parenting beliefs and didn't engage in an unhealthy amount of bong-smoking. I just seem to be drawn to men that tell me what I want to hear, and somehow I end up convinced that even though they may think differently than I do, they will eventually see things my way. . Hindsight: yeah right. Never marry a man who isn't already who you want him to be, especially if you plan to parent together!

Why I love being a single mother - my kid can be a tree hugger, just like his Mama. His favorite animal is deer (we have them in our yard and he LOVES watching them eat and nest in the grass) and I dread the day when he asks me why Daddy has dead deer & caribou heads hanging on the wall :Puke.

*sigh* how do we marry these men?
oh god. you didnt offend at all. i hope i didnt either. i was just kinda asking out loud, ya know? although i rather have it be smoking pot all the time then drinking all the time, at least potheads dont get violent.
post #327 of 481
When STBX moves out, the first thing I am going to do is take out his "beer fridge." Yes, he has his own full-sized refrigerator just for beer. Gone. I am canceling DirectTV at $200 a month (that's right). He will be taking his 2 flatscreens with him, so therefore they won't be running 24/7.

I will save a fortune in utility bills!
post #328 of 481
you could sell the t.v.'s and make a fortune.



i am not actually suggesting that. its just a joke.
post #329 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by ian'smommaya View Post
you could sell the t.v.'s and make a fortune.



I am not actually suggesting that. Its just a joke.
:d
post #330 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by ian'smommaya View Post
sooooo why did we end up with these men?
thats a million dollar - and incredibly valuable- question.
post #331 of 481
i thought i killed the thread there for a while. i've asked the same question to myself.
post #332 of 481
I can't believe how much alike so many men are! I'm so much less surprised that stbx turned out to be such an idiot.

I'm looking forward to:
- not always tensely listening for someone else stomping around the house
- having my dd all to myself without bracing myself for someone barging in on the bath/bed ritual and completely disrupting it (because suddenly after 2-1/2 years he's decided he'd better start acting like a parent, but doesn't really have any idea how)
- not having to clean up after a 6 ft. 200# child
- flatulence being handled *ahem* discreetly, not trumpeting out in the middle of dinner or a conversation
- sharing sleep with my dd as long as we feel like it
- nursing her as long as we feel like it
- relaxing
- not feeling like I need to be able to justify what I do with my time or how I spend my money
- providing a home full of nothing but happiness and love for dd

I know there will be more when I finally get to be a single parent! I'm soooo looking forward to it! I love this thread!
post #333 of 481
:

I read this whole thread between today and yesterday. I'm seriously considering that being a single mother by choice might be the best option for me. Divorce rates are SO HIGH, and I'm not sure I want to have to feel the pressure of maintaining a relationship with my child's other parent. I want to be able to choose multiple male role models for them as I go. I want the freedom to travel and move where I like, without being tied down. I want to be attached without criticism. I don't want to make compromises on what's best for my children! I want them to be exposed to a capable, strong woman who can do anything without having to ask permission.

I'm saving up a lot of money and planning and I won't be TTC for a couple of years at least, but it's on my mind. It's so nice to know that there are mothers out there making it happen!
post #334 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by habitat View Post
I want the freedom to travel and move where I like, without being tied down.
I do not want to burst your bubble, but standard agreements have each parent with two weeks "vacation" and you having to notify the dad if you take the child over state lines. Not to mention 50/50 custody. And if you move out of the area you can be responsible for all the transportation for visitation. At least, that is how it is in my state (if I even move 25 miles, out of the county).

Again, it might not be what you personally end up with in your agreement, but that is the norm where I live--not much geographic/travel freedom there...

Tara
post #335 of 481
...

Edited by habitat - 1/16/11 at 4:00pm
post #336 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by tarasam View Post
I do not want to burst your bubble, but standard agreements have each parent with two weeks "vacation" and you having to notify the dad if you take the child over state lines. Not to mention 50/50 custody. And if you move out of the area you can be responsible for all the transportation for visitation. At least, that is how it is in my state (if I even move 25 miles, out of the county).

Again, it might not be what you personally end up with in your agreement, but that is the norm where I live--not much geographic/travel freedom there...

Tara

yeah. that isnt how it works here. maybe if you were married it makes a difference...
post #337 of 481
i will never have to listen to him blame me for things that go wrong in his life!
i will never have to listen to him swear at people on the road
i will never have to listen to him criticize my parenting
i will never have to listen to him complain about the food i make
i will never have to listen to his hard music and tv going at the same time
i will never have to listen to him complain about my family
i will never have to listen to him period!

i can decorate my place finally!
i can eat what i want for dinners!
i can sleep in light colored sheets, no one there to stain them with sweat!
i can visit family and stay over when i want!
i can sing without anyone making comments!
i can put furniture where i always wanted them!
i can enjoy my morning now that the dogs will be gone, no more poop clean up or hair all over the place.

i will enjoy my time with myself when the kids are with their father.
i will get my hair and nails done.
i will go out with my friends
i will buy that pair of shoes that i see and love
i will go to school
i will get a job
i will enjoy my life with my kids!!!!!!!
post #338 of 481
bump
post #339 of 481
Another mama joining this thread, we, or rather I, have made the decision to seperate, now we just have to save up enough money for the deposit of a new place.

