SAHMs, do you want your daughter(s) to SAHM?

[meowee]

This is a spin off of the "sacrifice and our daughters" thread. I wanted to survey the SAHMs and ask, "Do you hope your daughter SAH when she has children? Yes or no?"

I SAH, and I feel so strongly about SAH.

However, when I look at my daughters, I feel a painful ambivalence. The thought of their being financially dependant on a man unnerves me.

I also wonder if there will even be many men in the future who would encourage/ accept their wives to SAH. It's been my anecdotal experience that men tend to expect behavior from their wives based on what their mothers did. So if a man's mother worked when he was young, he'll see that as the norm, and expect it of his wife. I found this to be the case when I was dating, anyway, and the subject of W or SAH would come up.

So as more and more mothers work, what kind of men will be left who want a SAH wife? The control freaks? The religious extremists?

My DDs are already saying things like, "When I'm big, I'll have a husband and babies just like you."

This is such a huge, complex issue. What are your thoughts?

[Hey Mama!]

My mil did work outside the home but my dh wanted me to stay home with our children until they go to school. We had talked about this long before we had children. I agreed so it' not like he forced me to stay home. Honestly, I would like it if my girls stayed at home with their children. My mom sah with my brother and I but could not sah when my youngest brother was young and she really regrets it. I don't think I'm sacrificing myself or career, because I am not just not driven like that. My "career field" is preschool/gradeschool anyway. It just doesn't make sense to pay someone to watch my kids while I'm working with other people's kids. That is where all my work experience is, and my almost finished degree. I have my whole life to work and go to school, but my children are only young for such a short time.

[Amiahuman]

I don't have any daughters (yet), but I believe I'll encourage them to SAH if I'm ever blessed with the opportunity (ie: have daughters who want children). And hopefully the women of the future who want to SAH will marry one of my sons. Unless of course my sons want to marry men and/or SAH themselves.

[Ann-Marita]

I want my dd to be happy. If she chooses to stay home, great! If she chooses not to stay home, that is fine. I feel strongly that one parent needs to stay home with the baby until it gets to be about school age, and I will encourage that. But it doesn't have to be the mother, and it doesn't have to be forever.

That being said, if dd chooses to stay home and then to homeschool (like we have chosen), I'll be thrilled.

[meowee]

Ann Marita, I'd also love it if my DC homeschool their children!

It's funny, one of my DDs has already been asking me what kind of man she should marry. The first thing on the tip of my tongue is "Someone who was homeschooled." :LOL

Maybe as more and more kids are homeschooled, as they get older, there will be homeschooled matchmaking services.

[Arduinna]

I don't have a preference. It's her life, I just want her to make the right decision for her family.

[Mamm2]

Originally Posted by Ann-Marita

I want my dd to be happy. If she chooses to stay home, great! If she chooses not to stay home, that is fine. I feel strongly that one parent needs to stay home with the baby until it gets to be about school age, and I will encourage that. But it doesn't have to be the mother, and it doesn't have to be forever.

That being said, if dd chooses to stay home and then to homeschool (like we have chosen), I'll be thrilled.

Ditto

[GuavaLava]

Originally Posted by meowee

This is such a huge, complex issue. What are your thoughts?

I agree, it is a complex issue. I don't want to be simple about it and say, I want her to do what is in her heart, but that's what it comes down to for me.

I would like to think she'll stay home with her babies, should she have children. To me, it makes little sense to do otherwise. If I weren't financially able to stay home with my child/ren I wouldn't have had them. I don't try to guess what is best for others though. :

I think I am so on the fence about it because I honestly can't remember if my mother was home with me or not. I could ask, but who knows if she'd be honest. :

I know I spent a LOT of time with my grandparents in my formative years, even living with them on and off. I know I am the person I am today thanks to them.

I guess my answer is yes, I would want her to be a sahm, but if she chose not to, I would want to be the one the children stayed with. HA! :LOL

[treemom2]

nak

Tough question. In college if anyone told me I would be a sahm--I never would have believed them. Now I cannot imagine a mom, that makes a "mom committment" not being a SAHM. In fact I've become a little judgemental of parents who put their children in daycare--crazy how we change when we have little ones. That being said, I don't know what my reaction would be in DD said she was going to be a WOHM. I guess I would encourage her to at least have one parent home at all times or I guess I would volunteer to care for her children. Gosh, I just don't know about this one. Something to ponder.

