They're picking on my short 6 year old

[QueeTheBean]

My six year old DS is in 1st grade. He is a July kid--one of the youngest in his class, and short. He told me last week that kids have been making fun of him--telling him that he should be in kindergarten or preschool because he is so small. He had tears in his eyes and said that it really bothered him. (Of course it does!) He is also pretty quiet, really smart, and a "good" kid. Someone else told him he should be a girl because he is so good.

It just kills me. He is a nice kid--he wouldn't even think to call someone else bad names (not that he is perfect, mind you, but teasing someone just isn't in his nature). He seems reluctant to tell me who is doing the teasing, but it seems to be in the lunch line--either kids from his class or another 1st grade class. Some of the kids in his class are repeating the first grade, so naturally they are bigger. He also has said that someonetimes it is the 5th graders & that they sometime poke or push him.

What do I do? Let the teacher know? SHe isn't there at lunch, but may have some more insight into the situation. DS doesn't want me to tell the teacher, however. I am trying to come up with a comeback for DS, but don't want it to be mean, you know?

I just held him & said that I was sorry the kids were so mean. I told him that it won't matter when he is a grown up, but that I know it feels bad NOW. I just don't know what else to do. I can't make him grow, I just want the kids to leave him alone.

[Losgann]

I have a small child too-the other kids in his grade are all a head taller than he is.

Does your school not have a Zero Tolerance policy?

My son is in 2nd grade and on top of being small is high functioning autistic, and to my knowledge has *never* been teased. The one time another little boy raised his fists at my son the vice principal caught a hold of the other child and lectured him a new one. I watched it happen!

I'd go to the principal and ask about a Zero Tolerance policy. As much as I loathe Texas I have to admit I'm afraid of moving somewhere that doesn't take bullying as seriously. If your school has one it obviously needs to be worked on, if not- maybe you can be the force behind getting one in place.

I tend to work on "My child's not happy, I'm not happy. I'm not happy, *you're* not happy. Want me to go away? Fix it." I was 'the troublemaker' 2 weeks into my son's kindergarten year. :LOL

Seriously though, your child deserves no less than to feel safe at school, and since you can't be there with him the school must make the environment safe for him. I'm surprised to hear today how many schools haven't implemented Zero Tolerance..

[stafl]

I'm moving this to the Learning at School forum.

I was also one of the smallest kids in my class. I got picked on, lots. Kids can be really cruel. Bullies will keep picking on you if you let them know it bothers you. His best defense is to act like it's no big deal, even if it's tearing him up inside.

[paganmommy]

Use these times to teach

I have two boys and both of them have had other kids say or do things that are mean or bullyish. I think you should talk to his teacher but also the assitant principal or someone in authority but I feel that these are the times that we can really teach our children about human behavior as well.

Whenever this has happened, I attempt to explain some of the behavior of the other child and explore reasons a child might want to make them feel bad, ex.. parents who make fun of them or are neglectful, siblings who are hurtful, etc. I attempt to explore empathy for the other child and also teach them the importance of being kind to others, etc. My children are always astonished when other kids do this but my oldest is very much aware of how bad parenting or bad home situations can affect children. He even explains the behaviors himself now. I also encourage my sons to speak up for themselves but not to do this is they are feeling threatened.

School is so hard. I personally would like to homeschool but I have to work at this time in my life and I just try to use ever opportunity to teach them.

Good luck to you,, Nancy

[ChristaN]

Well, I come from a family of little people although I am the abnormally tall one at 5'4". My younger dd seems to have inherited the short genes from my side & my dh's (he's 5'6"). I'm sure that it is harder as a boy. My brother was 4'10" in 10th grade (and one of the oldest kids). He was very popular none the less. He said that it was great when he went to dances b/c his face was always right at the girl's chest - guys!

My mother (who is 4'11") always says that "good things come in small packages" - think diamonds, good presents, and the like! I don't know if you can instill that kind of self confidence if it isn't a natural trait for your son, but I hope that it will get easier for him.

[Ms. Frizzle]

My son is in grade one, and he is also a July baby, and is the smallest in his class. He was picked on this year and I told his teacher right away. She is really great at dealing with these types of thing. She says she worries about him in the school yard because he is so tiny. With her help we taught him how to stick up for himself by useing his brains and words instead of his fists or running to the teacher all the time.
So far he has been able to fight back with his words in a good way, and the bullying has stopped. We only had one problem with him useing the wrongs words. Instead of saying ' You are bothering me, go away' he said 'You are really pissing me off, now go away. An adult heard him say that and he was close to getting written up for it, but his teacher took the other adult aside and explained the situation.
To tell you the truth, when his teacher called and told me what he said I had to hold back my laughter, lol

[Pynki]

My ds is an August baby.. The 30th.. He IS the youngest boy in his class.. He was picked on earlier this year.. We role played what would be good ways to deal with it.. I played the girl that was picking on him.. (That was hard for me to say those mean things to him. Even for pretend) and he practised his response to her.. He said.. I am not short.. I am just right for me.. That's what we practised..

THen he went to school.. And said that.. And then he also said.. And if you don't stop picking on me I'll tell Mrs.. X...

End of story.. She doesn't bug him anymore..

I hope you find something that helps you..

Warm Squishy Feelings..

Dyan

[lerlerler]

I'm not sure this will help, but it may make you smile....

my 6yo neice has Turner's SYndrome - which among other things makes her QUITE small.

She got picked on at kindergarten for her height last week.
She stood there with her hands on her hips and said

"I have Turners SYndrome and that makes me short so STOP PICKING ON ME!"

and they did!

[Lil'M]

I've dealt with this my whole life (I'm barely 4'11") and my 7 yr old dd has been in the 3rd percentile for height her whole life. She was teased a lot last year in 1st grade by a couple of girls in her class both to her face and with rumors spread about her behind her back to her friends (such as that she watches "baby videos", etc.). Her friends stood up for her (and told their parents, who told me). I worked with her on how to respond to these girls and anyone else who would tease her about her height. In addition to talking about things like how everyone is special just the way they are, I also discussed that the main thing these girls were trying to do was get to see her upset so they could feel better about themselves (they were both new to the school).

One thing we role-played was having her say "So?" to whatever was said about her and just keep repeating it with a bored voice. It can really take the sails out of someone trying to get an upset response from your kid and it made my dd feel like she was the mature one in the situation.