reconsidering and feeling guilty about it...

[Lisa Lubner]

as salaam alaykum

so... homeschooling has been going well... adam really likes doing his letters etc... however, we haven't sat down to do his school stuff for weeks. meaning his singapore math books and the FIAR stuff. he is still learning though, his handwriting is getting better just because he really likes doing it and writing his name on everything, pointing out all the letters on street signs and whatnot. we still read a ton of books and discuss them as we go along (if he doesn't know what a word means etc.)... we tell stories (adam and the scary castle and we all contribute to it, haha) and we read stories to him without pictures so he can use his listening skills and imagination. he also LOVES his leapfrog videos, and so does his sister, and they are actually really cute and have been helpful in teaching letter sounds etc...

but the thing is, i am finding it hard to balance taking care of my home and myself with homeschooling. my apartment is a mess, and i have two daughters to care for while i'm homeschooling my son. it's not even a matter of "well, you just have to make the housework less of a priority" thing... we live in an apartment building and they cited us for having a "unkempt" apartment. (they are a heartless company that owns something like 15 complexes, so they don't care that we have so many children etc.) it's not even unsanitary though, just messy... toys on the floor, laundry to do, etc... i'm also a bit frazzled because i find i have little time for myself, unless i stay up late after the kids are in bed (sacrificing some sleep).

i'm considering putting my son in a montessori preschool, maybe just part time... i definately will homeschool him when he's older and when his sisters are older, but would it be so bad to put them in school when they're young? i can't seem to convince myself that i wouldn't be shortchanging them by *not* homeschooling them... i really do feel that it's the ideal, but at the same time i don't want to pretend i'm doing a great job when i'm not... and in the process making my children suffer... does this make any sense?? i'm feeling really guilty for considering school, and i am seriously conflicted over what to do. at the same time, am i really not doing that great a job by not sitting down and doing workbooks with my son?? maybe an unschooling approach would actually work better for us, since i can't just ignore my other two kids to do desk work with him??

i seriously don't know what to do/think here. i need help.

[oldcrunchymom]

Well, first of all there is no need to be sitting down doing curricula with preschoolers. So I would quit that unless the kids are actively asking for it. It sounds like straightening up the apartment is more important at this point.

Second, I don't know how busy you are right now, but late September through the end of December are just insane for us. We've hardly done anything formal in the past couple months and my kids are much older than yours! So don't fret. Instead I'd just look at what your kids are learning from life... cooking, cleaning skills, social stuff, game playing, singing, whatever. The great thing about homeschooling is that you can take breaks when you need to.

If it makes you feel any better, while we've been doing basically nothing the past couple months, my 6.5 year old learned how to read. Another unschooling success.

[irinam]

Aleikum asalam

Just wanted to jump in and say that I find it so very useful to read the real challenges that homeschooling mama's face.

I am not homeschooling, but seriously considering it and I like being prepared.

Even though I do not have a suggestion for OP, but want to thank her for voicing some of the things I may be facing.

Will definately be reading the suggestions from unschooling mamas.

[Dar]

I'm not sure everyone will agree with me, but IMO if you don't have school-age children then you're not homeschooling yet anyway. I wouldn't get so hung up on making things "educational", like reading stories without pictures. Read good stories that he likes, and he'll learn what he's ready to learn from them. Hang outwith your kids, do things that they (and you) find interesting, and relax...

If you think your son would enjoy doing something outside of the home so you could focus more on his sisters, maybe he'd like to do an art class, or dance, or something like that. Or just playdates with friends...

Dar

[boysrus]

Thank you Dar!! This is my thoughts exactly!!

I'm not sure everyone will agree with me, but IMO if you don't have school-age children then you're not homeschooling yet anyway

It seems like as hsing becomes more "mainstream" there is a continual push to make it "homeschooling" at a younger and younger age

[Patchfire]

Originally Posted by boysrus

It seems like as hsing becomes more "mainstream" there is a continual push to make it "homeschooling" at a younger and younger age

I think you're right, but I don't think it's necessarily being pushed BY homeschoolers/future homeschoolers. According to everyone I know, I'm already homeschooling my 4 yo dd - because their kids have been in preschool since they were two.


For the OP... I agree with the others to just let go of the formalised stuff for the time being, and concentrate on 'living' for a bit. Even if you *do* want to do formal work with your children (vs. unschooling), there's plenty of time to start that at kindergarten age... or first grade age. We're planning, at this point, to loosely follow the program outlined in WTM - and even they, formal bookwork advocates, don't advocate much beyond what your little guy is doing right now for that age!

