Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 20

[hazeldust]

This thread is making me all emotional, because for the past four years or so, I have had two realtionships in succession and they both caused me much heartache. I still feel like I am in the thick of it and instead of feeling like this is my chosen life and celebrating it, I feel like I am just getting through. So what do I love about being a single mama?
***I guess it all boils down to one thing really; and that is total control. I am a relationship person, and if I found someone amazing I would give on this one of course, but It is one less stress knowing that however I want to handle something, well, it is up to me to decide how. I also love hanging out with my kids. They are the most amazing people and I know I have much to learn from them, and their dad is totally missing out on their childhood. I would not want to be in his shoes

[Freedom~Mama]

Just wanted to bump this for anyone who hasn't read it or for those that want to read it again!

[jorismom]

Thank you, thank you!!



I am subscribing to this thread so that I can come back to it when I'm feeling low.

I'll add a couple:

Going to the park or on a hike with my daughter and not feeling disappointed that stbx declined to go with us again.

Not staring at the back of his head for hours as he played WOW and not having my daughter exposed to his internet addiction as much anymore.

Making brussels sprouts and toast with cheese for dinner and no one complains. we seem to waste a lot less food and eat a lot more veggies now.

Freedom!

[Freedom~Mama]

Your welcome!

I am going to add some as well...

-Having total freedom. I can go somewhere with my kids and not worry about calling to check in all the time, my XH being mad because I was late, didn't bring him food, or whatever else he could find to be mad about.

-Only have to worry about myself and my two kids. Don't have an adult slob (XH) to clean up after anymore. I don't have to pick up his wet towels, clean his dirty underwear, wash his dirty dishes, etc.

-Have grown a lot closer to my DC. We laugh, we smile, we play, we are carefree...our home is now a happy and cheerful place instead of a tense and chaotic one.

-I am starting to focus on myself more than I did when I was married. I have dreams and goals and plans for the future.

-I love not having the constant disappointment and anger of XH refusing to go anywere with us, spend time with the kids, help around the house etc. It feels like a huge burden has been lifted not having to deal with that. I know I am the one that has to do things now and it is nice just depending on myself and no one else.

-I can have crushes again. I feel youthful and like a teenager again. I am not ready to date yet but I look forward to the day when I am ready and now feel like I will hold out for someone that is wonderful.

-I love having every room in my house be girly. I am all about pink!

-I love that when my kids are not with me I can have complete silence (if I want to) and can relax, sleep, read, clean, do homework, watch tv, go on MDC etc without having XH complain, yell, start fights, make messes etc.

-the pride I feel in that the fullness of my life and my DCs lives are my doing. Our lives are now happy, healthy, and loving. We have a totally different life than when I was with XH.

-In the car and in my house I can listen to the kind of music that I want!!! And I can dance with my kids without XH grumping about us being hyper and loud or yelling at us to be quiet.

-I LOVE my garden, my craft projects, my books, my journals etc. It is all mine and no one complains about it, or puts my interests down.

-I love the growing confidence, inner peace, happiness, etc that I feel and that my kids feel. It is priceless and everyday looking at my kids laughing and smiling and loving life reminds me that I did the right thing in leaving my XH.

[meemee]

bump. this is for you Devaya.

happy read

[single_cj]

Oh my God... can I tell you ladies how much I need this thread right now!?!? I'm not even technically a single mom, yet, and I'm terrified about it, but I'm also getting excited!

Here's my favourites so far since we've been separated:

• Not being pestered about oral sex (or lack thereof) TMI, I know!
• I'm not resentful AT ALL about having to do all the housework, picking up after, laundry, etc., for just the two kids that actually CAME OUT of me (instead of the one that came out of my MIL) ;P

Here's what I'm MOST looking forward to:

• Decorating however I want for Christmas without Scrooge making fun and being miserable!
• Not feeling like I have to shower/shave if I don't want to or have time!
• Having my OWN money again, not feeling like I'm spending "his"
• Getting ALL the kisses, hugs, and "I love you's" from my babies
• Finally being able to tell my STBX just exactly what I think without worry of repurcussions
• Dancing, singing and being goofy with my kids because we're all so happy!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thread!!!

[Mama Soltera]

This is so great!

I can do things the way I want.
I can raise my kids the way I want.
I can decorate the way I want.
I can have a boyfriend.
I can define me.
I am the boss of me.
More freedom.

They sound selfish but being a solo mom can be so hard that you use what you can use, right?

[mum2bubba]

Hi ladies, I am new here, I'm Cassie from Australia.

Anyway I saw this and know that I want to be a single mum. I am in a relationship now and do care about my fiance and love him but things have been rocking for years. I try so hard to make it work but I often feel like giving up. I often picture what it'd be like as a single mother and when I think about it I know me and the kids would be happy. I just need some motivation or something to make the final decision so reading this thread (have not read all of it yet) is helping alot. I envy you all actually.

