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Cesarean Birth Support Thread -- December 2004 - Page 3

post #41 of 98
I hate my scar. I didn't mind so much the one I had for DS, but this time, they really did a number on me. I have never seen the whole thing but it's long (I just measured and it's 9.5 inches long); it starts at my belly button and goes far underneath my stomach. It looks all bunchy, bulgy and very uneven. They did retention sutures, so I have 8 huge marks, 4 on either side which are still an ugly purple after 4 months. I have a bulging hernia on top which makes it look like I have no belly button so all together, it just looks hideous.
post #42 of 98
I can't imagine losing breastfeeding after a traumatic birth experience. I think that I'd have been beyond heartbroken if I hadn't been able to nurse my son.
post #43 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bwylde
I hate my scar. I didn't mind so much the one I had for DS, but this time, they really did a number on me. I have never seen the whole thing but it's long (I just measured and it's 9.5 inches long); it starts at my belly button and goes far underneath my stomach. It looks all bunchy, bulgy and very uneven. They did retention sutures, so I have 8 huge marks, 4 on either side which are still an ugly purple after 4 months. I have a bulging hernia on top which makes it look like I have no belly button so all together, it just looks hideous.
Have you considered having all this repaired. My aunt just had surgery to repair a botched hysterectomy that had hernias throughout her scar *similar to yours*. The surgeon she used rid her of the hernia, and fixed the incisions site nicely.

May I ask, because I cant remember why you were cut the way you were?
post #44 of 98
DS was born at 8pm on a Monday night. My milk started to trickle in on Saturday and really came in on Sunday, so about 7 days. He didn't latch on until Sunday night despite having lots of help. He was jaundiced (blood type incompatibility) so that made him super lethargic, and I did end up supplementing in the hospital b/c he was dehydrated from being under the bili-lights. But I pumped before every supplemented feeding and only gave him an ounce of formula at a time -- just enough to keep him hydrated. I only know my milk was coming in on Saturday b/c I could see the colostrum start to change over. But had bfing not worked out -- I would have been so devastated. It was bad enough we had so many problems. But once he latched on (and I still had to pump before every feeding for about a week until he figured it out -- I was so swollen from all of the fluid that my nipples were effectively flat -- I needed the pump to pull them out so he had something to grab on to), there was no turning back. I think he had maybe one ounce of formula after that b/c he couldn't/wouldn't latch and it was 3am and I couldn't get the pump going right.
post #45 of 98
I can relate to many of these stories.

I went through my preg. with no problems, I thought my belly was quite large for my frame.

After hitting 37 weeks I felt like I was in the home stretch and could get excited about the homebirth I planned.

At 41 weeks + this same time last year I found out ds was double footling breech. If you read the statistics and do the math for that position, cord prolapse was too high of a chance. So I relented to the c/sec plan.

Then I had to wait all weekend. Pack up my homebirth supplies that were neatly set out in the pack n' play. *this was probably the most emotional moment I had

I feigned happiness the morning of the birth, the birth itself was happy, afterward had some bleeding troubles and ds was cared for by my closest friends in the nursery-while I waited a few hours to get fixed up.

So, in this last year, I was very happy about ds being born, very angry that I had to have a "stupid c/sec" as I call it, sad about my lost birth plan, frustrated with people who said using a mw was lame, and maintaining a love/hate relationship with my scar. It is small and very low, however numbish and also can be uncomfortable at times.

I work in a hosp and watch c/sec all the time while waiting to rescusitate sick infants. I hated almost every one. I think it made me face my feelings and work through them though so I used to be 10%happy/90% angry when thinking about it, now I am more like 95% happy/ 5% disapointed when I think about it. I hope before #2 is a thought that the 5% will get even smaller.

I encourage anyone still having all the feelings of anger, loss, disappointment to keep reflecting on the experience and try to find ways to work through it and help the memory be somewhat positive.

Side note: I had a little delay between the milk supply being adequate for ds desires so he got about 4 or 5 supplemented feedings the 2nd night. He had no trouble nursing since he had no distress and was pretty mature at 42weeks.
post #46 of 98
My milk came in sooner after my c/s than after my vaginal delivery, however the vaginal delivery was much more traumatic.

