To Santa or not to Santa?

[bright eagle]

my son just turned 3, and my daughter will soon be 1. I haven't put much thought into santa until this year. I am not against the myth of santa, but i wonder how to have santa be a part of my kids childhoods where it still leaves room for them to choose to think for themselves. Where santa is not used as leverage to get a child to 'be good", but rather a fun use of tradition and imagination. any ideas?

[jmreinke]

Santa... a myth?!

I struggled with this too, but we are doing Santa. My dd#1 is enjoying the anticipation.

We don't use it as "if you are good, Santa comes." I really hate that. Santa is coming regardless of behavior, so we are working on her Christmas list. I think it is just going to be something fun for her. I'm actually quite excited to see her face on Christmas morning!

[mommyschiff]

Good question - I really hope this will get lots of responses because it is an issue we struggled with. We have 3 boys - 5, 2 & 3 months. It is next to impossible to completely shield a child from Santa (believe me we tried) - everywhere we go it seems people say "Are you ready for Santa?" And his image is everywhere. We are religious so we tell our children that Santa is how society remembers St Nicholas. St Nicholas is remembered for how kind he was to children, especially the poor. So my 5 year old knows there is not some fat guy at the north pole spying us waiting for misbehavior but St Nicholas is very real and he is in heaven. We should remember what he represents - kindness to others, giving and receiving with those you love. We lay out 2 unwrapped gifts for each child under the tree from Jesus in celebration of his birthday (since Jesus loves us so much he wants to share his birthday presents with them) and St Nicholas helps deliver them.


In my experience (and of course each child different) I didn't think my oldest really "got it" until last year when he was 4. The 2 yo just sees the red suit and says santa. He only thinks about the gifts. But next year will probably be different for him. We only have one santa image in our house and that is santa kneeling before Christ's manger. So if you are a religious person I think it is very easy to spin the santa thing away from fat guy in red suit and toward the religious images, themes etc. If you are not religious you can still focus on all the wonderful selfless people throughout the ages and the spirit of the season. It all just boils down to christmas being a time to rekindle kindness and giving.

But I would love to hear what other people do.
Kelly

[oldcrunchymom]

We don't do Santa. I think it's okay to tell kids the Santa story (and pretty much unavoidable in our culture) but I would be uncomfortable pretending it was truth.

[LovemyBoo]

We do Santa here, with a few modifications.

Santa comes regardless of whether or not you are "good". I don't think bribery is the message of the season.

Santa only puts toys in the stockings. I think this cuts back almost completely on the expectation of big gifts, and the confusion that some children get more toys than others. My kids know that all the toys under the tree, all the bigger toys, are from friends and family. We do the Giving Tree every year and my son knows that not everyone can afford lots of presents. The Santa myth doesn't interefere with that.

While I encourage the myth, we make cookies for Santa, make sure there's no fire in the fireplace that night, tell ds to listen for reindeer, etc, if he were to outright ask me if Santa was real I would tell him, no. That Santa is the spirit of Christmas and of giving to others and that we are all "Santa" to our loved ones and neighbors.

I believed in Santa growing up and I figured out on my own that he wasn't real. It didn't bother me at all. While I don't begrudge others for feeling Santa isn't for them, I can't imagine not having him at Christmas time.

[mamawanabe]

I've followed a lot of these threads and it seems that people's decision to Santa or not depends on their childhood expereince with Santa. I LOVED Santa, loved it all, and when I found out I had great fun playing along so my brother could believe. People who always thought it was made up or who had negative expereinces when they found out there wasn't a Santa are less likely to want to do it.

But basing our decision on our childhood expereince won't assure we make the right decision for our children's childhood.

So, like everything else, I think the answer depends on the kids. Are they "literal" types who like consistant and clear rules or do they thrive on ambiguity and like to blur the line between real amd make-believe (as a kid I SERIOUSLY believed in fairies until I was 10 or so)?

I hope I have kids who are the types to be into it cause I loved it so much as a kid (though not at all the reward for good behavior side of it - my parents never did that bit either). But if I have literal minded kids (who favor my dh), I hope to recognize this and present Santa just as fun make-believe.

[CarrieMF]

We do Santa, I could not fathom celebrating the season without it. We do not do the If you don't be good Santa won't come either. I know that is a lie(even if I did not buy stuff from Santa my mom would) but it does not work either.lol We use Santa as a way to celebrate the season and to get the kids excited about it. Dh is a very bad scrooge about the Season and I do not want my kids to be like that, to be griping and grumbling the whole time or if anyone mentions the word Xmas. The more excitement and wonder about the season(not just Santa) I can build in them now the more they will enjoy the season when they get older.

[dharmamama]

My husband and I had to negotiate this one (he was pro and I was anti) but we are doing Santa. Our kids get three gifts for Christmas: one from Momma, one from Daddy, and one from Santa. However, we talk about Santa as a story and not as a real guy.

Namaste!

[onlyzombiecat]

We are fine with Santa.
We don't do the "if you are not good Santa won't come"... however I'm thinking of invoking "Santa needs you to be asleep before he can come".
This is the first year I asked dd if she wanted to write a letter to Santa. We didn't mail it or anything. We will put out cookies and carrots or apples for Santa and his reindeer. Santa fills the stockings mainly here- maybe one present under the tree.
Dd is very imaginative and enjoys pretending.
My older brother and sister told me my parents were Santa when I was small. I wasn't upset. I still tried to catch "Santa" in the act but never could- pretty amazing since I would camp in front of the tree. It was just fun. Everyone happily went along with it even after everyone knew the "truth".

[bright eagle]

right on. thanks for the feedback guys. i like the idea of santa only filling the stocking. and i think its cool to hide any big presents til the big day, not to say they are from santa, but just to add to the suprise of christmas morning. and personifying the quality of generosity is a fun and endearing tradition that i would take pleasure in sharing with my kids.
thanks again, everyone

[wemoon]

We kinda do santa, but not really. I let them talk about it whatever way they want to and when they ask about the gifts I say that mom and dad buys them. I never pretend anything, I just let her have the imagination. I don't say anything about it unless she asks.