I guess for me the best thing about being a single mother would be:

1. Not feeling guilty about spending money on myself or kids or anything
2. Not feeling guilty about not being in the mood for sex
3. Not getting angry/resentful if I'm the only one doing housework (well I have a few kids that can help, but my 31 year old partner has to be told what to do like a 5 year old so...)
4. My 3 year old is having some sleep issues and comes into our bed every night so if I was single I wouldn't feel bad about it, she can come into my bed (same with my other 2 kids if they want) and they won't be yelled at or whatever
5. I can cook what I want
6. Watch what I want on tv, no more sport (well, maybe just a little) but not on aaaaallll day long on weekends with the tv up so loud (seriously is that just a male thing or what?)
7 No more violent video games or video games in general, though I might think about some educational ones for the kids at some stage
8. No more being made to feel guilty because I'd rather stay up late and go on the internet (which I'm doing now) instead of snuggling in bed together because I am too angry to do that.
9. I can raise/discipline the kids how I want
10. No more arguments about discipline etc while he yells at the kids all the time and I try very hard not to
11. No more giving in to materialism. I don't NEED a big screen tv. A medium or even a small one is just fine and if I don't want it on all weekend/day then it doesn't have to be
12. I don't have to feel sad when I see the kids' hurt faces when they ask 'why isn't daddy sitting with us' when we eat dinner at the table, but he'd rather sit in front of the tv watching sport even though he's either been at work all day and not seen us all day OR been watching the tv all day anyway.


*sigh* I wish I was single.

There are probably other things but I am tired, it's 11pm here. I will be back to post more.

[DCMama01]

Reasons I love being a single mom:

Not living a lie.

Being able to go out on dates! (I have one today lol)

Having more room in my bed.

[lac_2233]

It seems like you all are celebrating being single!!!!

I need to take a different approach (cause I promised myself I would not let him get the best of me anymmore!) So this is all about my girl...

I love that she gets to sleep in my bed, cause man she is funny first thing in the morning!
I love that I am so in tune with her I know when she is sick, sad, comfortable, uncomfortable, happy, mad, just being a brat...
I love that when visiting out of state family HIS parents said (and I quote!) "YOU are doing such a great job raising her."
I love that she mine, all mine!
I love that at 3 1/2 she already knows that I am there for her in every way. That might mean I get the worst of her sometimes, or that she might tell her dad that she doesn't like me, because she knows that I will always be there. I never go away!!! LOL
I love that she is so secure in my commitment to her that she explores the world freely, openly and with much enthusiasm.
I love that I am closer to her now that I am parenting her alone than it was before.

This was fun and much needed after a tough day with my girl!

[cupcakez<3]

im not a single mom yet but im gonna be lol i am married but hopefully not for long im excited for my new life scared and nervous but that what happens with the unknown..a change but deep down i know its for the best for me and my kids <3 okay here is what im going to look forward to:

no more lies worried what hes doing..whether hes really at work. Or who hes talking to.
All that time i used worrying what hes doing i can spend it with my kids!!

im going to be cleaning up for me and my two kids not three.

less laundry...dishes

no one to make comments about the way i drive lol

to be truly happy no more arguments, fighting,and for a first me and the kids are gonna be a PRIORITY not on the back burner as an OPTION

Im going to cook what i want no more meat cause HE wants it...if we want ice cream and ceral for dinner we gonna be able too

No one to get mad and jealous if a guy checks me out (when secretly he had two girls on the side)...now im be able to smile back if i wanted to haha.

when i do get my own place i get to decorate however i choose!!!

I can go back to school and not worry about his needs..traffic tickets..debt...him wanting uneccesary things.

No more IN-LAWS!!

most importantly to to get my happiness, confidence, independece, and freedom back to be a better role model for my kids!!!

im so grateful i found this site its so empowering and encouraging that I can do this and that I know this is the right thing for me and my kids, when i have doubt and turn weak minded to his sweet talk trying to get back together just to go thru this cycle all over..I can look at this thread and get my mind back to whats gonna make ME happy!!!

[Devaya]

Originally Posted by meemee

bump. this is for you Devaya.

happy read

Just saw this now. Thanks Meemee!

I'm feeling really good about being a single mother at the moment...I feel so empowered and tons more in control of my life. And I'm having fun and having crushes too, Freedom Mama!

[tessa67]

Being able to budget $15 for fireworks, letting DD3 pick out her little, simple and fun fireworks instead of spending $100's on a bunch of huge noisemakers and having to sit and watch them for hours (yawn).

Doing our fun fireworks, coming inside and snuggling on the couch and watching Shrek 4 while eating ice cream.

Perfect way to celebrate the end of 2010. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR MAMAS!

Edited by tessa67 - 1/3/11 at 10:46am

[bananabee]

No one told me I couldn't have a Christmas tree this year!

I got to play traditional type Christmas music without hearing how stupid it is!

No more wiping sticky dried drips off of the kitchen floor and counters!

No extra dishes to wash and no one mad at me for not washing them!