Does stress actually make your milk come in later? I've never even thought about that until just now. I suppose it would make sense, stress affects every other aspect of your physiology...
post #47 of 98
what makes the loss of breastfeeding so painful for me is the irony: my milk supply was really good and Willow was nursing really well at the time we had to wean (3.5 weeks). we were over the hardest parts. i still don't understand why i can't sleep without this one drug (klonopin) but it's been that way for 11 years now. it doesn't even make me sleepy, in fact when i wake up i feel wide awake. that's why they prescribed it originally, because i have CFIDS and fibromyalgia and it's commonly used for the sleep problems that go with those illnesses, it promotes restful sleep. but i honestly, honestly thought i could go off of it. i was down to 1 hour or no sleep at all. i was so messed up, i barely remember my baby's first 3 weeks and couldn't care for her i wonder if it was the trauma of having surgery that kept me from sleeping even a little? all i know is, i took the med, i slept just fine, i was able to take care of Willow just fine. but she was becoming sedated in the mornings and then agitated later in the day, signs she was getting enough of a dose to hurt her. so it was an easy decision to wean immediately: there's no way i want her to suffer even a minute!! but every day i still keep thinking, "maybe i can stop the med again and breastfeed" and my husband and a friend remind me how bad it was.

i was counting on breastfeeding to heal the emotional wounds of the c-birth. that beautiful peaceful time of bonding, for both of us. the whole experience of having a baby now feels artificial to me ... first there was numbing anesthesia and a sterile curtain between me and my baby, and now there are plastic bottles and silicone nipples between me and my baby. and it's all proof my body doesn't know how to do anything right! i can't even sleep normally. i don't trust my body at all.

i just keep hugging and kissing Willow all day long and even in the middle of the night when she's sound asleep. she hardly ever looks at me, although she'll gaze at her daddy's face very intently. i know she's not doing it on purpose, she's just a baby! but it's just one more barrier between her and i, and it hurts. i keep wondering what am i doing wrong that my own daughter won't look at me?! but when she does look at me for a few moments, i make silly noises and she smiles. and that beautiful smile makes everything worth it i am so in love with her!

i'm still having a lot of internal "tearing" pain, just below and to the right of my bellybutton. my OB said "it's normal" well they say that about everything! i'm 8 weeks PP and i still can't lift things heavier than the baby, or rest the baby on my belly. am i healing too slowly?
post #48 of 98
My milk came in 5 days after ds1 was born. I was kinda shocked because I leaked colostrum starting at about 25 weeks. I didn't even realize thats why he cried so much that first week. He was starving! I did no supplementing because I didn't know I needed to. Then once my milk was in I went

As for healing too slowly.... You are sore and ppl heal at different rates. You dn't have an infection or anything do you? Did you incision close all the way?
post #49 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
Have you considered having all this repaired. My aunt just had surgery to repair a botched hysterectomy that had hernias throughout her scar *similar to yours*. The surgeon she used rid her of the hernia, and fixed the incisions site nicely.

May I ask, because I cant remember why you were cut the way you were?
I probably will when I lose a lot of weight or am done having kids. They won't fix my hernia; I've asked several doctors and they said they usually just leave them be unless they become a problem (mine isn't; it's an umbilical hernia). They said I was healing well and it looked good but IMO, it looks like a train wreck. I assume I was cut "classically" as they were in a rush to get DS out. I remember asking as I fell asleep how they were going to cut but I didn't hear the response.

As for my milk, I honestly dont' know when it came in for DS, but it came in around 3 days PP with DD. They both took to the breast really well, although we had some latch issues with DS. They were both about 3 hours old when I was able to nurse either the first time.
post #50 of 98
Thread Starter 

OB Appointment

I wanted to give a quick update.

