Why I love Being a Single Mother - Page 24

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26. No more having my "gifts" come late in the mail because he forgot.

27. No more having to pick out my own gifts because he "doesn't" get me and I am difficult.

28. When something needs to be done, I get it done and it's over. No more begging, asking, begging again, trying to be nice, trying to be mean about it.

29. Taking care of my severe arthritis and not having someone tell me it's "all in my head."

30. I am free to grown into who I am. I am still the same happy, simple girl he married but I just know myself better and will not compromise.

31. Being able to have a hot pink and green pillow for the cat and he doesn't think it's "gay.

32. No more political arguments.

33. Earning my Masters and PHD because I can.

34. Did I mention the apartment smells good?

35. No more listening to him do his business with the door open.

36. No more crashing my legs into a sink cupboard door at night because he leaves it open in the bathroom.

37. I don't have to share blankets. no more waking up freezing with just one butt cheek covered.

38. Maragarita in peace.

39. No more telling me I need to be medicated so he can deal with me.

40. Short pixie cut- without the lesbian, gay or manly comments.

41. Animal rescue without him complaining I spend too much time away from home.

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42. My plants are no longer neglected and get watered. He used to "forget" or he would trample them and kill them.

43. I can explore my love of photography without me "clogging up the memory" on the computer with my pictures.

44. My dream of going to Paris and Italy will come true.

45. I can live very minimally. No more truckloads of useless crap to get rid of.

46. I can go to Austin without making me feel like I am a weirdo.

47. I am no longer the one who has to keep the extended family informed.

48. No more loud Harley stinkin' up my garage.

[josie423]

Awesome thread!!! A few months ago I became a single Mama to my five kiddos. 

What I love...

Not seeing my children punched, kicked, slapped, pushed, bloodied - all in the name of "discipline".

My children and I no longer living in fear or always being on edge.

No more holes in the walls, or broken possessions.

My kids not being walked over (literally!) because they were "in his way".

No longer hearing about how fat/ugly/gross I am and no longer being constantly told to lose weight (I'm not fat).

Not being told to lose weight or eat only vegetables during pregnancy.

Feeling joy and happiness again, same for my kids.

Not hearing about his body, health or bodily functions on an hourly basis.

No longer having sex demanded of me every night (and oftentimes multiple times a day).

Not being destitute and living off other people because he sits at home all day because he refused to work since our relationship began.

No more foreclosure, collections, liens, unpaid bills, etc.

Making phone calls and not having them subtly monitored by him.

Being able to go places without him (we did nearly everything together because "families should be together at all times").

Being free to choose my own friends.

Going to bed when I want.

Eating what I want when I want.

Not having everything that brings me joy in my life being sabotaged or taken away.

Not having everything in my life controlled by him!

Being able to live freely.

[accountclosed15]

49. I can be sexy and own it without being called slutty.

50. No more clothing in the closet that smells like butt.

51. No more dirty tissues showed in between the headboard and mattress. WTF???

52. I can have a corporate career that I love and love the people I work with. I can be succesful, all done on my own.

53. I can decorate and live like I am in a little Paris apartment and not worry that my fancy chairs are going to be ruined.

54. I can play Lego's with my son for hours and leave them out.

55. The cat is much more relaxed and happy.

56. I can put on my soul moving music and dance like a looney and love it..and my son joins me now.

[onelittlebird]

I know, it's such a great thread. I've been reading and rereading every day for the past three weeks.

I sign the lease on our new little townhouse on Wednesday. It's very small - all that I could afford is either grotty, or tiny - but now we have an excuse to get rid of so much of the clutter that's been weighing us down!

I don't mean the ex's stuff; that's already all packed and ready for him to pick up. I mean all the little things that we've been keeping for too long, things that don't really have a place but " might be useful someday" - out they go! I'm really looking forward to me and my kids are living in a space filled with things that are either beautiful or useful, with no junk taking up our space and energy!

I didn't think it would mean so much to me! But then, I'm finding things out about myself I've been keeping buried for a long time....

[accountclosed15]

57. No more following him around for his dream jobs, leaving me alone 75% of the time and then telling me how I don't appreciate HIM.

58. No one laughing at my choice in profession even though I am the bread winner.

59. No more watching "Cops" or related shows for hours on end.

60. No more empty promises. We agreed to 4 kiddos and I am very blessed with DS but my child bearing days are over.

61. No more t-shirts with stupid saying received as gifts. He loved the $5 rack at the drugstore.

62. Allowing myself to splurge on a pedicure and masage monthly because it makes me feel good and I can go without him calling me 30x during it.

63. I don't have to sit here and listen to him gloat about his awesome postings on yahoo to articles- his smug superiority. Really.it's the internet.

64. No more waking up to a dirty kitchen or him burning something in the middle of the night because he got hungry.

65. I have a crystal chandelier in my living room. Pretty.

66. I can take DS to a paint/pottery class and enjoy it without him standing in the corner with his arms crossed.

67. Going to the movies and actually getting some of the nachos and cheese.

68. DS can pick out a Build a Bear and not have him rolling his eyes at him.

69. My jokes are funny not annoying

70. I can have multiple interests or think things are cool and not have someone tell me I can't make up my mind.

71. My Jeep is clean inside.

72. I can spend time on my girly habits and no one complains.

73. I don't have to pretend smile in public anymore.

74. When I hug my son, I know he will hug me back.

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75. I can have a closet full of pretty dresses just because and actually wear them without negative comment.

76. Same for sandals/shoes.

77. I get a whole night of undisturbed sleep.

78. No more asking me where something is and making me get up to point out that it is right in front of his face.

79. Time to explore art galleries, musicals, plays and the such without questioning my motives in relation to our DS. I just want to enjoy myself.

