My 1st grader is being sexually harassed by peers..HELP!!!

[Summertime Mommy]

My dd is in 1st grade and is constantly being harassed by the boys in school or on the bus. I am looking into pulling her out of school completely and HSing at the moment because of the way these situations have been handled, or more appropriately not handled. Afew weeks ago she kept having problems on the us, boys were holding her and kissing her and not letting her get away..her bus drivers solution? Dont sit near them. That really pissed me off, but Caylynn didn't mention it again, and we weren't in a situation to bring her to school ourselves. Today she tells me that boys are harassing her on the bus again, and even more disturbing, she told me that today at PE a boy kept putting his hand down her pants. She didn't tell her teacher, but my question is how was it even able to happen? Aren't they watching these kids. Caylynn and I have talked about inappropriate touching before, and we went over it again today, but this is nuts. Where are the adults that are supposed to be keeping my daughter safe? I am planning on writing a letter to the school and most likely having dh call (we dont have a home phone, so I can't) also taking her off the bus, but what else can I do? Please help. Thanks.

[philomom]

If the principal is unwilling to help you, I would drive her to school for a while. Sometimes these things blow over.
Martial arts classes might help your daughter learn some backbone. I'm not saying it's her fault, but sometimes girls don't get that they are allowed to be forceful in certain situations.
As a last resort call all the parents of the kids involved. If absolutely necessary, call the police. They can at least come to the school and give everyone a good talking to.

Many hugs to you.

[Ms. Frizzle]

oh my how horrible
If it wasme, I would take her off the bus, and drive her school myself. I woudl also go right into the office and talk face to face with the principal. Somethinng like this is very serious and I dont think a note is good enough.
If you go in and tell them that there is a urgent matter you need to see the principal about, then you should be seen right away.


BTW, It's wonderful that your DD told you about these things. So many kids are still afraid to talk to us about about it when this stuff happens. She trusts you very much

[Summertime Mommy]

I am definately taking her off the bus. It will be a struggle for us to get her to and from school, but she actually asked me to bring her to school, so I am not going to force her to ride it. I think I am going to have dh go up there. I don't know why I didn't think of that on my own, instead of just thinking to call. I am at such a loss as to what to do. This isn't something I expected to have to deal with in the first grade, middle school maybe, but not first grade.

[atomicmama]

I am disgusted, but not surprised.
A similar situation happened with my sil's kids. She took them out immediately and is now home schooling.
If hs'ing will work for you, more power to you!
I am thankful that we will not have to go the bus route. The elementary is two blocks from our house. But, I'm uneasy about the possibilty of stuff happening at school.

Best wishes to you and your dd.

[lauren]

Other than transporting her, I would absolutely write a letter to the principal and the school board. There is often an attitude of 'boys will be boys' which is completely unacceptable. Also, depending on the age of the boys on the bus it may also necessitate a report to child protection. Many children are 'sexually reactive' too early because of their own experiences being sexualy abused. In our state if the child is 3 years older or more, it is sexual offending behavior. Check the statutes in your state. If they are same age boys this would not apply.

[jannan]

i am really sorry this is happening. i can only tell you what i would do and i would call the cops and get a lawyer and threaten to sue the school for not keeping your daughter safe.that will scare the pants off of them. no pun intended

[paquerette]

This is a criminal matter, pure and simple. The police need to be involved in this. If school employees are made aware of the situation and don't call the police, they are also breaking the law. If one of their employees, or a parent, or any other adult were molesting a child, and they knew about it, would they hesitate to call the police then? Yet they see nothing with sweeping under the rug a molestation by another child.

[BusyMommy]

Wow. YOu're helping the school by taking a firm stand w/this. They sure don't want things of this nature to escalate. I'd immediately write a letter to the principal and school board. I wouldn't threaten to go to the police, but I'd make sure they know you'll pursue this need be. I guess my question, though, is have you talked to her teachers yet or just the bus driver? If not, call an immediate meeting w/her teacher and principal to discusss your concerns. If you have already spoken and nothing has changed, write the letters!