I had my second OB appointment today. It started out stressful.
As some of you know I opted not to take progesterone supplements with this pregnancy. I told her that if the powers that be meant for this pregnancy to last, than it was going to have to make it on its on without me taking supplemental prog. Well when I got there, I had lost 6.5lbs. This is good, because I am a big girl and I am eating right. My blood pressure was great.
Then I went into the "red" room and I asked what my prog. level was. She told me that is had been a 14. I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had started prog with Jack when it was 19. You need at least a ten to supposedly maintain a pregnancy but they like to see it much higher than this. I had this twinge of "did I make the right decision" about the prog. Then she couldnt find a heart beat. I am ten and a half weeks and we were able to get one at that stage when I was pg with Jack. I was freaked out. I was so flushed. I thought the worst. So she sent me down the hall to have a quick US.
I know that many here disagree with the frequent use of US, but I feel blessed to have this technology. I couldn't imagine having to wait another 4 weeks to "see". The US got our mystery guest right away getting a heart rate of 173bpm. Things measured right on target and I was able to see an alien head and a stick leg, plus the flickering heart beat.
post #51 of 98
phew Kim, that would make me nervous too!! I'm glad you got to see your guest and the s/he is doing good!

My c/b scar is really bothering me. I've got that really full feeling in my abdomen too. You know like you've eaten too much and you're full of air. I don't have gas or anything either. Weird.
post #52 of 98
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by its_our_family
phew Kim, that would make me nervous too!! I'm glad you got to see your guest and the s/he is doing good!

My c/b scar is really bothering me. I've got that really full feeling in my abdomen too. You know like you've eaten too much and you're full of air. I don't have gas or anything either. Weird.
You might have some intestinal issues going on. I have been having bouts of constipation and I have noticed that around my scar feels that way when this is going on.
The OB told me today she could feel lots of scar tissue up under my scar today. I can only feel it on one side but she can feel it all up underneath the scar. I guess I will be getting a nice little repair job while I am in there.
I really didnt get to talk to her about any csection issues like I wanted too. After hearing 14 for prog. most of what I wanted to discuss went right out the window. I have time and not worried at all.
I did talk to her about depression. She keeps telling me I am not super woman and that I can't be everything for everybody. She says she will work with me to help me out anyway she can. I feel a lot of relief knowing that.
Not wanting to give out too much info about my doc, but I know for a fact she knows what it feels like to have young children and be under pressure. I think she really sympathizes with me because she has been there.
post #53 of 98
Kim, I'm glad everything is ok. That first u/s is so fun (although now I question getting so many while pg, but live and learn). Used wisely, u/s is a great tool.

Anyway ... I've got a question. I often take my ds for hikes with him in a backpack frame carrier (he's almost 23 lbs.). I have noticed -- and it is only when he's in the carrier -- that when I do so, I get a lot of stretching, itching, sometimes pain, etc. right around my incision. It only happens while he's on my back, and stops as soon as I take him out. I'm thinking scar tissue and/or adhesions. Would that be correct? Any other ideas? And other than not taking him in the carrier, is there anything I can do to prevent it? And is this something that will need to be corrected in the future?

Thanks!
post #54 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
You might have some intestinal issues going on.
I did have the stomach flu this week.

Weird thing though. Last night dh and I were... well...right now we chart to avoid. Anyway, he knows af is due today or tomorrow. He said, I kne we were in a safe spot of your cycle especially after feelin your cervix. : He said it was really high, closed tight, and bent in half. It was facing my spine and then bent up a little farther. Is that a weird place for a cervix to be??
post #55 of 98
I completely gave up BFing DS. He was in the NICU (thanks to fluid in his lungs from the c/s) and I wasnt able to nurse him, so my milk didnt come in for 5 days. By then he really wasnt able to latch on since he had so many bottles and unfortunately the LC I went to was more concerned about increasing my supply with a pump than getting him properly latched on. She said we would deal with it later. Well I was confused and exhausted and traumatized and gave up the pumping.

With DD she nursed within an hour of birth, and I had her in my hospital room the whole time, and she nursed round the clock. My milk came in 36 hours after I gave birth to her.
post #56 of 98
ds2 was in the NICu for fluid too. Luckily though he was in just short of needing suplemented. I begged them to give me a time window. I was told they would bring me a pump and he could whatever I could get out but after that he was getting formula. I was able to nurse him for over an hour before they took him to the NICU. He seemed to develop the fluid symptoms after being with me for a bit. They hadn't been able to finish their "evaluation" after he was born because he was latching onto EVERYTHING that brushed by his face Maybe they would have caught it before hand and then he would have been without the boob for a lot longer. So, I guess I'm glad they didn't catch it ASAP but glad they found it after he had his chance to nurse.
post #57 of 98
Hello everyone
Hope you are all feeling well....

