I'm meetign the Midwife today

[Selissa]

and i am sooo nervous. for various reasons i just don't feel comfortable with going completly up with this uc. and i have decided i feel most comfortable with shadow care. so today is the day i meet her and make sure we are on the same page....I am soo nervous. there are no other lay midwives in my area as far as i know. no cnm in this area could legally do a uc...and would be a pain ofr me even if i jsut didn't tell her since they are ob backed here..and i went way over last time. the ob's get uppity and wil eventuyally "force" the midwife to induce....yuck...i wanna jsut not worry aobut it this time. to that end ihave been lying ot everyone aobut this baby's due date...lol


anyway i am rambing now...I do that when iam nervous

wish me luck

[mmgarda]

Good luck!!

Hope everything goes well for you.

I have my intake appointment on Friday, and am totally nervous, too. I'll be at a Kaiser facility where the prenatal and delivery care is all done by whoever is on duty. You can request a specific person for your prenantal care, but it's sort of pointless since you can't guarantee that person will deliver the baby.

The cool part, though, is that all deliveries are done by a CNM, unless there is a medical necessity for a doctor. I know several women who've delivered at this facility and had great experiences and it's the only way we can have a midwife since none of our other insurance options will cover one, so I feel ok about it. Not great, but ok.

Let us know how your visit goes!

[Max's Mami]

Did you go already? How did it go?

What is uc? :

[moonlightinvt]

Maxi's Mamy~ uc is unassisted childbirth

mmgard~ good luck at your appointment. Is this your first child?

Selissa~ You said you went way over your due date last time. What ended up happening, if you don't mind me asking. I am considering a uc also. My last one just about was--midwife got to my house when dd's head was coming out. That midwife is not currently practicing (long story) and the one I had chosen before ttc just stopped doing home births to work in a birth center. The couple other's in the area I am not real familiar with.

A friend of mine just delivered unassisted last week and it went wonderfully--so much better than her last. 5 hours compared to 30 hrs plus complications...

The lay midwives in this state need to be registered with the state. This can definitely complicate things if I bring up "uc" during prenatals. Midwifes are soooo closely scrutinized in this state--so much politics involved, ob's definitely trying to push them out . Based on second hand info the CNM's are too closely tied to the medical model of birthing that they shouldn't even have "midwife" in their title.

I hope you'll keep us posted on your progress with your decision and communications with your midwife on the topic. I wonder if anyone else due in July is thinking about uc?

[Selissa]

it went very well. she is great she is a direct entry midwife..who only does a few births a year so hse can home school her many children. she brought her 7 month old daughter and her 10 year old daughter with her. they also coem to births..it was very peacefula nd respectufl of our wishes.

honeslty idid not actually all out mention uc. I didtell her thati intended to call later...much later this time. but there are not many lay midwives in this area and beigns tahti really awant shadow care this time i dont' have a whole lot of liesure as far as asking around for a mw that woudl be willign to do phone consults.

Mainly iwant a mw for the sad reason thati have los of medical people in my family (nurses mostly but oen ob too) that if it ever got out thati went unassisted would more than likely (one that almost definatly would) call cps on us. secondarilyti also want soemon for htegrey areas..you know not huge emergencies but if i feel out of my depth i dont' want to call an ambulance..yuck. then there is someone to chat about your pregnancy iwht and wh o will clean up after the birth, bring you stuff, help out in the weeks after the birht, and help you with birth certificate information


BUT and here is the BUT..having met this midwife i am beginning to rethink my uc. she is soo nice and respectful....and totally willign ot be my birht support. I really at this moment feel very strongly thatshe woudl be apostitive perosn to be at the birth...jsut on the most basic support level. dh was so overwhelemed last tiem and didnt' knwo what to do for me..he gets overwhelmed easily..so right now i am thinking that i want her there..still late but there.

i am not a uc purist as you can see. I am a great believer in birth being a natrural process..my reason ofr wanting an uc was so i coudl have a good birth...lol and if i end up feelign like my birht will be nicer and mroe peaceful with her there..i will without guilt have her there. lol i have decided i am not out to prove soemthing...jsut to have a positive birth..however i want/need to do that.

[mmgarda]

Sounds great!

Selissa, it sounds like you've found a good match and can probably do it whichever way feels comfortable to you. I totally understand about DH getting overwhelmed! It's the entire reason why our first was born in a hospital. And my DH almost fainted during the process! :LOL

I really really wish I could do a home birth this time, but we simply can't afford it. We're struggling back after me going to grad school and still not having steady work, so we just can't dig up the $4k it would cost to do it at home. DH gets a variety of good insurance through his work so staying with Kaiser means at least I can have a midwife and go home after 24 hours instead of a doctor and long stay. Although I will say that my first birth was a great experience and I LOVED my OB.

MOONLIGHT - Did you catch that? This isn't my first baby. I have a three year old son and this is my third pregnancy. It's all in my signature.

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

I plan to UC, too.

I did e-mail one midwife asking her if she would be willing to be a consultant during my pregnancy and birth. She did not respond. It has been 10 days or so, so I assume she will not. I originally just e-mailed her because she had a hb practice and seemed committed to that (it said on her site that hb midwives cannot be insured in our area, but that she is sticking with her profession despite the personal risk she is taking of being uninsured). Then I did a search for UC and my area, and it came up with an old version of her site that mentioned prenatal care she did for a couple families who planned to UC (this was after I e-mailed). Since she took that off her site, it may be that she had some negative things happen regarding her support of UC. I don't know, but in a way, I a little relieved that she did not e-mail back. During her description of the UCers' prenatal care she described getting the families to agree to certain tests, etc. I don't want. Obviously, I don't want to have to battle with the midwife over these types of things. It will just increase any negative energy. Right now, I feel happy with my plan for UP/UC. I may have one or two office visits at some point if it is required to get the proof of pregnancy, but that's it. Maybe if I go to a regular office for that type of thing, it will give me a name to give people so I'm not harassed regarding my birth choices.