I will be able to watch what I want on the tv, or just keep it off.

I will not have to turn off my really cool music just because he walked in the door and had to turn on the tv that had been off all day.

I will no longer have to sleep with the lights on.

I will have no judgements made about my friends.

I won't have to lie about where I have been or doing while gone.

I won't have to check in constantly.

I can cook what I want, how I want it.

If I burn something, nobody cares, and will eat it anyways.

If I burn something, I won't have to hear "But baby, its because you never follow directions!"

No more being in charge of his health, and feeling guilty and worried when he doesn't come through with his promises.

No more being treated like a child.

I will be able to follow my spirituality without feeling censored.

I will finally own my sexuality.

I will be able to try something new (and like it!) without hearing "but you dont like that!"

I will never again be locked out of my own house, unless I do it by accident.

I will no longer feel guilty when another guy gives me butterflies.

No more dirty socks and underwearing lying on the floor 2 feet from the clothes hamper.

No more critisism of how my cool music is crappy, only to find it on his mp3 player too.

No more cleaning razor stubble off the sink in the morning.

No more being censored in front of his family.

No more seeing his family against my will!

My son can wear pink if he wants to (cuz real men arent afraid to wear pink!)

I can go mudding without hearing a lecture about how I am tearing up the vehicle.

I can finally trade my minivan in for a truck!!!

I can buy the really tacky but incredibly sexy black satin sheets I have always wanted.

No more feeling like a maid because I do most of the cleaning.

No more being 'walked up to bed' at 10pm because he needs to sleep (on the couch!)

I'll finally have my couch back!

Did I mention how much I hate being told when to go to bed???

No more having the cash 'borrowed' out of my car.

No more waiting for broken promises.

No more giving meaningless chances.

No more having someone listening in on my phone conversations.

I can spend hours on the phone without someone getting pissy about it.

I will finally be free to do all the things I've wanted to do.

I might even kiss a girl.

I will be able to cuddle in bed with my boys until 2pm if I want to.

I won't come up to him in really hot lingerie only to be told that I need to take a bath first, even though I took a shower a few hours ago. C'mon, what guy turns that down???

I will no longer feel like his mother. He will no longer treat me like I'm his child.

I won't worry when he chooses not to wear his seatbelt. It's not my problem.

I won't worry when his health declines because he isnt taking care of himself. Not my problem either.

I actually am excited about finally being out on my own, and making my own decisions.
post #340 of 481
ex came over for dinner tonight. i invited him, i thought it would be good for the kids to see us together every now & then.
ugh.
i'd spent all day with feverish boys draped across me, so i was still in my pjs and my hair was a mess when he arrived. i asked him to hold them while i got dressed. halfway through getting dressed they came into my room looking for someone to hold them. he was in the living room, flicking through my cds. he made some snarky comments about my music. apparently he'd forgotten to hold his sick sons.
then i asked him to watch them while i made dinner. he didn't. i got to make dinner with a kid pulling on each leg. it was like deja vu.
we ate dinner, he didn't say thank you. the whole way through the meal he complained about this, that and the other thing. it made for scintillating dinner conversation, let me tell you.
after dinner we tried the kids' summer clothes on them to see what we need to get. he got really frustrated when the squirmy 1 year old and the easily distracted 3 year old were not into trying on ten pairs of shorts.
then we went to the store to get shorts & tank tops for the kids. the 1 year old was too small everything there. i was trying smaller and smaller sizes on his little butt and nothing stayed up. apparently this was torture for ex. at one point he stormed away. i was worried that he'd left without us, but he eventually came back.
on the ride home, in between bouts of complaining, he decided that he would just go home and i could walk to my place from there. um, no. it's raining. i have tons of homework. the kids are sick. no.
seriously, you'd think i asked something huge & unreasonable of him.
from the moment he arrived until i got out of his car with my babies i felt like i couldn't breathe. something was crushing my chest and my windpipe. he was just so relentlessly negative. i barely spoke the whole time, i couldn't get a breath.
i am so, so glad to be free of him. this evening was the best reminder possible that i made the right choice. and i'm not inviting him over again.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Single Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Single Parenting › Why I love Being a Single Mother