i've been lurking for awhile
so i thought i should finally say hi.
i'm due with our second around the third week of april. my first birth was horribly traumatic; it was in a hospital with a CNM and i don't want that ever again. so, we talked about homebirth and my husband is very interested in it. we didn't actually find a midwife until two weeks ago and she will be coming to visit in a few weeks.
to be honest, though, i don't know how i feel about that. i do feel very strongly that we need to be at home. i'm just not sure about the midwife. she sounds like a great person and the woman who referred me to her, also a midwife, spoke very highly of her.
i'm just not sure i need/want anyone there. i've been doing so much deep thinking about this and one of the stronger things i've felt is that i only want my husband and daughter there. it seems right, yk? i don't feel that i need or want the support of anyone else and my other MW did very little other than give me awful pelvic exams during labor anyway
. i feel i can do this with just my family. i'm seeing the CNMs at our hospital currently (not the one who was at the birth) but i don't really feel like it's worth my time. it feels so impersonal and i know my body is doing what it should be.
the UC idea scares my husband, though. we both had a lot to deal with after my daughter's birth. for me, it was the sense of violation and for him, it was just the fear. he had nurses telling him that things were going badly, something was going to happen to me or the baby and when he would ask what they were doing, they'd blow him off and tell him how much danger the baby was in. he loves the idea of a midwife-assisted homebirth but isn't so keen on a UC.
so, i will probably continue lurking. i've been doing a lot of reading and i'm really enjoying it all. there's some beautiful stories out there
. i feel kinda silly saying hi at the end of a thread, since there'll probably be another one for january, right? but i'm saying hi anyway.