Do you let your children play outside........

[mamaofthreeboys]

Without being outside yourself?

Please don't flame me if you don't agree. Here's the story I have two sons ages 4 & 5 from a previous marriage. My DH, the kids and I recently moved and have a great back yard that is secluded with trees and really not easily accessible to any other neighbors.

Anyways often times I will send the boys outside together only. They are FULL of energy and need to run and do boy stuff. I can't be outside with them all the time b/c I have a 17 month old that still nurses and naps and such. But I do keep my window cracked and check the windows frequently. The kids have boundaries too that they know they may not cross!

So my question is how old should children be to play in the back yard without you being with them watching them like a hawk?

My EX keeps insisting that they are too young that when they're 9-10 yrs old that then it would be okay : I think that's too old and being overprotective. And he tells my oldest that if Mommy asks you to play DO NOT go outside without her being with you~Should his rules really apply at "Our" house? Now the front yard that's another story when we cross that road!

I hope I posted this in the right forum

Thanks so much!

[PikkuMyy]

I was allowed to play by myself in the back yard when I was that age. My mother checked on me through the windows, at least one of which was open, and nothing ever happened. As I got a little older, I would play with the other children who had backyards adjacent to mine - I grew up on a block of brownstones in NYC and the fences had been taken down between about 6 of our backyards, so we played in each and also at each other's houses. There was no way to leave like to go to the front of the houses without going through the houses where the parents were, so it was always safe.

I would do it with my future children.

[Linda KS]

I let my kids play in the back yard without me at that age. Heck, sometimes I told them they had to go out and play because they were driving me crazy

I'm sure part of this depends on the whole situation, the maturity of the kids, the neighborhood, etc., but I felt that my kids were fine in our yard.

[Throkmorton]

I let DS, who is almost 3, play outside on the patio while I am cleaning the kitchen. We have an 8' cinderblock wall on 3 sides, and the other fence is the small fence that separates us from the adjoining townhouse.
We all played outside at 5 years old, roaming aorund the neighborhood.

[alegna]

I think it depends a lot on the kids (what kind of things they usually do) and the environment (are there swings? a fort? do they climb trees?) I could see where it could be okay with some kids at those ages if you can be where you can hear all the time and see them often.

And no, I don't think Dad's rules should apply at your house.

-Angela

[BusyMommy]

Yep!
I let my 2 boys outside all the time in our fenced yard. I just leave the door open in the summer and now I'm happy to open/shut as often as they need. They get dressed in their snow boots and head out to shovel snow and play w/their trucks for LONG periods of time.

[sadean]

If I had a fenced/secure yard, I would send them out. My ds#1 is now allowed to go outside by himself and find neighbor kids to play with, and has been since he was about 7 yo. Ds#2 is not allowed to go outside without supervision of some sort. I did finally let him go to a specific neighbor's house with ds#1 but it was hard for me to consent too. I let them stay there for about a 1/2 hour, then I walked down to check on them. They were fine of course, and I would guess that ds#1 was happy I came down as it let him off of supervision duty.

I think for my situation that 4 and 5 is too young to play outside by themselves, if they are not in a confined (fenced) space. But I live in a 'hood in an urban area, have no good yard space to play in, and people drive too fast on our street. I wouldn't want to trust my kids to be "street smart" that young. It sounds like your situation is different and I might consider letting my kids out to play, as long I I could see them/keep an eye out on them and I could trust they wouldn't wander away.

[oldcrunchymom]

We live in the boonies and I did let the kids go out by themselves at that age. Our yard is small and secluded with at least thirty feet of woods on two sides and a chain link fence (separating us from a gas station) on the other. I think your boys should be fine.

[mamaofthreeboys]

Oh gosh wow thank you everyone for all the responses

Its good to hear I am not alone on feeling its okay to let my kids play in the backyard

I will bring this up to my EX that I am not alone in feeling its okay and safe to let the kids play in the back yard! I am not going to shelter them until they are 9 or 10 though come on lets be realistic on this one at least :LOL

[maya44]

No WAY.

[UnschoolnMa]

For us it had much to do with where we might be living at any given time, but on a general level at 5 I'd let them go out if I could see them pretty well. A few times we lived in places I did not feel safe enough to do that so I would go out with them. Now at age 11 and 13 they definately go outside without me lol.

[carolsly]

You know your kids the best mama. My 5yo watches out for the 2.5 yo. I do peek out the back all the time. We live in a very nice neighborhood in Alaska. We have it fenced in and the people behind us watch out for my kids as I watch out for hers. Everyone thinks we're nice people anyway..and would come over in a heartbeat if something was wrong.

My 5yo will come tell me if the 2.5 yo is doing something wrong..or the 5yo will drag the 2.5 in kicking and screaming saying "mommy, Lillian was eating the yellow snow." or something wonderful like that.

You know if your 5yo is responsible enough to watch his sibling. I know..I don't like many of the ideas of the Pearls..but they did make an observation that I liked. They said that if you ask one child to watch another, you need to give the watcher the power to "drag the 2.5 yo in kicking and screaming." if he/she is doing something you have asked the 5yo to watch for.

