I think this is the place for me! I will intro myself and keep it brief as I can so that I can come back and read everything later.
5 years ago I was pregnant with DD#1. Planned homebirth until I was 41 1/2 weeks. Had biophysical profile to make sure baby was o.k. to carry longer, found out she was breech. Lost plug that night at home and called midwife ASAP to let her know about the breech presentation. Went to hospital next day, met doctor, had ultrasounds to try to determine what kind of breech she was, they couldn't tell. (If she had been frank breech I would have requested a trial of labor because I know my mother gave birth to me this way). Midwife told me recent studies had shown that breech babies do better when delivered by c-section. I balled my eyes out and then we went home to tell DH's family and prepare for my hospital stay. 4:21 P.M. DD#1 arrived in the world frank breech via c-section. No big deal physically, (I am used to surgeries), but psychologically I suffered for several years, had trouble breastfeeding at first, had trouble bonding with this strange child that my brain did not recognize as mine, and most of all I had trouble (and still do) with the fact that I was not there when she met her family for the first time. The hospital stay was also horrendous, nurses were nasty, lactation consultant was incompetent, roomates were noisy and my DD still has a band of dots around her ankle where some nurse got fed up and put her hospital i.d. bracelet on too tight. She just turned 4 1/2 and has been weaned for only 6 months.
DD#2 (and last): Started TTC at 18 months, took another 18 TC. Brutal pregnancy. Planned for a VBAC possibly at home if my instincts told me I was safe there. Found out at 32 weeks that I had GD and had to be transfered to the care of an O.B. (Prick). Very first visit he told me I would have to deliver at 38 weeks or there would be no baby, no further explanation. He scheduled my c-section and sent me home. I was livid! Went home and researched everything I could about GD, went into battle. With several NST's, and a lot of flat out bitchiness, I convinced him to re-schedule for 39 weeks and to attempt an induction by breaking my water. Took herbs, raspberry leaf tea, caullophyllum, evening primrose oil, had midwife strip my membranes twice, walked, walked, walked, had sex every night. Cervix was favorable, 50 % effaced and malleable, but closed. Went in and had my water broke, meconium in the fluid. Labored for several hours and never dilated any farther than what the balloon catheter had done. Felt that my instincts were telling me it was time to give up and get my baby out before she went into distress. She was born at 12:23 A.M. and had some meconium in her throat, but not her lungs, just in time.
I have tried to talk to people about how much grief I felt that I would never know what it is like to give birth and I keep getting the same reply "a c-section is giving birth too" I can not bring myself to accept this. My body failed me twice. I have accepted the fact that I will never give birth to a baby though, reinforced by my husband's vasectomy in August. I have comforted myself this time by drawing the conclusion that my childhood car accident has caused a distortion in my pelvis that keeps my babies from coming out the way they should. I have reasons to believe that this is true and even if it is not, it is at least plausible and brings me comfort that I did not fail my babies.
Breastfeeding has also helped me regain some of what was lost, my efforts did not bring them into this world, but they sustained them and comforted them for 4 1/2 years so far.
One of the most powerful things I did this time around is to have a blanket for my baby to be wrapped in after birth that smelled like me from wearing it and sleeping with it so that she would recognize my scent after she had to be away from me and would bond with me instead of the hospital smells and nurses. I also fought to be allowed (snarl in disgust) to breastfeed my baby while I was in recovery twice. I began wearing her in a sling as soon as I was able to get out of bed and I slept with her in the hospital in my bed (much to the distress of many nurses). This story could just go on and on, so I will call it quits here. Thank you for listening.
I went to another site to try to talk about this and was brutally attacked for my opinions. I hope I am safer here.
