how long will she cling?

[awnja]

I'm a sahm with one very attached 7 mo. She's quite extriverted(sp?) and flirts a lot, but is always leaning toward me or looking at me when someone else is holding her and often cries if I leave the room. She often acts like she has stranger anxiety when with dh. At night she wants only me (well maybe just my chest ) and if she wakes up and dh tends to her she just screams.

I expected to be her favorite, but must she be miserable without me? I think she's even starting to hurt her daddy's feelings. It just gets worse (but that could be the cold she has right now). I've been having thoughts about what would happen if something were to happen to me.. I imagine weeks of crying, no sleep, etc.

Is it a phase? How long does it last? Are there ways of helping her feel secure with others? Especially her father?

Julie

[sparklemom]

She will not be so attached forever I assure you. There's nothing "wrong" with her feeling this way. It's part of her natural tempermant and a compliment to your bond with her. It is higher maintainance to parent such an attached child, but there is such a beauty to it as well. I remember having the same sad scary thoughts when my dds were babies about how much they would freak if something were to happen to me....a very scary thought. I still think about it sometimes and of course it's still a scary thing to think about especially since we're so attached (they're 5 1/2 yrs and 3 1/2 yrs). But I just don't want you to think there's anything "wrong" with either of you for your amazingly strong attachment.

[Leatherette]

My daughter was like this from 7-11 months. Then all of a sudden she was fine with others. Now she reaches out to my friends and the babysitter, and crawls around greeting everyone at parties. I just respected the stage and rode with it. And it was hard to have not one second of "me" time (she wouldn't nap if she wasn't on me, either.). But it won't be forever.

L.

[giarose]

my ds is going through the same thing right now. I can't remember how long it has been going on now, but it has been frustrating at times. If someone else wants to hold him, like dh or a friend, I make sure he sees me smiling and talking to the person first, and give him a few moments to warm up to the person before I hand him over. and it's helpful if there's some kind of object to distract him, like one of his toys, or just anything he can grab on to that won't hurt him. this has worked at least half of the time. if i'm ok with it he seems to be ok with it. but then there are those rough times where I can't put him down or be out of sight. I just hope that it's a phase that will end in a few months. to stay sane i give myself a little pep talk, I just think to myself that these days will end one day and I won't be able to hold him so close anymore, so suck it up. it has been hard, but it's nice to be loved so much!!!

[CajunMama]

Mine did this too- not all t he time, but when he was really tired it was bad. It will get better! I promise! My DS is 11 mo and now he doesn't freak if I leave for an hour.

[awnja]

I started reading up on separation anxiety and e-mailed some info to dh.. It really helped for him (and me) to know that this is a normal developmental phase and a sign of a healthy growing baby. I read that it can last until age two to three! uhg. But I see two 11 month olds here that seem to be venturing out so that calmed me down a bit. The words, "suck it up," believe it or not, help too. She's the baby, not me. I can handle being wanted, and am SOOO gratetful for her!

11 months, Abbey, 11 months... peer pressure.

It also helps to know that others have those scary thoughts too.

And yes its much worse when she's tired and she also sleeps much better with constant contact... but that makes nap time MDC time!

Thanks mamas!!!

[Hey Mama!]

I'll let you know when my 14 month old grows out of it....

[thismama]

My babe (almost 13 months) is exactly as you describe. Her papa's feelings get hurt sometimes too, but as adults I think we have to remember they are doing what is natural (wanting to stay with the primary caregiver/protector/food provider) and not intending to hurt feelings of others.

My baby's papa spends daily one-on-one time with her without me around. We have started saying "bye-bye" and she cries for 10 seconds or so as they leave me, but he distracts her quickly with somethign fascinating and she recovers quickly. If I'm around, tho, it's only me she wants.

Remember that a strong attachment to the mama (or primary caregiver) is a great sign of a securely attached baby, and the best base from which to venture forth and form strong loving relationships with other people... and I'm sure your girl's papa will be first in line!

Good luck!

[lorrielink]

Originally Posted by awnja

11 months, Abbey, 11 months... peer pressure.

:LOL :LOL

my son did this for a long time, i dont remember when it came and went but it did end.
i always got told, by family friends and strangers that if i let him be that clingy he would be clingy forever. thank goodness i didnt listen to any of them.

now my son is five and we dont even rememer those times. all i know is that now he is so confident that he's often the only one who will not be shy and clingy in new places like other children who where *taught* independance. provide for their need now and they wont spend the rest of their lives triing to get it.

go with your heart hunny and know that this too will end...... and then another phase will start, tee hee.

[Snowbaby]

My DD is exactly like that (she's only four months old). Her daddy's feelings also get hurt sometimes but for the most part he understands and, I think, is somewhat glad since he sees how hard it is to be the primary caretaker. I've also had thoughts of what would happen if I weren't there (they make me so sad for my baby!! - but I try to put them out of mind).

Anyway, no answers here. I'm trying to figure the same thing out myself, but just wanted to say, you are not alone.

[awnja]

snowbaby, celebrate! your child is socially advanced.


yes there is a mindset that encourages pushing away a clingy baby.... Child development info has said for a while now that that's a stupid thing to do... well not in those words... People who try to searate us for our own good ("You need time apart." "She needs to get used to...") PISS me off!

It just seems to come at a time when I'm FINALLY ready to be away from her for short periods, ya know? (I was clingy first.) But yeah, I know that this will be realatively brief... baby time is just different.

julie

[OTMomma]

I say "Enjoy it" Enjoy being your dc's favorite person in the whole world! My dd is almost 2 1/2 and is now a total Daddy's girl. She was just like the OP described- wouldn't even let dh hold her for long and then she started to grow up. He always helped change diapers and give baths, but sometime after she turned 1 she started seeking him out more and more. And now she goes to bed better for dh than me, wants to go places with him, and has a great relationship with all our extended family. So hang in there- this is just a stage.

[girlndocs]

I agree with the other posters on the main issue.

Now, I hope I don't come off as b*tchy because I honestly don't intend to be, but I have to say that babies do not "flirt". "Flirting" is adult sexual behavior. I really, really can't stand it when infant behavior is sexualized.

[/pet peeve]

[awnja]

Ot

I'll bite.
This is the place for soapboxes so b*tch away...

I consider fliting to include more than just seduction, making passes, sexual advances, whatever... obviously since my baby doesn't do that, and I refer to some of her behavior, as well as my own, as flirting.
SO...
What do you call the interactions between a three year old and the old lady in the row behind him in church? Or the 6 mo and the sixth grader across the restaraunt? Or even the way my husband and grandmother interact? What's a better term?

[girlndocs]

Chatting, socializing, visiting, exploring

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by awnja

I consider fliting to include more than just seduction, making passes, sexual advances, whatever...

I totally agree. In fact, it's one of MY pet peeves that over the last century or so, flirting has been so highly sexualized, when it (like, say, a hug) can run the gammut from completely innocent to a prelude to (or postscript to) sexual intercourse.

I am a flirt - and I think it's one of my better qualities, and has helped me make and maintain many friendships over the years. It's the sense of play implied in "flirting" that makes it such a better word to use for babies than a word like "socializing".

But that's just my opinion. And, especially for someone raised in today's society, where flirting DOES usually imply sexual behavior, I can completely respect a different opinion.

Wow, that was OT. Heh.

OP: What else can I say? I think everyone else is right - it will go away, you're doing the best for your daughter, and hang in there!