That is just wrong. No question at all.

[shelbean91]

Absolutely go above the principal to the superintendent and school board. If they don't do anything, you will be able to press charges against all of the boys doing the harrassment and the adults who are doing nothing to stop it.

Telling her to not sit by them isn't good enough. She should not have had to deal with this one time, much less the many, many times she's gone through it.

If you can't call, go to the school, talk to them in person, TODAY. LEt them know this is unacceptable and it WILL stop, with or without their help. Do not allow them to victimize your dd more than she already has been.

If it does get to the point of a lawsuit, as long as you have it documented that you've talked to at least someone above the principal, you could be eligible for monetary compensation for damages. I'm sure it won't get to that point, but you MUST go above him/her.

[Greaseball]

I would also threaten to sue. It's good that you are taking her off the bus (my kids will never ride a school bus because of things like this being so common) but those boys shouldn't get away with it. You could sue the parents and the bus driver.

Maybe the school district, as well. Does the school have a policy on child-on-child sexual harrassment? I bet they don't. If you read Gavin de Becker, he says parents should ask what sort of policy there is, or why there is no policy. He also has a horrible story about what can happen when schools turn a blind eye.

[ChristaN]

Summertime Mommy, I wasn't clear from what you have written as to whether anybody at the school is even aware that this is happening as of yet. You mention having spoken w/ the bus driver (and his response was totally inappropriate - he should be reported to his supervisor!), but you didn't say whether you or your child have told any teachers or administrators at the school itself. It is quite likely that the bus driver never said anything about it to anyone else.

I would go in & speak to the principal as soon as possible & perhaps contact the district to request a written copy of their policy on sexual harrassment in their schools. It would be good to bring a copy of that policy to the meeting with the principal. If you go in, policy in hand, & say what has happened to your dd, that you are aware of the district's policy on sexual harrassment & that you expect him/her to do ______ (whatever it is that you would like to see happen), the principal will at least be clear on what it is that you want to see done.

If it were my six year old, it would take a lot of self control to avoid slugging the kid who was doing that to her!

[Oh the Irony]

I had a situation where our privacy rights were violated. My BIL, an attorney, advised us to talk to an education lawyer before speaking to the principal. He was saying that if you talk to the people in charge before getting legal advice, it can come back to "bite" you. Of course, he's a lawyer, but I will throw that into the mix.

What do you want? For it to stop happening? Something else? Identify that before you go in. Sounds like some adults need some lessons in what sexual harrassment is and how to deal with it.

This is totally unacceptable as you know. My suggestion--don't threaten to sue--lots of people do that. Find out the policies of the school. Maybe inquire before you explainthe situation. Then lay out what has happened. Document, document. Then if it happens again don't threaten to sue--just sue.

[andi_3k]

FIrst let me say I am so sorry your DD had to endure this, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
As far as the bus driver goes, I wish it were different but depending on what the laws are in your state the Bus Driver may not have had any recourse for your daughter. I trained to be a driver, and here in NYS the rights of the drivers are strictly and IMHO dangerously limited.
THEy can not tell a child that they have to sit in a certain seat, wear seat belts or even restrain a child from hitting another child or the driver himself....he can only ask the principal to look into it and must abide by the prinicpal's descion on how to react or even if they will react. If The driver feels strongly enough he may ask for a video camera to be put in the bus ( hidden, of course) but even that does not guaranty the offenders will be dealt with...it's all up to the school .

I think I would have asked your DD to sit in the first seat on the opposite side of the bus from me..because I could see her in the rear view mirror there and kept an eye on who was doing what to her and then dealt with it through the school .
Principals and teachers are mandated reporters and if this is going on they must report it....talk to lawyer and see what right you have and also contact teh state adept of Education...the school failed in it's responsibilties miserably.

[Nickarolaberry]

All I can say is do something, quickly. Please. Right now. If the school isn't responding properly, pull her out. Show her it's not okay to be treated like this and that she will be safe no matter what you have to do to make sure.

