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Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 22

post #421 of 481

I am available to fall in love with the right guy

The bonds I've made with other women since the split who relate to being single mothers

Having built in "me" time during DD's visits with the ex

A constant motivation to do better and go for what I really want in life...knowing someone wants me to fail keeps me motivated smile.gif

 

post #422 of 481

Bump.  I am enjoying this thread very much.  Finally at a place where I can see the benefits of single parenting for myself.

 

I love that my home is emotionally peaceful now (yes, even with four kids). 

 

I love that I am not walking on eggshells or tiptoeing around someone else's moods and quirks.

 

I love that I do not feel inadequate at home anymore.

 

I love that I get to take credit and responsibility for everything...instead of shouldering the responsibility and having to share the credit. 

 

I love that I get "enforced days off" and time alone in my house two weekends a month when the kids are with their dad.  For me, this is a blessing, and I know not everyone here has it, and I am very grateful for it.

 

I love that my kids are not having to deal with contradictory values under the same roof.

 

I love that I am not accommodating another adult all the time. 

 

I love that I can choose to be with other adults when I want to - and not when I don't want to.

 

I love that I am now mothering only four, as it should be, instead of five (four littles and a grownup.)

 

I love not sharing the bed (unless my kids need to, and then I love that we have plenty of space).

 

I love that I get to decide where everything goes.

 

I love that all the clutter is mine to get rid of.

 

I love getting to do home improvements my way.

 

I love that I'm finding out how strong I really am.  I love that my kids are getting to see me growing stronger.

 

I love that I can serve whatever I want at Thanksgiving without being called a hypocrite for some reason or other.

 

I love not feeling like I come second to online gaming.

 

I love not having sex.  Seriously.

post #423 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by worthy View Post


 

I love that I get "enforced days off" and time alone in my house two weekends a month when the kids are with their dad.  For me, this is a blessing, and I know not everyone here has it, and I am very grateful for it.

 



Yup.  The schedule is different for me, but I love it too.

post #424 of 481

Im a new single mother (even though this split was 4 years in the making). Im going to write a list of things Im excited about. Im going to ocme back to this list when I've had a rough day.

 

-No more stinky feet propped up on my coffee table. Gross.

-No more Call of Duty (or any other video game). I swear this was the deal breaker in our relationship!

-No more meat and potato/carb infested meals. YAY to veggies!

-No more dissing/putting me down because he has a better job than me.

-No more being uncomfortable undressing in my own home (he was not fond of the stretchmarks I got during pregnancy...awesome for my self esteem)

-No more wondering what life would be like/how awesome it would be to be a single mother.

-No more TV's blaring!

 

I will be attending college next semester full time and Im bound and determined to prove to myself that I CAN make it on my own! It will be hard and the pressure/sadness is already starting to creep up on me but I know if I keep strong I will be happier in the long run!

post #425 of 481

(ETA: this may come across as a bit bitter, I only kicked my cheating H out yesterday after discovering he was STILL cheating, even though I took him back, after he begged, and we were in marriage councelling!)

 

As of only yesterday I'm a single mum to two little girls, it going to be a rough ride but here are the things i'm looking forward too:

 

  • having energy and patience for my children, because I'm not desparatly trying to make my relationship work
  • no more wondering if he is still cheating (of course he was!)
  • when bailiffs come to the door I can cheerfully say 'No XP doesn't live her anymore ... here let me write down his new address"
  • I don't have to keep the kids quiet because daddy has a hangover and is asleep at midday
  • No more lying in bed til 6am wondering when he's going to come home
  • No more pretending its not a big deal when he comes home at 6am
  • no more wondering why he takes his phone every where he goes
  • no more crying myself to sleep because he doesn't want sex and it been 2 weeks!
  • I can control my own finances and pay off the small amount of debt I'm in
  • I can budget my money and buy the things I need and want
  • I don't need to get pissed off because I couldn't get my haircut because we can't afford it by he can buy beer and junk food
  • no more worrying about his drinking
  • no more worrying about his high blood pressure and the massive amount of salty junk food he eats
  • no more keeping track of his prescriptions and putting all his meds in the weekly organiser ... then checking that he has taken them
  • no more explaining to my friends why I'm always alone at parties, gatherings
  • no more making small talk with his drinking buddies wives/gf's because I go to all his friends gatherings
  • no more junk food in my house, my kids can't bug me for junk if the house if full of natural healthy food
  • no more saying no to nights out because that would give him a free pass to go out with his buddies or go **** his 20yo mistress
  • I love how friends who I've not seen for years have come out of the woodwork to offer me help and support
  • I love that I can be truely independant for the first time in my life
  • I'm looking forward to dating (although in no rush!)
  • No more picking up his dirty clothes, dishes, old newspapers etc etc
  • No more skiddy toilets, pissy seats, stinky bathrooms
  • No more picking his nose in his sleep and wiping in on the bed covers (ew!)
  • No more snoring
  • No more hearing him yell at the kids to 'sit down, shut up and watch the TV'
  • No more hearing him yell at the kids to 'go downstairs', 'out of the kitchen', 'go play in your rooms' (basically whichever room he was not in)
  • No more MIL, FIL (but love my SIL's)
  • No more covering up for him, so that my friends don't wonder why I'm with such loser!
  • No more pumping up his ego