Your call Mama, but you sound like you know what you're talking about. Tell the ex that when he has the kids, he can parent the way he wants to and when you have them you will do what is in their best interest.

[Copper]

Dd will be 4 at the end of March. We live in a quiet neighborhood. Our yard is enclosed with a new 5 foot high chain link fence and a lock on the gate. I have an enclosed/screened in porch and a very large child-loving dog. Just this fall I allowed her to go out without me a bit, she would play on the porch (her sandbox is there) or out on her swingset or in her playhouse, however everything is viewable from my sliding glass door and I can see out all three sides of our porch (if she goes out to the garden, swingset or playhouse).
I am still checking on her all the time. It doesn't work for long though
because usually she wants me to push her, swing with her, make and play hopscotch and so on and so forth :LOL
Oh and the dog would definitely go berzerk if any "man" approached. Our poor mailman is spotted it seems for miles and the neighborhood dogs go nuts, I can track his progress throughout the neighborhood by listening to dogs barking.

[jenaniah]

Max is 4 and Haley is 2 and I let them play outside by themselves all the time. They stay in the back yard and have never gone beyond the boundaries that I laid out for them (our yard is only partially fenced) I do watch them out the window and keep the door open so I can hear them

[homemademomma]

maya, why not??

[mamaofthreeboys]

Originally Posted by homemademomma

maya, why not??

Yes please I too would like to hear from both points of view so that I know where others are coming from

I wasn't sure if your no WAY was in regards to my second post or to the subject in general of letting your kids play in the backyard without you being right there the whole time. And is it backyard or back yard? back yard just doesn't look right to me for some reason but I could be wrong :LOL

[sntm]

My son is still really young, so I may change my mind when he is older, but IMHO 4 and 5 still seem young to me to be out by themselves. I would think that they hadn't yet reached the maturity where they would know to stop themselves from doing something dangerous. A totally fenced in yard that they can't get out of and no one else can get IN to that has absolutely nothing remotely dangerous even when used in the bizarrely imaginative ways kids use things -- maybe. But I would worry too much about a stranger coming in, a stray dog, an escaping child, etc.

For me, 4 or 5 year olds would be okay to play independently while I was half-watching but always present (for example, sitting on the porch reading a book) or if I literally had my eyes glued on them through a window and they were NEVER out of my sight. I may be biased, though, having seen a lot of injured kids in my line of work.

Also, I think to a degree you should respect your ex's opinions on how to raise your (plural) kids. If you found out that he was feeding them nothing but PopTarts or letting them watch R-rated violent movies or spanking them or some practice you disagreed with strongly, I think you would be justified in expecting him to honor your opinions on the matter also (and I think most people here would vehemently agree that he should listen to you ) so I think this is the same situation in reverse.

[kaismom]

My son has been playing outside by himself at 2.5 which seems ridiculously early when you write it down but each situation is different. some of the reasons it works for me are:
My son is exceptionally cautious almost to a fault
Our small town and neighborhood is very safe, no one even locks doors here
Our yard is safe and enclosed and I have windows where I can watch him
I always have an ear or eye on him

Your instincts are likely to be right and I would trust them. I think kids need time to be creative on their own and I need time to my other job of house manager/maid

As far as rules and divorced parents go I think it is always best if you can establish guidelines for the children that are uniform, it is hard i think for kids to understand and cope with drastically different levels of responsibility at their two homes. That said, I think your ex is not being reasonable 9-10 sounds really old for me I think it is preferable to give kids increasing levels of responsibility over time. It helps them gain independance in a slow and comfortable way and gives them tools they will need for the times they are at school or otherwise sans parents. If you cant discuss it and come to a middle ground than I would definitely say though we tried we disagree on this issue so at my home this is the rule and you can set a rule for your home.

[mumm]

Oh my!! I must be doing it all wrong!

I let my 1 1/2 year old and 4 year old play alone in the yard. I check out every so often. Not fenced, but they know the rules. (no trampoline with out a grown up, come in if a stanger, coyote, deer, etc come into the yard. Don't even think about leaving the yard.) I'll let the four year old stay out for 30/40 minutes at a time without checking. (Like when I am nursing one to sleep.) In the summer when windows and doors are open I leave him for hours at a time only listening.

When it is only the 1 1/2 year old I will only leave for 90 seconds at a time. She is a daredevil who climbs the ropes too high (for me), swings too fast, gets too close to the road. (Granted, there are very few cars, but still..)

I can't imagine not lettting the four year old play alone outside. For his sake and mine.

[LovemyBoo]

I think it depends on the individual child and your yard/neighborhood.

I let my son play in our backyard, which is completely fenced in, alone starting when he was 4. I checked on him every few minutes. Only this year, when he turned 6, did I allow him to play in our front yard, which is unfenced, without me. We live on a cul-de-sac, no one drives on our street unless they live here or are delivering something. We live in a little mountain town. Plus I still check on him constantly, going outside to find him if I don't see him out the windows. He knows not to leave the yard without asking me. He tested that a few times during the summer by going to our neighbors house without asking. After being made to stop playing outside for the day he caught on quick.

It's your call. I see nothing wrong with it for children over the age of 5. Under the age of 5 would require either a responsible older child and/or a completely fenced in yard for my piece of mind.