UC Support Thread #12 -- December 2004 - Page 10

[ChildoftheMoon]

Just wanted to let you all know that I put in a request for an unassisted birth forum. If you would like to add anything to my request, the thread is here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...64#post2466164
Thanks ladies
Brandi

[Hayliesmom]

Hello everybody and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Kate, glad you've come to a decision about your mw! I know that's a relief. I think I'm more like Annakiss in that having the mw doesn't really bother me but I can understand where it would for some people. I also think I'm where I'm at now because this is my 4th.

I can't believe how close I'm getting to having a new nursling, he'll be born this year...WOW!

Stacey

[plum]

i've been lurking for awhile so i thought i should finally say hi.

i'm due with our second around the third week of april. my first birth was horribly traumatic; it was in a hospital with a CNM and i don't want that ever again. so, we talked about homebirth and my husband is very interested in it. we didn't actually find a midwife until two weeks ago and she will be coming to visit in a few weeks.

to be honest, though, i don't know how i feel about that. i do feel very strongly that we need to be at home. i'm just not sure about the midwife. she sounds like a great person and the woman who referred me to her, also a midwife, spoke very highly of her.

i'm just not sure i need/want anyone there. i've been doing so much deep thinking about this and one of the stronger things i've felt is that i only want my husband and daughter there. it seems right, yk? i don't feel that i need or want the support of anyone else and my other MW did very little other than give me awful pelvic exams during labor anyway . i feel i can do this with just my family. i'm seeing the CNMs at our hospital currently (not the one who was at the birth) but i don't really feel like it's worth my time. it feels so impersonal and i know my body is doing what it should be.

the UC idea scares my husband, though. we both had a lot to deal with after my daughter's birth. for me, it was the sense of violation and for him, it was just the fear. he had nurses telling him that things were going badly, something was going to happen to me or the baby and when he would ask what they were doing, they'd blow him off and tell him how much danger the baby was in. he loves the idea of a midwife-assisted homebirth but isn't so keen on a UC.

so, i will probably continue lurking. i've been doing a lot of reading and i'm really enjoying it all. there's some beautiful stories out there . i feel kinda silly saying hi at the end of a thread, since there'll probably be another one for january, right? but i'm saying hi anyway.

[majazama]

plum~ What exactly happened at your first birth? I think that most husbands are pretty ambivilant when they first hear of this idea (UC). What you have to do is really show him all the good things you can find on UC and all the beautiful positive birth stories you can read. Also, (what I did anyways) say that it's your choice how you want to birth. It's your body.

[mwherbs]

[QUOTE=blueviolet]I am so extremely sensitive to others' energy. I begin to lose my sense of self because my sense of *their* self overwhelms me. QUOTE]

I am in this category too, or have been and it is somewhat floating for me,now. I have done so much healing work for myself- everything from Lendon Smith and his dietary/vitamin recommendations- I remember what a miracle cure I thought B vitamins were, not to mention magnesium; processing my life; tons of contact in LLL groups, homeschooling groups, midwifery groups... any way I can remember the first LLL meeting I attended and all that was required initially of me was to say my name and the kid's names and I threw-up afterward. Too much abuse history both from home life growing up and "social abuse" from schools. Anyway after the abuse of 2 hospital births and the isolation PTSD would have been a good descriptor- finding my first Mothering magazine issue #2 or 3 was such a relief- I bought the back issues and felt a bit better to not be alone in what I thought or how I caring for our kids. When I went to the first LLL meeting I was stressed and relieved one of the bigger reliefs was to have a LLL leader show me her house and very casually say something about co-sleeping, this wasn't written about much back then, it was something I knew about because of anthropology. To watch mothers make similar choices and different ones was both over-stimulating and relieving to me, but i kept going because isolation was worse for me. I learned enough through actual contact and not so much reading how to avoid difficulties that I had with the older kids while nursing- with the first 2 I had cracked and bleeding nipples for 6 weeks and had several plugged ducts as well. By the time we had #3 none of these problems because with my flat nipples I wore those breast cups, and I didn't let the baby draw my nipple in also I figured out how to hold the baby so she wasn't pulling on the nipple all the time she was nursing- I probably had 1 day of tenderness by contrast. With our 4th the same thing no problems- I am a voracious reader but I have found that actually seeing helps me the best, on the other hand people nervously or impatiently instructing me doesn't help in the least- I can't function and I can't think to do even what I know to do. It is like a skipping record or something KWIM, it is the same no matter if it is washing dishes or painting a wall or BF advice... Recently my issues are with trying to get a MW license I am working with midwives with all sorts of different training and philosophies than I have and the more controlling the mw is the more paralyzed I am, I can't even think straight- what I have found is that we might be thinking of the same things but differently or in a different order and it throws me off. What astounds me is how many women just love this very controlling gal, this is not for me too much like my first 2 hospital births.

[Aurora]

Plum-welcome! I hope you can find your way, whatever that may be. My dh was against UC at first as well but I kept feeding him info and I was fully prepared to tell him I was going to UC anyways. He came around and feels that our UC was amazing and can't imagine it any other way now. Stick around.

[amyjeans]

Hi all-
checking in- any word on the January support thread or are we waiting for our own forum????
PS- AF hasn't shown up yet...3 days late and you could set your watch by me. Please send preggy vibes!

[Hayliesmom]

Welcome Plum!

Stacey

[rainbowmoon]

congrats & welcome plum! I too had CNM's for my first birth that were absolutley horrible and definitly won't be going that route again. I am totally set to birth this baby on my own. DH is nervous at times, but is coming around. could you get your DH to read some birth stories or watch some UC birth videos? that might help put his mind at ease.

eta- I just had to share.. my mom sent me a brand new BP cuff for xmas! lol. she knows I'm going for UP anyway I thought it was just cute so I had to share.

[plum]

Originally Posted by *Mamajaza*

plum~ What exactly happened at your first birth?

i didn't progress fast enough so it became a train wreck of interventions. i would tell them i didn't want them to, say, monitor me anymore and my husband tell them no and they'd start in on how something could be wrong with the baby, is that what we wanted? everything was like that. towards the end, they started talking to him about a cesarean. yet, they were so casual about things. one of the monitors beeped for almost ten minutes before they came in to check on it. he tried to page them, went down to the nurses station but no one came. when they finally did, we both thinking it was something bad but she just wandered in, shut it off and left again. it was a very surreal experience.

[ChildoftheMoon]

January thread

I am working on the new thread right now. It takes a little while to transfer all the links in the original post. Who knows how long it will take if we are approved for a forum of our own, so I will just continue with the new thread. I will post a link here as soon as I am done.
Brandi

[ChildoftheMoon]

here is the new thread
Brandi