[boysrus]

but, just bc everyone on "the outside" SAYS your homeschooling, it doesnt mean that you are then forced to DO SCHOOL with your four yo.
I have noticed, for the most part, that when a post is written y a mom whose oldest kid is not yet hsing age, she considers it homeschooling the preschooler, and worries about it and has a curr, etc. But, when a mom has older kids and younger ones, then she is hsing the older ones, and the younger ones are just kids, or are "along for the ride" and picking up things as they go along

[Lisa Lubner]

thanks mamas!

i am seriously close to tears with relief just reading those few posts. i really, REALLY don't want to send my kids to school. the reasons to do it just don't hold a candle to the reasons NOT to do it... but i was really going through a moment of self-doubt. the pressure is definately on, with all the other neighborhood kids going to school, and my family asking questions (and projecting their doubts on me)... not to mention the fact that my family runs a retail buisness (which my husband works at), and the thanksgiving through christmas season is not-so-fondly nicknamed "hell season" by my stressed out family... so we are all a bit more tightly wound up than we normally are.

just one thing though... i should have been more clear... i started reading to my son from books without pictures (in addition to picture books) for two reasons... #1 my dad did it for me when i was little, and i really think it sparked my interest in reading for entertainment (as opposed to watching tv). my husband was never read to in this way, and i really think that has a lot to do with why he doesn't enjoy reading (he does read, but primarily when he wants to learn something and he has to force himself to do it)... and #2 he really loves it. the fact that it has such a profound impact on his listening skills and his imagination (seeing "pictures" in his head as he listens) is just a pleasent side effect. the favorite story activity by far though is the homegrown story time, where we just make up the story and we all contribute.

and he really LIKES doing the singapore math and his HWT workbook... i wouldn't ever MAKE him do it if he really didn't want to. but the books haven't come out *that* much because i haven't had the time to do them with him. i admit though that i haven't really let him go through those books on his own (without my participation) because i get sortof hung up on following the directions so that he learns what he is supposed to learn from each lesson... i am re-thinking this though, lol, as it looks awfully silly to not let him just do with the books what he wants as i am writing it all out. at the same time though, following the directions for how to write the letters correctly has helped his handwriting.

anyway, the point is, even without the programs and keeping track of every "lesson"... his learning doesn't seem to be suffering.

**edited to add** in retrospect, i'm thinking that the singapore math and the HWT and the FIAR were more for me than for my son. and while he does LIKE doing this stuff with me, i think this was more about me feeling like *I* needed some structure and direction in my not-so-organized life.

[boysrus]

I was just going to say what you said in your edit!! Just bc they LIKE doing it, doesnt mean you HAVE to, yk? ((hugs))

[Fieryfly]

((hugs)) sounds like you are having a tough time and looking for ways to make it better.

>> he is still learning though,
And he will continue to learn every single day, no matter what *you* do or do not do. You went on to list so many other things he does, and its great that you recognize that he is learning through those fun activities. Honestly, that is all he needs right now.

>>but the thing is, i am finding it hard to balance taking care of my home and myself with homeschooling. my apartment is a mess, and i have two daughters to care for while i'm homeschooling my son.

To put it bluntly, stop "homeschooling". PUt those books on a shelf, and only look at them when your son gets them out. What you are already doing with all 3 of your kids can be considered "homeschooling", you don't have to open a curriculum book to be doing it. There is so much more to be exploring at this age than numbers, letters, shapes, etc. and kids do it all by themselves most of the time!

>>i can't seem to convince myself that i wouldn't be shortchanging them by *not* homeschooling them... i really do feel that it's the ideal, but at the same time i don't want to pretend i'm doing a great job when i'm not... and in the process making my children suffer... does this make any sense??

You do not have to homeschool your children right now, just play with them and do fun things together. You ARE NOT shortchanging them by not doing "formal homeschooling" before the age of 6 or 7(or never for some kids and families). Children learn best through playing every day with their family and friends.

On the other hand, parenting 3 small children on a daily basis is HARD work! I don't think there is a parent out there who will argue with you. You are caring for them, meeting their needs, and playing with them, so you are already doing a GREAT JOB! Give yourself a break and realize all that you are doing for your kids just by being with them each day.

It is true that parents who are at home with their kids all day(no matter what the age!) need a break. Search through the forum as there are several posts that address this issue.

While part time preschool can bring its own disadvantages, there are parents who find that the advantages are worth it. This is not an all-or-nothing thing. If you think preschool will help, try it. You can always change your mind later!