I am just having an emotional day today.. It is so odd.. I really thought I had worked through my feelings about my failed vbac.. but today I nearly started crying.. It was so strange. We had left playgroup and were on our way home. 2 of my friends there are nearing their Due dates.. and the image of me in labor popped into my head while I was driving.. I could see it so clearly and remember everything.. but in my head.. I was actually pushing her out.. and that made me cry.. Isn't that just way too odd..

oh well....
Chantal
post #58 of 98
Chantal- I know exactly how you feel. I have not posted here in awhile, but I was a failed vbac too. Right before I went into labor I was watching TLC-a baby story (I know not the coolest thing to admit here). Anyways, there was a women who was trying to do hypnobirth and ended up having problems similar to mine and well, after many hours went in for a c/b. I bawled. Every so often I still get teary.

Dh is having V-day soon. No more bio children for us. It is what I want, but it also means I will never ever get to try to birth my chidren as I had dreamed. My mw said that they would make me schedule my next c/b, which, if I wanted children I think I could accept.

All of you have been talking about what your scar means to you. I have appreciated what many of you had to write. Ds1 asks me about my scar b/c he understood I had surgery for ds2. Many times I resent my scar. I look at the flap that hangs over my pubic bone and I feel disgusted. I am reminded daily of how my body failed me. Yet, I am also trying to find peace about it. I know now that I would put my life on the line for my children. I understand that I did what any other mother would do...sacrifice her body so that her children can be saved. I don't want to sound like a person who has martyr syndrome or anything. I just know that I would do anything for my boys, and that I have done many things already...like go under the knife...b/c I felt that was the only way they could live.

Rynna-thanks for always reminding me that a vaginal birth could be just as traumatic, if not more in certain circumstances. I tend to sensationalize v/b's b/c it was what I always wanted and never had.
post #59 of 98
Hi, I have been a lurker on this thread for some time but I just had to jump in.

I had my second unplanned c/s just over 5 weeks ago. I don't have time to post the details of my births but suffice it to say that my recent experience was so so much better than my first...but I'm stiil trying to process my disappointment that I wasn't able to have a vaginal birth.

But the thing that made me chime in was the last two posters that used the phrase "failed VBAC." I myself have been trying not to use that phrase, since it's so demoralizing, I think. Sometimes I say "unsuccessful VBAC" for lack of a better phrase. I just think that the word "failed" implies that somehow you it's your FAULT that you didn't VBAC...something which is implied often enough in natural childbirth circles as it is. (i.e. if only I'd been at home instead of in a hospital, if only I'd really had faith in my body, etc, etc., then I would have had a vaginal birth).

I don't mean this as criticism and hope it doesn't come off that way...it's 5 a.m. and I'm up with my infant...I just find that the words we use really do matter. My dd's birth was a lot of things...joyous, disappointing, miraculous, heart-wrenching...but I will NOT describe it as a failure. I know it is a common phrase to use, but I hate it.
post #60 of 98
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinky
I just think that the word "failed" implies that somehow you it's your FAULT that you didn't VBAC...something which is implied often enough in natural childbirth circles as it is. (i.e. if only I'd been at home instead of in a hospital, if only I'd really had faith in my body, etc, etc., then I would have had a vaginal birth).

I don't mean this as criticism and hope it doesn't come off that way...it's 5 a.m. and I'm up with my infant...I just find that the words we use really do matter. My dd's birth was a lot of things...joyous, disappointing, miraculous, heart-wrenching...but I will NOT describe it as a failure. I know it is a common phrase to use, but I hate it.
Hi Pinky
I agree.. and I usually don't use the word "failed" because my second unplanned c sounds similar to yours.. joyous, disappointing, miraculous, heart-wrenching
I am just very sad these past few days.. we have had sad family news.. and I think that this, combined with holiday stress, hormones etc.. had just put me in this funk...
But you are right.. I didn't fail.. it was just bad luck.. and my body did work.. and I have a beautiful baby who is alive, thank God.. and I am alive and healthy to enjoy her.. I need to keep that in my head too...

Ok.. now I am just going to cry again... so I will stop now...

Chantal
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