Oh geez, these are killing me! I'm gonna wake up ds if I laugh any louder. Here's ours.
1.) The cats are not furniture, don't sit on them
2.) The cats are also not purses, do not attempt to sling them over your shoulder and tote them around.
3.) don't expect me to punish the cat for scratching you if you were in violation of rule 1 or 2.
4.) Keep your hand out of your diaper/underpants when your grandparents are here, it disturbs them, and trust me, they are all disturbed enough without your help.
5.) Yes, mommy has hair on her "oonie", no, you cannot touch it. By the same token, if Daddy says he doesn't want to show you the hair around his penis, he means it, don't argue.
6.) You may only swear at home, sometimes it offends people (ok, not funny, but one we've REALLY had to enforce lately)
7.) Big people poop in the potty, babies and toddlers poop in their diapers, dogs poop in the yard, cats poop in the litter box. No switching it up! (this didn't actually happen, but dd did express some interest in trying both the yard and the litter box)
8.) You may use the bed as a trampoline, but only if noone is in it, and you may NOT use it as a landing pad for leaping off of other furniture under any circumstances.
9.) Do not tell the cashier that mommy didn't pay for the photos or prescriptions at Walgreens when you KNOW she did. That just isn't funny.