Also, get help. Your husband, family, or friends can pitch in and help with the childcare or house cleaning, even for a little bit to get things at a better level than they are now.

I really hope that you find something that works for you and makes life a little easier.

[USAmma]

I just wanted to chime in, although you've gotten some great resposes already. I'm new to homeschooling and my dd is only 4 (in a few days). I have found that homeschooling has in some ways forced me to get myself more organized.However I'm still finding that if I sit down for 5 mins. to relax the house gets horribly messy again in no time. :LOL

Abi loves the lessons and I even homeschool on weekends at her request. However I also take days off when the house gets to be just too much to handle, and I make it movie day for Abi, and clean as best I can.

I can't believe your apt. manager cited you! I'm always afraid what people think of my house when they leave those flyers on the door and stuff. You can see most of the house through the front window and it looks like a tornado hit.

Darshani

[CerridwenLorelei]

it is hard

sometimes isn't it?
I hs four and have several chronic illnesses..
I started doing a version of flylady and organized home that worked for me to even things out
if the house is a mess I feel worse and then let things go more and before you know it....

[Jen123]

To get a grip on homeschooling and housekeeping I made a list. I thought I'd share it with you. In the morning I'd spend our time reading and playing with the kids. When nap time rolled around.....

Monday : clean bedrooms
Tuesday : clean bathrooms
Wednesday: Laundry (wash , dried , folded , hung up AND put away lol)
Thursday: living areas (front room/dining room)
Friday: deep clean kitchen
Saturday : Laundry
Sunday : rest

When my kids help clean the house I count it for 'school' time. I label it under "life skills".

[Linda KS]

Have your tried Flylady.net? I love Flylady and she really helped me get my house together! The system is all about setting routines. For example, we pick up all the toys, shoes, etc, right before bed time. I set the timer for 10 minutes and we all hussle as fast as can and then stop when the timer goes off. My house isn't perfect, but it isn't a mess either First thing in the morning I start a load of laundry. By doing the same things in the same order everyday, they become automatic so I don't really have to think about them -- they just sort of happen.

Your son is doing great and you are doing lots of wonderful things as with him as you go about your life. I love FIAR. My kids love FIAR, but why not just shelve it until more of your kids are ready to enjoy the books? I started it when my youngest was 4 so my kids were doing it together, instead of trying to keep one busy while I taught the other.

There are many things that a 2 and 4 year old can do together, have a blast, and both learn. Concentrate on these things, rather than on teaching your son. Making a batch of playdough, for example, is a wonderful lesson in math and mixing colors, and then the kids keep themselves busy for the rest of the afternoon! When people ask what you are doing for "homeschooling" you can tell them you are studying fractions

[almama]

I'm right there with you. With a new baby in the house, not much gets done. My black humor joke to my DH was "if they get fed and are not dead by the time you get home, then it was a good day." I started doing my version of the organized home/ fly lady thing too and that is helping A LOT -so is meal planning. Luckily I don't have an association breathing down my neck, but if things are crazy and dirty and messy in my house, I get stressed out.

You're doing better than me though. My DS would read forever, but each time I sit down to read to him or play a game one of the littles starts squawking. Here was the scene today: simultaneously playing checkers with the 4 year old, playing Barnyard Bingo with the one year old (his version), and nursing and soothing my 2 month old (and mentally I'm thinking about how the heck I'm going to finish putting the groceries away). There is only so much I can do and I need to take a break at the 1 year olds nap to get the house and me together. I'm trying to involve the 4 yo in housework but either he's not usually interested or he wants to participate at awkward times. I try to arrange playdates for him, but they are still exhausting me for the most part.

I'm fine with no big structure for him now, but I'm not of the long term unschooling ilk. I question what we will be doing in 2 years when he is 6-7 years old. Hopefully I'll be able to mentor his interests better than I can now. Any "activities" or "structure" we are doing now is to help me get a sense of what I can handle and expect to help me in my decision to homeschool or not. Anyway, not trying to hijack this thread, just letting you know that you are not alone.

One other thing I've been doing is every Saturday night I hop on the computer and print out a bunch of coloring things and exercises and crafts for the 1 and 4 year olds. I could care less about "academic achievement" right now, but they like them. I put them in a big binder and when there is a lull or I need an activity, I pull one out. It helps.

BTW my son loves books with or without pictures too. I get bored of just picture books and he loves a good story, so we read whatever we can get our hands on. I just can't wait to have more time to read to him again!

Hope things are getting better for you!