Making your own traditions when you grew up religious but you aren't now

[sweetest]

Wasnt too sure what to title this.

I am at a loss on how to create our own family traditions. Dh grew up in a go to church on Sunday kind of atmosphere and so did I. But neither one of us are religious now and that has not been an issue until this year. I feel like Im really not creating the kind of magic around the holidays that I grew up with.

My mom is Mexican and I grew up in a neighborhood which was filled with Christmas activites - Los Posadas with hot chocolate waiting at the end , carolling, Midnight mass, etc. It was such a fun and social time.

So what do you do? Dh and I have been living together for 8 years and have never been really big on the holidays, sometimes we decorate, sometimes we dont. But now I feel like Im depriving my dd of the holidays I grew up with. (which were also a source of family stress and conflict - which is maybe why I havent been much on Christmas since I left home)

This year we are visiting my dad and stepmom, and Im not sure if they expect us to go to church or not. (this is the first Christmas I have spent with my dad since I was 17 - 15 years ago) There isnt much if my childhood I would like to share with dd, but this was one good thing.

How do you create the magic?

[zaftigmama]

My dh and I are going through the exact same thing right now. We're both Jewish, and were raised in religious homes. Both of us are confused to what we believe and what we want to teach our kids. It always comes out at the holidays.

For us, so far we have been compromising by celebrating our culture, but leaving God out of it. We sing Hebrew songs, eat traditional Jewish foods, we built a sukkah, we visit family and friends. We give gifts, light the menorah, eat latkes, and talk about the Chanukah story. But we don't really bring God or "religion" into it.

We do want to raise our children with a knowledge of Judaism, but with some enlightened, modern ideals. When it comes time for religious school I'm not sure what we'll do. But for holidays, we talk about being Jewish and how we're different and how what we eat and what we do is different (ie no tree, no santa, no lights on the house).

We talk to our kids about the universe and the world and how we're all supposed to take care of the earth and each other. But given our confusion about what we believe, we haven't talked to them about God yet.

I don't know if this answers any of your questions, but my basic message is to perhaps celebrate parts of your culture, without the religious aspects. If that's a realistic possibility for your family.

Happy holidays!

[girlzmommy00]

I remember a few years back speaking to the mother of my oldest dd's friend. They are Indian (from India) and said that while they are not Christian, they do celebrate Christmas. They celebrate it as an American holiday of goodwill towards others. More of a cultural holiday than religious. So the message gets across to their children that Christmas is about kindness and reaching out to help others but with out the mention of religious icons.

I've been trying to start traditions and keep up some from when I was younger. The main traditions I've kept from childhood are more from heritage than religion. My mother's family is from Norway so I try to have a Christmas Eve close to what my grandmother does. Okay, it's not that close but I do try.

On our own, each year we drive to the big holiday lights display that the local arts center has. We also make a point of going to our town's holiday party. I'd like to find a few more things, so I'm going to be watching this thread for more ideas.

[Linda KS]

I was just thinking tonight about the funny little traditions that we have. Some I worked to create, some have just sort of happened. We celebrate Christmas in a secular way and we celebrate Solstace. We put up our Christmas tree tonight. While we put it up we listen to the Chipmunks Chirstmas CD and drink hot chocolate. That part of our tradition is something that I created. My kids dug out some goofy raindeer antler headbands that I bought 3 years ago and just keep packing up with the decorations every year. They were so happy to see them again and won't take them off, so I guess wearing them while decorating has become a tradition, too!

Most of our ornaments are homemade. I love unpacking them and remembering making them. If you want to start a good tradition, make some ornaments with your kids this year and mark your kids names and the year on the back with a sharpie. The first year we did this we made dough ones and painted them.

We always make a gingerbread house. We also make fudge for our neighbors. My kids make gifts for grandparents (with my help). We have 3 Christmas movies we have to watch: It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, and Christmas Vacation. We give a gift to someone who cannot give anything back (usually through toys for tots). We make sugar cookies and decorate them and talk about where the different symbols came from.

Traditions don't have to be big or difficult to be fun. Things that seem so simple or even silly to us can be wonderful to our children.

[monkaha]

:

I want to see the replies on this one, as we are struggling with this one now that DD is getting old enough to participate in and remember the holidays.

[Staceyhsmom1]

I don't know what traditions we had growing up, isn't that sad My mom wasn't big on lots of family stuff
We do lots of simply things that the kiddos seem to expect.
I do try to keep traditions easy, like what we make to eat. My ds who is 10 is excited to make candied walnuts by himself. I will teach him this year how to test the 'soft ball' candy stage with a glass of cold water my momma taught me that!
Decorating is a big tradition too for each season and holiday. We are 'developing' a seasonal table out of our fireplace mantle.
Stories is big too, we read and watch certain stories for yule.
We make treats for the birds.
We buy 1 new ornament each year
We celebrate advent buy doing something each day, make cookies, read a story, make a card, anything really

Traditions do mean alot to me now though. And I am always interested to see what others do

[guerrillamama]

I will teach him this year how to test the 'soft ball' candy stage with a glass of cold water my momma taught me that!

OT, but -- is this a family secret, or can you teach me too?

[rainbowmoon]

I just bought the book The Child's Year (sorry I forget the author off hand) but it's really neat and has lots of ideas nature inspired/seasonal activities. you should try to find a copy at the library.

I love the gingerbread house idea! we may just have to do that.