Letting the anger/frustration go.....

[delighted.mama]

Have you ever found yourself stewing or agonizing over an incident that happened with your child? For me, this especially happens when dd has a tantrum that I have to deal with or she is doing somethig I don't like. While she gets over the incident rather quickly (like all kids do) I find it much harder to just move on. For her, once we talk about it or she cries about it, it's over. I, on the other hand, am plagued by it for much longer.

For example, tonight dd threw a huge tantrum while we were out because she couldn't have some chocolate. I was irritated and angry at her for (1) ruining a perfectly good evening (2) causing a scene (3) not listening to me in the first place (4) acting in an embarrasing manner. While we talked about it and made up by the time we got home (about 10 minutes) I am still thinking about it. I had to really make a point of not talking about it during dinner and bed time. Dd, after the initial freak out tantrum, was her usual jovial self and pretty much got over it. We cuddled at bedtime and she was out like a light. I, however, am STILL thinking about it: did I handle it correctly? Was I too harsh/too lax? Should I have acted differently? Was dd acting out b/c of something I did? Am I giving her enough attention? Am I scarring her for life? Was I too strict? etc. etc. The list goes on. It is so much tougher, as an adult, to just let it go and move on! :

Libby

[mamalisa]

I do it all the time. I don't think there is anything wrong to go over a situation to see what you did right, what you can do better next time. It's how we learn. I think it depends on what you are still upset about. Is it her actions? Or is it your reaction, are you just being too hard on yourself? If you're just being hard on yourself, then you probably need to lighten up a bit. You can't be the perfect mama all the time!

When dh and I first started dating we got in a fight about something stupid. He got so upset, because he thought that this was it, we were over. I was shocked, because it wasn't that big of a deal and here he thought it was the end of our relationship. In his whole life, he had never seen his parents fight, he had no idea that disagreements are normal and healthy.

I guess I feel the same way about my ds and mistakes I might make. If I screw up and yell unecessarily or over-react to something, I never get the chance to apologize and do it better the next time. He won't know that it's ok to lose your cool sometimes, as long as you learn from it and do your best to make it right.

[Bearsmama]

Libby-I could have written your post. I have a hard time moving on from these types of incidents. I analyze EVERYTHING. And I mean, EVERYTHING. It's so funny b/c DS (almost 3) is over things in a pretty short time period. I think it's okay to rehash some things, and I really think that conscientous parenting is about learning from your mistakes. But I am beginning to think that it's also about MOVING ON. Our kids need us to get back to being mommy again, QUICK. It really doesn't do your child any good. And it's certainly not good for our psyches.

Now, how do we do this? I have no idea.