This happened to me. In 8th grade two boys pushed me into a corner before the teacher came in during homeroom and molested me. They told me if I told anyone I'd be "sent away to a home for bad girls." I believed them, and at that time there simply was no education or vocabulary about this to protect girls or let them know there was a safe place.

Those boys, especially one of them, continued to verbally harrass and bully me until the very day I graduated high school. They made my life hell, they destroyed my self esteem, and it was a very long time until I could actually believe I would ever be worthy of a man's love and affection.

I never told anyone, not until after I had graduated from college and the consequences were still reverberating in my life.

Fast forward. I'm married (8 1/2 years) and been with my husband my entire adult life (since our senior year in college...we just celebrated 14 years of being together). We are now religious, and our girls are in a private religious all-girls' school. If we (G-d willing) have more children, they will also go to private religious single sex schools. Is this a direct result of my experience? Not really, but I do have the choice of a religious co-ed school and I never considered it. For me it's not a choice, and that is probably a direct result. I never, ever, ever,ever want my girls (or boys if I ever have them) to be victimized like this.

Is it a guarantee? Nope, of course not. We do what we can and pray for the best.

Please, this is so important. Thank G-d you know about it. Don't blow it off, don't let her blow it off, treat it with seriousness so she knows it's not okay for her privacy to be invaded like that or her concerns treated cavalierly. The school would like it all go away. You can't let it.

Please. I realize I sound like a nut but I've walked miles in these shoes, and they give terrible, terrible blisters.

[Mizelenius]

I'm a teacher (well, SAHM now) . . .I am just appalled.

As far as the bus driver goes, they have SOOOOOOO little control (for better or worse-- usually worse) over the children. In the "old days" (when I went to school) an assistant rode the bus WITH the driver to keep an eye on things. Honestly, it's pretty hard to drive a bus and control kids. It doesn't make it right and it's one of the things I am terrified of (putting my DD on the bus for school).

You mentioned that this is also happening at school. OMG. Was it once? Is it often? Only in PE or in the classroom, too? You have gotten some great advice about making this into a big deal because it IS a big deal. There is no way that your DD or any child should have to endure this.

Please keep us updated!

[Summertime Mommy]

Well I spoke to the school today when I picked dd up and dd gave them all the info about the boy in PE. We also brought up the bus again. Tomorrow we should have more info as to what action is going to be taken. Right now, I am working on getting dh to agree to let me hs. My poor dd did not want to go to school today because of all this, and I really don't trust the school to resolve things adequately. I also refuse to force my child to attend school and have her worry the entire time. I was singled out by a group of girls in middle school that made my life hell until I finally talked my mother into letting me change schools after 3yrs of hell. I know its not the same situation, but I always promised myself I wouldn't put my kids through that. I guess we will see what happens tomorrow and if Caylynn is still not comfortable or if things aren't resolved appropriately, I am just pulling her from the school. I don't want to leave her there for it to just happen later on.

[mattemma04]

Hugs for you and your little girl! I am so sorry to read what is happening to her. I hope the boys who harassed her get pulled out of class by the police and get a stern lashing(verbally ofcourse, though if I were in your place I would want otherwise!).They should experience the fear and humiliation that your dd did, and know that continued behavior like this will result is time in juvie hall.

For homeschool check your state laws.Typically you need to submit a letter of intent to homeschool with your local sup. and they respond within 14 days.
Atleast keep her home for a few days on sick leave if your dd needs it.
Hugs!

[meowee]

Originally Posted by Summertime Mommy

Caylynn is still not comfortable or if things aren't resolved appropriately, I am just pulling her from the school. I don't want to leave her there for it to just happen later on.

If the school does not come down on that kid/ those kids like a ton of bricks, please do pull her out of that school. I was also bullied in school (by girls), and sexually harrassed (by boys). I endured it for three years also.

s

[Kari_mom]

Just to your daughter, this sucks, and to you that you have had to deal with this when you should just be enjoying your new baby. Congratulations!