Am I handling this properly???

[Holland73]

Ds is almost 17 months. For the past 2-3 weeks, he has been the "king of tantrums"!

The catalyst for these tantrums (I am not sure if this is what I even want to call them) is me not wanting to walk up and down the stairs with him 150 times, me not wanting to stand in front of the light switch for 30 minutes so he can turn the light off and on, etc., etc.

So, this is what happens: I say, "OK, we will climb the stairs 1 more time (after 5-6 times)." After the final time, we start to walk into the living room, he archs his back so far that I almost drop him and starts to wail. I have to put him down and he throws himself on the floor and screams for about another 3-5 minutes. I sit next to him, commisserate with his anger/sadness, and just wait it out.

He does this about 2-3 times an hour!!!! His new thing is to grab my hand to to try to pull me towards the stairs or whatever else he wants. I love that he is trying to communicate with me in the best possible way he knows, but it always results in the same way...screaming, throwing himself around, etc, etc.

Am I missing something? It has been awhile since I have been around toddlers, so is this toddler behavior? Am I dealing with it OK? Any thoughts, suggestions???

[merrick]

I think this is normal toddler behavior. My ds does the same thing. I think you are handling it great and he should grow out of it eventually. I always give a warning before the activity needs to end, then when he gets upset, I commiserate with him (just like you) with a hug and let him know I know he is upset, but that we just can't do xxx anymore. Have you tried letting him say goodbye to the stairs or the lightswitch? Sounds kooky, but sometimes it works. Then I'll offer another activity, which is usually refused.If he continues to tantrum after we have talked and hugged, then I just leave him alone until he gets it out of his system.
Tantrums like this can be really frustrating-I know, ds had about 50 of them today! But they will pass. At least we hope so! :LOL

[Liz]

Originally Posted by merrick

I commiserate with him (just like you) with a hug and let him know I know he is upset, but that we just can't do xxx anymore.

In "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" they have really good suggestions for these type of situations, not really for kids this young but you might want to read ahead. They emphasize to NOT add the "but". The "but" takes it away from them all over again. Explain briefly why they can not do whatever it is once. Then just state what it is they want to do, "You really want to climb those stairs." "It's fun to climb stairs." "I wish we could climb stairs all day." Sit back and let him cry some, then maybe offer another activity.

I found my son at this age sometimes wanted to have a good cry. It was like he was looking for something to lose it over and when I scrambled around trying to make everything right, he got so frustrated. Eventually I'd get it and stop and just sit down and say, "Do you want to cry?" and he'd nod yes and climb into my lap and cry. I'm so programmed to think that crying is to be avoided at all costs but crying can be a great release for them.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Liz

I'm so programmed to think that crying is to be avoided at all costs but crying can be a great release for them.

It is funny because I have been reading Aletha Solther's "Helping young children flourish" and she also discusses how crying can be a great release...it is a means of healing any hurts they have experienced. It is a fabulous book and been a real eye-opener for me personally.

But, sometimes it is just so hard. Ds just seems so young and was so mellow, relaxed and laid-back that I cannot believe that he can make such a rukus. Therefore, I wanted to make sure that I am handling the situation OK.

Thanks, Ladies!