MIL vent

[Sitara]

Well lets talk MIL's....

I know that not all of them are this way.....but I must say I am so annoyed with my boyfriends mother...my daughters grandmother.

All day yesterday she made the most annoying comments to me about what I need to be doing with my daughter instead of the things I do...for example...

My daughter doesn't have a pacifier....she says we need to be giving her one

I need to give her a bottle instead of my breast more often so she can babysit

I told her i don't have any desire to be seperated from my daughter any time soon...( she'll be 3 months old on Dec. 3rd )

she then told me my daughter will be "attached to my hip at 9 months" and "you don't want that do you?"

Huh?

I smiled and said I wouldn't mind at all.

She went on to tell me that if my daughter won't take a bottle now, I need to leave her with my MIL starving and she'll cry enough until she eventually takes the bottle because she has no choice.

I looked at her, took a deep breath and and looked atmy boyfriend and told her I would NEVER do that to my daughter....EVER. She DOES have a choice. And she chooses to not like bottles....( well...see I've never actually given her one, but she hates pacifiers, and has no need for a bottle, I don't even own a breast pump )

She told me I would be because she has people who want to babysit her and spoil her rotten. And looked away from me and smiled and pinched my daughters cheeks then picked her up out of my arms and THEN asked me if she could hold her???

I'm so annoyed by this...I really just can't let it go still.

Not to mention later on she called her new husband Grandpa when we've insisted to her that he not be called grandpa that our daughter won't be calling him grandpa. She INSISTS that "oh yes she will."

Am I overreacting?

I'm totally

[mamatojade]

No advice just

[shelbean91]

She sounds pretty bad. I would have your boyfriend have a discussion with her or stop seeing her until she can behave.

[Galatea]

This is my all-purpose, meddling relative advice:

"This is my child. You had your children, and I did not tell you how to raise them. I expect you to afford me the same courtesy."

And if they persist, and you're mad:

"You messed up your children; now let me mess up mine!"

And if it still continues:

"Please leave" or "I'm leaving now" with no more discussion.

You have to show your backbone to get people to respect you.

I also did not want to leave my ds when he was that little, and my MIL would cry that she didn't get to see him and babysit him. Well, now he is almost 9 months, and I have relaxed and don't mind leaving him with her with a bottle of expressed milk. By waiting so long to try the bottle, we had no problem - she said he took it in about 5 minutes. If you wanted to be polite, you could say, "Well, when I am ready to leave my baby with a bottle of breastmilk, I am sure you will be able to teach her how to use it really easily," which would stroke her ego a little.

[Seasons]

I totally echo Galatea. Never mind protecting your MIL's feelings; you need to protect your child's feelings and rights.

[wende]

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I went through the same thing with my IL's who even went so far as to buy a pak and play and a car seat base for their house. As if! Eventually, they figured out that it wasn't going to happen. My ds is now 17 months old and has never left my side and I don't regret it at all. Everyone has their own comfort level and you and your child will find yours. Don't let anyone bully you into leaving her before you're ready.

[philomom]

She had her turn to raise kids. Now its your turn. I just gently find some way to remind them of this.

[Ravenmoon]

Those are the things my mom says my Mil homebirthed and breastfeed so she is very supportive.I just tell her that i am the parent and i know what is right for MY baby.

[saritabeth]

That is just so dang hard!!!!! I have left my dd with my mom for 2 hours once, but it is COMPLETELY different because we all live together! Ella sees her every day and is comfortable with her. AND I trust and know my mom would call me and not allow Ella to suffer if she was really distraught.
Im just sorry s: Your boyfriend needs to have a talk with his mom to set her straight. You really are only going to be villinized by having to get into it with her. He should be telling his mom that she needs to respect the mother of his child and that you guys will ask for her input when you want it. When you are ready (which may be NEVER but they dont need to know that) you will decide when your child is ready to be left with her.

Geez.... your baby is a NEWBORN she is right where she need to be...in YOUR arms!

Okay, I'll stop now! :


sarita

[Stevie]

Coming out of lurkdom to say I totally understand your frustration! BTDT

I first tried being gentle: told her that since DD had spent her first 7 weeks with a sitter (she was in foster care prior to our adoption) I felt that she needed to be with us exclusively. Worked for a few weeks, then she started again, I was a bit more firm, kept at me and kept at me. I finally told her that I felt she was a total failure at parenting, her son needed tons of therapy, 12 step programs and mind altering drugs, so I was going to try a different approach! She hasn't bothered me since and it's been almost 3 years and another baby since then.

I remember once when she told me that DD was going to have to get used to being with her and I gasped and said "Am I dying?" another time she worked on DH and he came home and asked if there were ever a really good reason for us to need to leave DD with someone, could it be his mother... I said, "of course" So his response? "Oh good, because I really think we need to have a night out; dinner and a movie, so Mom can watch her?" I laughed and told him to call a lawyer. And then I told him to never think he was going to get away with that kind of rubbish with me. That we had been married for 6 years without kids; plenty of time to "do" dinner and a movie, scuba dive, and whatever we wanted to do as childless people. If he wanted to go back to being childless he was welcome to, but that I was now a parent.

Crud; sorry, this turned into a mini rant of my own making. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that if you do stand up for your babe, it will pay off. She has never harrassed me about watching DS (who is 13 mo)

[sleet76]

I feel for you! My situation is not quite as bad, but my MIL does not listen to us at all. We just had a really bad visit over Thanksgiving (we live away and so we stay with them when we visit), and I am now getting really concerned about dealing with religion issues with MIL sometime soon--DD is 18 months, and our religious (or not-so-religious ) beliefs are very different. She demonstrated this weekend that she would go right ahead and do something that I stated I didn't what her to do with DD--nothing too horrible, but very irritating. So, I kow that something as important to her as saving our children's souls will not pass by easily. Grrr!