I changed my mind, mama!

[*LoveBugMama*]

My son has a habbit of changing his mind. All the time, every day.

It is starting to drive me bonkers.

He asks me to let him watch a video. I put the chosen video in the player, and he watches for 1-2 minutes. Then he wants to watch another. And another. And another.

This happens with videos, music cd`s, boardgames, books, clothes he has chosen to wear e.t.c.

And the thing that really makes me crazy: FOOD.

He changes his mind at EVERY meal. He wants one thing for breakfast/snack/whatever. After taking ONE bite, he changes his mind and wants something else. Or he claims to be SOO FULL after that one bite that he doesn`t want any more.

I am left with sooo much food he has taken one bite of! And I am not giving him to much, so it`s not that it`s overwhelming, I think. I never give him a whole banana, just half. Never a whole sandwich, just half.

How do I respond to these things?

Do I refuse to put in another video?

Do I refuse to make him something else to eat?

Do I refuse to make him food again after 30 minutes, because he left the table after one bite and is hungry again?

Somebody please help me, cause I have tried everything I can think of to make him stop changing his mind all the time. And nothing is working.

TIA!

(I do not want to be mad at him, I do not want to force him. But I don`t want to throw away food al the time either... I would love some gentle and positive ways to deal with this. )

[FireWithin]

I don't have a DS that is at the stage, but i have a couple fo ideas.

Can you make a "change your mind once" rule?
He can change his mind about the video once.

How about for the food, make sure that some of the food you offer can safely sit on the table for a couple of hours. That way if DC gets hungry, he can walk over on his own and snack a bit.

[*LoveBugMama*]

The "one time rule" is a great idea!

I will have to try that one tomorrow.

Thank you!

(The food idea is a good idea, too. But I have tried and failed, unfortunately... He might take a new bite 30 minutes later, but will most likely change his mind AGAIN.)

[Arwyn]

What worked when I was a kid, and what works for the kids I've taken care of:

If they say they don't want it (the food, the video, whatever), say "Ok."

If they say they want something else instead: "I'm sorry, but this is what we're having/watching/doing. You don't have to, if you don't want to." If it's food "It will still be here later, or we're having lunch/dinner/breakfast in a few hours and you can have something else then."

THE important thing, the part that keeps it gentle and loving, is to not put pressure on the child. If they don't want to eat the food you just prepared for them, that's ok. (It may not feel like it, but that's what you need to project) If they don't want to watch that video, say ok and turn the tv off. Offer them a different activity, or offer to turn THAT video back on. Sympathize that they don't always get what they want when they through a tantrum. Feel for them. But set your boundary ("I only make one lunch" "I only put in one video"), and then gently but firmly KEEP IT.

Of course, if the child REALLY doesn't like the food, or the activity, it's important to respect them and their feelings, and in a trusting relationship you should act on the information you receive, but the truth is, from what you've said, YOU CAN'T TRUST YOUR SON to keep his mind made up. So you need to create that relationship of trust first, by teaching the child that you trust him to want what he says he wants (by only going along with the first thing he says), and that you will provide it when reasonable, along with the necessities (you'll continue to offer him food at set intervals), until eventually you /will/ be able to trust each other, truly.

Be consistant, be loving, be relaxed!

[Dar]

Hmmm... I think at 3, Rain was doing a lot of that stuff for herself. How about, if he asks for a video, showng him how the VCR works and where the videos are are letting him be in charge of it? It might take a little while for him to learn, but in the long run it'll be easier for you.

The same could work for food. I used to keep a shelf just for Rain, with small amounts of various things. There was a little tupperware tub of peanut butter, some crackers, a bag of cereal, a small apple.. stuff like that. She also had a place in the refrigerator with a water bottle and a pitcher of milk, and maybe some veggies and dip. She could make herself a lot of different things, and the amounts were small enough that it wasn't much of a waste.

For a while, too, when I made her a meal I gave her really little bits to start with. Sandwiches were quarters, for example.

Dar

[*LoveBugMama*]

Thank you for great suggestions!

Dar: He already knows very well how the vcr works, but he just prefers met to do it. But I can absolutely encourage him more to do it himself, and maybe that will help solve things.

I will try making a shelf just for Noah, and see if that helps with the food"problem".

Thank you!