80. No more 4 hour cleaning sessions..ever.

[meandkaela]

I love all of these responses. The best has to be not having the unfortunate bad influences.

[mamatoabirdie]

Originally Posted by josie423 

Awesome thread!!! A few months ago I became a single Mama to my five kiddos. 

What I love...

Not seeing my children punched, kicked, slapped, pushed, bloodied - all in the name of "discipline".

My children and I no longer living in fear or always being on edge.

No more holes in the walls, or broken possessions.

My kids not being walked over (literally!) because they were "in his way".

No longer hearing about how fat/ugly/gross I am and no longer being constantly told to lose weight (I'm not fat).

Not being told to lose weight or eat only vegetables during pregnancy.

Feeling joy and happiness again, same for my kids.

Not hearing about his body, health or bodily functions on an hourly basis.

No longer having sex demanded of me every night (and oftentimes multiple times a day).

Not being destitute and living off other people because he sits at home all day because he refused to work since our relationship began.

No more foreclosure, collections, liens, unpaid bills, etc.

Making phone calls and not having them subtly monitored by him.

Being able to go places without him (we did nearly everything together because "families should be together at all times").

Being free to choose my own friends.

Going to bed when I want.

Eating what I want when I want.

Not having everything that brings me joy in my life being sabotaged or taken away.

Not having everything in my life controlled by him!

Being able to live freely.

josie :(  I randomly started followed the feb DDC and got really excited for all of you.  I remember when you left your hubby and I had no clue it was this bad.  I am so sorry that you went through all of that and I am so amazed at your courage.  you are awesome, mama.

[josie423]

Thank you!! I am breaking my silence now, there were many things I didn't share. It feels really good to get it all out!

[Mom31]

Love reading this thread... Hugs to you Josie... The birds are chirping and it is spring.  New beginnings.
 

[jazzybaby9]

I absolutely LOVE being single. Relationships make me feel "tied down" - which is an obvious sign I haven't found the right one yet.

I have more free time to focus on hobbies and loving myself and my daughter.

NO time is dedicated to worrying about a partner. NO time is wasted arguing.

My time is MY time. I am so much more productive! I am free to be ME with no criticism or judgment passed.

I can do what I want when I want. 

Time with my daughter is quality one-on-one instead of trying to split my attention.

I discover more and more about myself when I'm single.

I go on more adventures, I'm more social and spontaneous... I'm less afraid to try new things! I travel more. I meet more people. I could go on and on... :D

[ian'smommaya]

I love this thread!

[tonttu]

The food part is what got to me ! I honestly didn´t realize , how much it had bothered me , having to eat stuff , he likes all the time and getting " the look " at best and complaining at worst for choices I make !

Sorry , but eating french fries and sausages is not something , I consider a healthy balanced meal 

And I also don´t like to eat meat in one form or another every single day !

And I also don´t like the complaints about how much food the kids eat , when now that he is gone , it is amazing , how much less we actually use ! Funny , since all the kids still live here

And I can actually go to bed , when I am tired , roll over and go to sleep without somebody mumbling , that he can´t even get a blow job every once in a while

So , no I don´t miss sex either , especially since sex for me was turning into a chore 

I also don´t miss his abusive behaviour towards my teenage son , who never gave him a reason for not liking him , other than being himself 

And I don´t miss having to take out pet birds out of their nice big cage in the evening and putting them in a small cage in one of the kids´rooms , so that Mr . I-dont-have-a-job doesn´t get bothered while trying to sleep until noon ( or later ) 

I can use my computer , when I feel like it and not have to wait in line , until he is done doing God-knows-what on it and then accuses the kids of messing it up , when it doesn´t work properly anymore 

Edited by tonttu - 4/16/13 at 12:21pm

[Oak and Acorn]

THANK YOU! For starting this post...and for all who contributed....you've all take the words right out of my mouth.

Some days it's hard to feel positive about going at this by myself, but this was so empowering

[lilgreen]

Josie ~ you all have such a great life ahead of you. Way to go! We have so many freedoms to celebrate!

I love being free to discuss politics and current affairs with my kids without being accused of indoctrinating.

I love meeting other single moms.

I love being a patient loving mom without being accused of being weak.

I love bringing beautiful new friends into our lives.

I love being free to have a messy house when I'm too tired to clean it.

I love making super easy meals without criticism that I can't cook.

I love having long bedtime routines that give us lots of time to read and talk and not be accused of purposefully avoiding 'him'.

LOVE no sex, no pressure to have sex, sleeping alone in my bed.... until one of my kids crawls in and snuggles with me the rest of the night. LOVE IT!

[BoobsOfSteel]

Wow! what a great thread.  I read it all and did not see the most obvious benefit:

** the toilet seat stays down !! **  : )   and it stays reasonably clean too.  ok, I'm lucky to have two girls..

also, having the dresser all to myself is a huge perk. I will never share the dresser again.
 

it's been said before but I totally agree with the benefit of knowing exactly how much (or how little) money there is in the account.

freedom to express/develop my own spiritual identity and allow the kids to develop theirs, without criticism from atheist ex.

freedom to speak a language other than English with the kids, without ex complaining about it.

gratitude and relief that the kids are in a safe, nurturing, structured environment, and that the driver is not ever under the influence of any intoxicating substances!

not tolerating verbal abuse in front of kids (or in general) from spouse, in laws or anyone else

not having to live in constant drama or crises mode

not having to come home and be afraid of finding a corpse (suicidal ex) in the bed