 

Jeez! I'm gonna stop there, I bet I've lost you all already. Hopefully in 6 months I can come back and write a positive post instead of one that really is just written so that I don't take him back (which I want to do :( )

post #426 of 481

I just found this thread and read all 22 pages of posts in 2 days!! I loved hearing what everyone has said and it's all made me feel so good. Pretty much everything has been said so far but this is why I love being a new single mom (to a 13 month old and a baby in the making!!):

 

1. Not dealing with the ex and all his problems.

 

2. Being able to breath.

 

3. Spending all my time and energy on my son which I wasn't doing before with the ex around.

 

4. Not having another adult to do everything for and take care of completely.

 

5. Not getting upset anymore when he leaves us for the 4th night in a week.

 

6. I'm so amazed at how much better everything is at home and how NOT lonely I am even though my son and I were alone most of the time before.

 

7. Not worrying about what the ex is doing all the time and if he's doing what he's said a million times he would stop doing.

 

8. Not having to worry about banging on the car window with my shoe at 4 in the morning to wake him up in the drivers seat with the car still running- being passed out drunk!!!

 

9. Fixing what I want to eat and buying what food I want!

 

10. Knowing I have the strength to do all this on my own from now on and finally having his dark cloud out of my life after 6 long years!!!

 

There's so many other reasons I'm happy to be a single mom I just can't think of everything right now!!

 

 

post #427 of 481

Love the new posts. Kirsty- WAY TO GO! You deserve so much better!

post #428 of 481

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I really needed to read all this. After years of living with a financially unstable slob of a mommas-boy, who tried to turn me into his mother, and just had to have his "toys", I finally got up the nerve to say enough is enough a few days ago. It's going to be hard, but I know I'll be able to do this. I just finally feel in control of my life, and it feels great!! Thanks again all!

post #429 of 481

these are all great!

 

I love, more than anything, that I don't have to take anyone else's feelings or opinions into consideration when I do something... It's just me and Jack against the world!

 

and not having anyone looking over my shoulder when I'm on the computer or asking who's on the phone. 

post #430 of 481

Thank you ladies, this post is very inspiring!  I love this post and as I move forward I think I will be referencing it often.

post #431 of 481

To sum up what everyone has posted:  no interference.

 

I am the master of my domain! lol.gif  

post #432 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goddess205 View Post

To sum up what everyone has posted:  no interference.

 

I am the master of my domain! lol.gif  



AMEN!

post #433 of 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goddess205 View Post

To sum up what everyone has posted:  no interference.

 

I am the master of my domain! lol.gif  



orngbiggrin.gif

 

post #434 of 481

 

 

@ZenMamaPolitic I have always been a single parent, and I admire all of your posts and honesty. It is a great deal of freedom in making your own decisions for both yourself and your children. Many people forsake single parents, but I agree. I truly enjoy being one.

post #435 of 481

This thread is so super empowering, and it's what finally gave me the strength after 5 years of mostly unhappiness. So just wanted to say thank you, and he's on his way out. I'm sure the future as a single mom holds a lot of ups and downs, but how could they possibly be any worse than what I've been doing already? They will mostly be on my terms from now on!

 

Now if anyone could recommend some books or blogs on single parenting that are not overly cheesy/religious, I would be even more grateful. I think I'll start another thread for that though broc1.gif

post #436 of 481

Awesome, mama!   You can do it!

Sending good vibes your way, hopefully the transition is smooth for you.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mitten View Post

This thread is so super empowering, and it's what finally gave me the strength after 5 years of mostly unhappiness. So just wanted to say thank you, and he's on his way out. I'm sure the future as a single mom holds a lot of ups and downs, but how could they possibly be any worse than what I've been doing already? They will mostly be on my terms from now on!

 

Now if anyone could recommend some books or blogs on single parenting that are not overly cheesy/religious, I would be even more grateful. I think I'll start another thread for that though broc1.gif



 

post #437 of 481

I love being a single mother. I'm independent, self-assured, fearless, and intelligent. I'm equipped for going it alone and entirely willing to love it as much if not more than with companionship.

post #438 of 481
Four months on from my previous post and I love love love being a single mama!

I love being in charge of my life, I love paying my own bills, I love having half the housework to do (no messy grown man to clean up after), I love having more time for my kids, I love having more time for my friends, I love having more time for me, I love making my own plans for the future, I love that I'm going to move into my own house ... My own fresh start

And ... I love dating the cute Dr I met on match.com wink1.gif
post #439 of 481
Four months on from my previous post and I love love love being a single mama!

I love being in charge of my life, I love paying my own bills, I love having half the housework to do (no messy grown man to clean up after), I love having more time for my kids, I love having more time for my friends, I love having more time for me, I love making my own plans for the future, I love that I'm going to move into my own house ... My own fresh start

And ... I love dating the cute Dr I met on match.com wink1.gif
post #440 of 481

:) Kristi- :)

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