DD Hates Me?

[Star]

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but how wrong is it to feel that your child hates you?

I don't know what I've done wrong. DD (12months) never wants to be held by me or near me. If I am holding her and she sees someone else, she will scream and cry and kick and try to get into their arms instead of mine. She will look at me and purposely scratch me over and over again with this fast & rough grabbing motion, or grab my face with this evil look on her face and try to rip my glasses off... her little nails hurt!

I keep thinking that I must be doing something wrong. I know she's only 12 months old and can't be that vindictive, right?

It just hurts when your baby looks into your eyes and seems to purposely try to cause you pain, by attacking your closest body part over and over again with her nails, as though she's trying to draw blood. It hurts when she screams and cries so hard for someone else that she can't breathe.

I keep racking my brain, trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Is this normal? What happened to my clingy baby who wanted nobody but me? Now she wants everybody but me.

How can I stop this behaviour? I don't want her to think it's okay to scratch me.

[bec]

Oh, Star!

Your baby doesn't hate you. Really, she doesn't. She's way too little for that. She's just going through a different phase. It's hard when they are coming out of the extreme separation anxiety phase, and enter a very social phase. She wants to be with other people because they are new. She knows you and she knows you will always be around when she needs you. She doesn't know that you have feelings of your own, let alone how to deliberately hurt them.

As far as the scratching goes, I would do two things. First, I would make sure those little kitten claws are well trimmed (it's easier to deal with the emotional if you aren't physically bleeding from tiny cuts. Man! Those things are sharp!) Second,, I would start teaching her about gentle touches. We did this around this age with Karie, and started a few months ago with Emily. I take her hand and gently stroke my face saying sweetly, "Gentle touches. We only use gentle touches." Sometimes Katie joins in. I also stroke her face gently, saying the same thing. It's not a magic bullet, by any means, and might not work with an extremely..um...spirited child, but it is where I would start. It will take several months at this age for it to start to sink in and mean something to her, but it will, eventually.

I'm sorry you're feeling that your baby hates you, but she really doesn't! You're still mama, and that means a great deal to her.


Bec