[mmgarda]

Binah - curiosity

Just wondering, you start all your posts with bs"d. What does that mean?

How are you doing? No more bleeding? Feeling ok?

Also, I was curious to know where you are. You mentioned that you recently relocated and that you are having a hard time finding care. I was just wondering where you are in the world?

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

Bs"d is an acronym for an Aramaic phrase that means, "with the help of heaven." It is a reminder that everything I do, even posting at MDC, I do only with G-d's help.

Thank for thinking about me. I'm feeling better. I am no longer bleeding and no "brown bits" either! B"H! (Thank G-d-- sorry to confuse you with all my religious acronyms, lol) I heard there is a sale at a maternity store near me (everything between $5-$22, so not bad), so I was thinking of going there go buy something. I though it might be a way for me to show my confidence that this pregnancy is a "good" one.

I'm in Australia. I'm sure it's fairly easy to find care here, especially if you really want it. I just moved here 3 months ago and am still getting my permanent residency in order. I just applied 2 days ago. Until they process my application, I don't think I qualify for Medicare (the government medical plan that everyone gets here). I was reading some things about it, and I might not need a visa or residency to get it, but just need to be able to prove I am living here long term. I'm not sure though. I did read somewhere on my residency application that I have to pay back any benefits I receive while I am in temporary residency (actually I am only on a "Bridging Visa" which gives me the same status as a tourist). When I try to get clarification on these things, the people at the immigration department always just tell me that they don't know either and to "ask them" (the Medicare people?). Anyway, whatever, it is just a big pain in the butt for something I don't need very much. I will go to the Medicare office at some point in the near future to register my dd, since she is already a citizen through dh. Hopefully, that will not be an issue. I will ask about me then.

[mmgarda]

Good news

Binah - glad to hear you're doing better.

Can't believe you're tackling a residency application and the bureaucracy of social aid in another country. Very cool and very organized of you. We were on Medical for a while here (in California), but literally were destroyed by the bureacracy. It became so difficult to navigate that we just stopped submitting any requests for aid. It was almost a full time job to manage so I just gave up. Ugh.

[Max's Mami]

Binah I am so glad you are doing better! Bleeding is so scary I am glad it is over for you.

Is your husband Australian? Do you guys travel so much for his work? Hope I am not being to nosey - if so you can just tell me to butt out!

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

One good thing is that this is socialized medical care that *every* Australian gets. No income requirements, etc. It is something I am very happy with here, even though I haven't actually tried out the system, yet. In the US, dh and I would both be employed, but neither of us got insurance. I worked part-time after my dd was a year old, and obviously got no benefits working part-time. Dh is a graphic designer and her always gets contracting jobs, without benefits, of course. Usually, we qualified for state Medicare, but sometimes we made just a little too much to qualify. So annoying. At our income level, there was no way we could afford private insurance. It's ludicrous-- 2 college-educated parents, both working, but cannot get medical insurance.

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

My dh has dual citizenship (Australian/Israeli).

We have been moving a lot, but only recently. We moved to Japan for a job my dh got, but it was *wack* (the job, not the country, lol) so we left. We used to live in NYC (which I love), but dh hated it there. We had made plans before going to Japan to go to Australia afterwards, but we had planned to be in Japan for at least 2 years or so. Dh lived in Australia from ages 7-14, and he remembered liking it here. So here we are. I am glad dh doesn't complain anymore about where we are living. We have accepted a lot of help from my dh's parents and are living in a house they own, which makes me uncomfortable. I suppose it cannot be helped, though, since all the moving (which dh's job did not pay for) took up all our $$$. I am just really independent, and I hate asking for help and being dependent. At least I have family that can help, right? Hopefully we won't be moving to any new countries anytime soon.

[mmgarda]

I hear ya!

After I finished grad school and we had no more loans coming in, DH lost his contract and I lost my part time job. For two months we had no work whatsoever. We went through the whole nightmare of applying for everything and they treated us like criminals and abusers, even though we were doing everything we could to find work.

I finally lost it at one worker who was SO rude to me. Just yelled, "What do you think? I'm not a crack whore with 7 children just living off the system! I have paid into this for more than a decade and now that we've fallen on hard times we are G*d-dam*ed ENTITLED to a little help! On top of that, i think we deserve some compassion for the difficulty of our situation here!" You know what? The a$$hole hung up on me. That's about when I gave up on the whole thing. Blech. I wish we DID live somewhere that public health and welfare was a requirement, not a burden on the system. Grr.

[Max's Mami]

Sometimes you have to let your family help - my parents helped us out a LOT for Maxi's first year so I could stay home with him. I worked part time at a job where I could take him with me but it was actually LESS than part time.

I didnt like having to ask my parents for help but they were more than happy to do it and I am so thankful I could spend the first year of his life with him 24/7. Unfortunatley this time I wont have that option. I have to work or we dont have health care and I just cant deal with that. DH only gets health care from April to Oct. - its free for him but really expensive to add me and Maxi. So I will only get 4 months off before going back full time.