When the older one doesn't want to ...

[dharmamama]

... do what the younger one is doing, what do you do? More specifically, if the younger child has an activity, like playgroup or storytime, that the older one finds boring, how do you handle it? Some of my friends with two don't come to playgroup often because their older child finds it boring (it's geared toward the younger ones) or they send their older kids to play with friends while bringing the younger ones to storytime. I might not have as much trouble with this because my two are only 12 months apart, but my attitude is pretty much "suck it up" when it comes to kids complaining about not wanting to join for their sibling's activities. I feel like, when you are a family, you make a number of small sacrifices for one another, including enduring a boring playgroup or storytime for your sibling's sake. The older one can always bring along a book! Am I in for a rude awakening when my kids get older?

Namaste!

[Linda KS]

My kids are 19 months apart and because we homeschool, they do everything together. For the most part it hasn't been an issue. Usually they can enjoy the same things. There have been times when I had to remind my older DD of the times that her little sister has had to wait for her, but once I explained it to her, she understood. I try to always make sure that the child who is waiting has something fun to do -- a good book, some small quiet toys, etc.

There have been FAR more times that my younger DD had to wait for my older one. I find it very distrubing that in some families the younger child was dragged around constantly for stuff for the older child, but the parents (and the older child) feel the world will end if the younger child has to wait for the older one!

We kept going to story time way past the ages most kids do because my kids liked it. Even when my older DD was a little too old for story time, she still enjoyed being at the library and checked out her books at that time. The librarian would have her do little jobs to help.

[dharmamama]

We plan to homeschool, too, so I hope that will help with the cohesiveness of our family. We really want to encourage a sense of belonging to the family, not just that we are four people who happen to live in the same house. We also plan to encourage the idea that the kids' toys belong to BOTH of them, not these to her and those to him. I hope that will help the kids see themselves as part of a unit.

Namaste!

[2tadpoles]

I don't know about that thing you mention with the toys. I think it's fine to say that some toys belong to both of them, but I know my kids would balk if I said that all the toys belong to everyone. I wouldn't blame them. I have some possessions that I would not like to share with anyone, as they have special meaning to me.

[nikirj]

I agree about the toys. Aside from a very few very special toys, the kids' toys are the kids' toys and do not belong to one child or another. Example - my DD has some fairly dolls that are HERS, DS has a Spiderman stuffed doll and waldorf doll that are HIS, these toys are special and not subject to the same standard of family ownership. They even keep them on their dressers instead of in a box/basket like the rest of the toys. But the blocks, the stuffed animals, the baby dolls, the books, the other assorted things - those are everyone's. No matter who they are gifted to.

So...back on topic...

The kids have things that they do individually. They both come to whatever their siblings are doing (most of the time) whether it is boring or not. It is part of being a family. I mean, it would be one thing if I had something scheduled every single day for one child and nothing for the other, but really, when DS is in gymnastics, DD sits and watches (or draws or flips through books) and has never learned to expect to do otherwise. When DD is in swimming, DS watches. I'm not seeing the big deal, nor am I seeing how I should feel obligated to spare them the 'boredom'. There is something selfish about never expecting to have to wait for another family member, and I don't want to encourage that.