No more walking on egg shells!!

My lawyer makes STBX behave respectfully to me!

No more icy slippery steps because STBX did a half-assed job of shoveling the snow and what was left froze over before I noticed.

No more moldy ceiling in the bathroom because he couldn't be bothered to let the steamy air out.

No more feeling nervous or angry in my own bed.

No more fines or notices from the city for our yard being out of control.

No more trying to explain to friends that I need help because my husband can't be bothered while he's playing video games.

I bought new placemats and glasses for the kitchen without having to plead my case about why it's time for new ones. Next I plan to get a few new mugs!

No more criticisms about my character!

I feel strong again, and now I can raise my daughter to be strong, too. That is the best gift of all.

[hillymum]

I actually get a break now!!

I can buy crocker in bright colours and not worry about them being disliked.

I've got a social life again!!!

There is far less tension in this house now he's gone.

The cats come out far more with him gone.

I'm spending far more "quality" time with our children playing family games which is so much fun.

No more waiting around for him to finish his "things" so that we can go do something fun.

There's a lot less junk food in the house.

I don't dread going to bed.

[frannyfresh]

I love this thread! I havent posted or checked in for a couple of years now. Just seems like today it dawned on me that I have been single parenting even when my DD dad was here.  Im going to keep reading and become inspired why Single Parenting is great.

[MamitaM]

I didn't read this whole thread, way to many reasons for loving being a single mama! I love, among other things:

Being able to cook anything I want and if it turns out badly, no one complains.

I can eat left over dinner for breakfast!

I can wear my jammies all day long if I want.

No one is second guessing my parenting choices or telling me not to co-sleep etc...

Freedom!!!!

[momma,mia]

Originally Posted by mamajama 

I get to show my boys that girls can fix things with screwdrivers.

I have time and energy and motivation to figure out my life without being distracted or having someone elses opinion affecting my decisions.

I have become very resourceful.

I am more politically aware without having to debate all my thoughts.

I get to choose the music.

I am more compassionate for my fellow human beings.

I can really appreciate an hour alone in a cafe.

The spiders I find occasionally in the house don't get squished, they get put out the window.

I can wear the most tacky pink fake satin robe and fuzzy slippers without anyone critiquing my fashion sense except my boys who think I look like a princess.

I can sing the most irritating falsetto opera in the house,without any inhibitions.

I no longer feel the need to suck in my gut.

 I looooooove the part about the boys thinking you look like a princess!!!  That's beautiful!!

[feadie]

I love love love this thread

*I only have one needy child instead of a needy child and a needy partner

*Only 1 person asks me where their underwear is

*I get to snuggle up to my DS in bed all night long without being asked when he is going to move into his own room

*My ds and I miss nursery/pre school whenever its appropriate (tired child/anxious child) without being told that he needs to be socialised and educated

*There is no angry discipline

*There are no deafening silences

*There is no pretending to be asleep when he comes in the door

*I am less lonely than before

*I can take my ds to parties, leave when I'm tired and never have to leave him with babysitters in the name of "date night"

*I am richer in my poverty than I was being wealthy and miserable

[Maiasaura]

Wow, great thread!!
 

Originally Posted by boston 
-no adult pouting (plenty from the kid, though ;-)
-
-I am not worried that I'm being cheated on. Unless my 3 year old is seeing another mama on the side, which would explain why she came home from daycare with different socks on yesterday.
-I am less lonely that I was during my marriage.
-

1) Yes!!!

2) Aww! That's hilarious, and so cute.

3) YES.
 

Originally Posted by StephandOwen 

"I just get buttered toast" (LOL! I'm buttered toast too :LOL )


"I am less lonely that I was during my marriage." (I hear ya)

No more deafening silences that last for days.

Buttered toast-- hooray! Though ds has migrated to his own bed in the last 3 years. We coslept for 7 years, though!

Less lonely-- you betcha.

And the deafening silences-- I create them. I LOVE them. They're MINE
 

Originally Posted by Freedom~Mama 
-I love having every room in my house be girly. I am all about pink!

This. I am not all about pink at all, but I can have the house the way *I* want it!! Now, don't get me wrong, I love love love books, but Xdh used to have a compulsion about them, and he would go to the thrift store when they had fill a bag for $5, or 20 books for $1.00, and come home with tons of them. When we split up, I packed up and got rid of twenty-three banana boxes chock full of them.

Originally Posted by feadie 

*I only have one needy child instead of a needy child and a needy partner

YES. Yes.

Thanks for this!

This sounds morbid, but....I got lucky. Xdh died a couple years ago from lung cancer. Which is sad, but I'm not stalked. I have no more mental anguish. I don't have anxiety. I don't have to worry about sharing ds with a mentally unstable person. I'm responsible for it ALL.

As for being Supermom, I get a lot of people saying "How do you DO it, all by yourself?" And my answer is usually surrounding a lot of these things on this thread, plus "It's all I've ever known. What am I going to do, send ds back?"