[momto l&a]

this is of course my thoughts...

but for me it is vital for me to be sah, i hope that me dd's will see through the way they are raised with me always being avaible to them ect that they to will be sah's for

I also hope they will hs

[jraohc]

Well, I'm a WOHM who wants to be a SAHM, so maybe this isn't the opinion you're looking for. I hope that my dd (who is only 6 months old now) will have the opportunity to do whatever makes her happy. If she wants to be a sahm, then I hope she and her family have the financial resources to do so. If she wants to be a wohm, then I hope she has a job that she enjoys. I would really like to see the country go towards mom or one parent staying home with baby for the first year or at least 6 months, but I am not holding my breath.

[scrapadoozer]

I do want my dd to be a SAHM and homeschool as I believe these things to be ideal. JMO. If she decides she wants to take another path, I will support her in that. I guess when it comes right down to it, I mainly want her to be HER...ykwim?

[mamawanabe]

ambivalent sahm here

Well of course, whoever and whatever she desires, I will support her.

But I hope that work structures and the division of labor in parenting have changed by that time so that she and her partner can both have the option to be engaged in carreers and parenting at the same time. It isn't an option now for most women (or men) because of how professional careers are structured, and the false "choice" between career and mother is tearing me apart.

There were a lot of ideas in the former thread about how work structures could change to allow mothers (and fathers) to have a career AND be fully engaged in parenting.

[Magella]

I want my daughters, and my son, to do what they believe in their hearts is the right thing for their kids and for themselves.

I will encourage them to arrange to have a parent, of either gender, at home most of the time for their children at least in the first few years because I believe that is important. There are many ways to do that (though admittedly, not all of these are ideal for all people). But ultimately my children will make their own choices and I will support them in those choices.

[Greaseball]

I can't control what they do, but I plan to teach them that being a SAHM is the best for the baby, and that nothing can substitute for maternal care. Also that paying someone to do the duties of a mother is not the same as mothering the children yourself, and that children will require a mother to make many sacrifices.

They can do with that information what they will.

[UnschoolnMa]

I want her to be there for her children and family in the best way she can be. What that will look like must be decided by her when the time comes. I also hope the very same thing for my son We talk about what they think their married and parenting lives will be like. At this point both plan to go to college early and work before becoming parents. They want to have their children in a freeschool environment or unschooling. They also talk about working at home. I feel really good about their thoughts on all of it, and I think the future looks pretty good for their future children.

[Ceili]

I want my children (male or female) to respect and appriciate tradition women's societal roles, whether they chose them for themselves is up to them. I do think that it's important for one parent to be at home when children are young. My parents both took that role at different points in my childhood.

[MamaAllNatural]

Yes, I do hope my daughter will be a SAHM, or work where she can bring the baby with her. I believe in constant mother/infant contact and on demand breastfeeding so to me staying with the baby is ideal. However, I will support her fully in whatever she decides is right for her family and whatever makes her happy and fulfilled.

I'm also : she'll have homebirths because I also think that's ideal. I think generally, unless we do not feel good about what we're doing, we hope the same things for our children because those are the things we have decided are best, kwim?

So, there are a lot ways I hope my children will be and a lot of things I hope they will do but, in the end, I will love and support them no matter what they decide to do.

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural

I think generally, unless we do not feel good about what we're doing, we hope the same things for our children because those are the things we have decided are best, kwim?

I feel good about what I am doing because it is best FOR my children. It isn't best for me (I love my work but there is not way to do it part-time in a serious way nor to return to it when my babies are older).

I want my daughter to have choices that are good for her entire family, including herself.

[Pynki]

I do not have any daughter as yet, but as a previous poster mentioned I think it's important for ONE parent at least to be home with their children.. If the father is more equipped emotionally to be that person fine.. If it's the mother.. Fine also..

My ds (6) says that he wants to be a SAHD.. I think that's great.. I tell him that's wonderful, but he might want to run it by his wife 1st..

Warm Squishy Feelings..

Dyan