Re:Hi, ladies, I hope you will not think that I am hijacking this thread--but I really need to get this off of my chest.
This is going to be a long story, so please bear with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING ME TO VENT THIS--I AM GOING INSANE.
My SIL (who is a totally nut job---and what I mean by that: she is mean-spirited, selfish, egocentric, and downright evil) just had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She had a hard time staying pregnant and she had a hard time getting pregnant.
In a way, and I have to be honest--this was a GOOD thing (and I have a lot of empathy for those who try and have a hard time getting pregnant). And this is why: she married my brother after knowing him for only 6 WEEKS, and he had a vasectomy (even though he was only 24 when he got it--he's a nutjob, too). He's got a teenage son.
He was engaged to this gal (my SIL's) boss, and then SIL turned her into the police for stealing money from her/their company. My bro dumped the boss and married my SIL with the same engagement ring. Kinda sick, huh?
Well, this is the third marriage for my bro and the second for SIL.
She fought with bro to get V reversed until he finally gave in and did, and then they worked for three years to get pregnant and stay pregnant.
But that time was a good thing, because they are BOTH in the mindset of instant gratification--they've been through seven NEW cars (trading the "old" one in about 2 to 6 months after purchase) in the last 18 months!
They live off of their credit cards, and would be living in a motor home if her granny hadn't died and left her her house...with NO mortgage. Well, that lasted a month--then they mortgaged it not once but twice to buy "toys" (big TVs, etc.) and cars, and jewerly, etc.
Anyway, my DH and I have been married for 15 years. I finally had my first baby at 37. That was just about the time bro married SIL. She was SO angry that I was having a baby (mind you, we waited for years before we got pregnant--I was working on my PhD and DH was in a good job, and we wanted to feel "settled" financially and emotionally, because I knew I was going to stay home). Granted, I have my own set of issues, but I try not to dump them on others--and SIL called me when she found out I was pregnant and SCREAMED obscene things at me over the phone. It was HORRIBLE.
It really ruined part of the pregnancy, because my bro would call my mom and tell her how much my SIL was "suffering" because I was pregnant (mind you, they had JUST GOTTEN MARRIED and my bro still had a V!!!)
And then my mom (who is insensitive--I've had my share of therapy thanks to her) would tell me to "downplay" my pregnancy.
Anyway, it was awful. Fast forward--my dd is born in 2002. It was a really miserable experience, emergency c-section, but I don't think it had to be.
Then, my son was born in 2003--a planned section, but still not what I wanted, but because I had cholestasis or ICP (that can cause stillborn babies after 38 weeks gestation), I knew I had no choice.
Anyway, fast forward to two weeks ago. My SIL finally has a baby. And every single time I see her ALL she talks about is HOW HAPPY SHE IS that she didn't have a c-section. "Oh I have so much energy, because I didn't have a c-section"..."It was so wonderful because I didn't have a c-section."
It's as if she HAS TO put that phrase "because I didn't have a c-section" at the end of every sentence to remind me that I didn't get it so good.
I really suffered after my dd was born. I wanted a natural birth and took Bradley classes and had a mid-wife instead of an OB (now I know better, she worked at a hospital, and I don't trust that combination at all--no offense to anyone). I almost died, literally almost bled to death in the hospital--and no one noticed until a nurse came into my room and slipped and fell in my blood on the hospital floor. I couldn't even hold my dd, I was so weak, my arms would shake days after her birth--and I couldn't even stand for weeks. It was terrible. My DH kept having to track people down to come and help us, to even change the pads underneath me, that were so covered in blood that I was shaking from being cold and wet.
It has taken me almost three years to finally start to get my life back in order--to finally start losing weight, to finally start taking care of myself, to finally start focusing on the positive, rather than the misery of the birth experience with my dd (again, the c-sec with my ds was not so bad, but not terrific). I feel disfigured and not feminine anymore--and somehow I feel like I lost a huge part of myself on that day. The day of my dd's birth was the worst day of my life--and it shouldn't have been that way.
I emailed my SIL and just made mention that I was really happy for her, but to try not to mention my c-secs because I felt uncomfortable talking about it.
NOT because I expect her to change, but because I have to stick up for myself or else I give my power away--and I don't like that feeling--I have been feeling powerless for three years--I can't take one more day of it, especially since I am now trying to make inroads to recovery.
And reliving it through her is pure misery.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.