5 years ago I was pregnant with DD#1. Planned homebirth until I was 41 1/2 weeks. Had biophysical profile to make sure baby was o.k. to carry longer, found out she was breech. Lost plug that night at home and called midwife ASAP to let her know about the breech presentation. Went to hospital next day, met doctor, had ultrasounds to try to determine what kind of breech she was, they couldn't tell. (If she had been frank breech I would have requested a trial of labor because I know my mother gave birth to me this way). Midwife told me recent studies had shown that breech babies do better when delivered by c-section. I balled my eyes out and then we went home to tell DH's family and prepare for my hospital stay. 4:21 P.M. DD#1 arrived in the world frank breech via c-section. No big deal physically, (I am used to surgeries), but psychologically I suffered for several years, had trouble breastfeeding at first, had trouble bonding with this strange child that my brain did not recognize as mine, and most of all I had trouble (and still do) with the fact that I was not there when she met her family for the first time. The hospital stay was also horrendous, nurses were nasty, lactation consultant was incompetent, roomates were noisy and my DD still has a band of dots around her ankle where some nurse got fed up and put her hospital i.d. bracelet on too tight. She just turned 4 1/2 and has been weaned for only 6 months.
DD#2 (and last): Started TTC at 18 months, took another 18 TC. Brutal pregnancy. Planned for a VBAC possibly at home if my instincts told me I was safe there. Found out at 32 weeks that I had GD and had to be transfered to the care of an O.B. (Prick). Very first visit he told me I would have to deliver at 38 weeks or there would be no baby, no further explanation. He scheduled my c-section and sent me home. I was livid! Went home and researched everything I could about GD, went into battle. With several NST's, and a lot of flat out bitchiness, I convinced him to re-schedule for 39 weeks and to attempt an induction by breaking my water. Took herbs, raspberry leaf tea, caullophyllum, evening primrose oil, had midwife strip my membranes twice, walked, walked, walked, had sex every night. Cervix was favorable, 50 % effaced and malleable, but closed. Went in and had my water broke, meconium in the fluid. Labored for several hours and never dilated any farther than what the balloon catheter had done. Felt that my instincts were telling me it was time to give up and get my baby out before she went into distress. She was born at 12:23 A.M. and had some meconium in her throat, but not her lungs, just in time.
I have tried to talk to people about how much grief I felt that I would never know what it is like to give birth and I keep getting the same reply "a c-section is giving birth too" I can not bring myself to accept this. My body failed me twice. I have accepted the fact that I will never give birth to a baby though, reinforced by my husband's vasectomy in August. I have comforted myself this time by drawing the conclusion that my childhood car accident has caused a distortion in my pelvis that keeps my babies from coming out the way they should. I have reasons to believe that this is true and even if it is not, it is at least plausible and brings me comfort that I did not fail my babies.
Breastfeeding has also helped me regain some of what was lost, my efforts did not bring them into this world, but they sustained them and comforted them for 4 1/2 years so far.
One of the most powerful things I did this time around is to have a blanket for my baby to be wrapped in after birth that smelled like me from wearing it and sleeping with it so that she would recognize my scent after she had to be away from me and would bond with me instead of the hospital smells and nurses. I also fought to be allowed (snarl in disgust) to breastfeed my baby while I was in recovery twice. I began wearing her in a sling as soon as I was able to get out of bed and I slept with her in the hospital in my bed (much to the distress of many nurses). This story could just go on and on, so I will call it quits here. Thank you for listening.
I went to another site to try to talk about this and was brutally attacked for my opinions. I hope I am safer here.
I have never dilated, water has never broken and my babies do not drop.
You will not be lashed out at for your opinions and feelings here. We are here to comfort and provide support, advice, a virtual shoulder to cry on, etc. All (or most of us) have had some of the same feelings you've had and we are all trying to heal physically and emotionally from our c/s.
. I know I have to go eventually, but ...
Also there is an increase in infection and other problems. Its actually safer to have a planned csection rather than an unplanned or wait until you go into labor csection. Going into labor first might be a good indication baby is ready, but may not necessarily be best over all when it comes to other things.
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