talk to me...reassure me

[Jen123]

We have adpoted a very relaxed child led atmosphere over the last three years. Every so often I'll declare a 'schooly' day and we'll do a formalized lesson plan. The exception to this is math. That is my husband's territory. They use a very formal curriculum including tests. The kids thrive on it. They are better behaved , more focused , and more creative after having several formal school days in a row. All together we are talking maybe two hours out of their day. Plenty of time to scope out thier own ideas and creative play. They laugh louder , have less sibling arguments , pout less , and I hear "look what I did " instead of "I'm bored".

So...do I start a formal plan from here on out ? It would certainly seem it's in my children's best interests. However , the mere thought of doing such formal lessons (which were stifiling to me as a child) gives me the willies.

[Patchfire]

I may be off the mark here, because I don't know what your days are like, but - are they responding to the lessons themselves, or merely the structure inherent in doing the lessons? I know my dd prefers a routine... whatever that routine may happen to be. I could say that we do handstands for 15 minutes every morning, and so on, and it would be the mere predictably/structure of it that she would like.

[Linda KS]

No one can tell you what is best for your family. You are one of the people in your family and whatever you decide to do has to work for YOU.

We have tried lots of different things and found that relaxed schooling works best for us. What we do is completely different from school. For example, we read really good books for history -- the difference between what we do and unschooling is that I decided what topic we will study,track down good books, and have time set aside to sit down and read. My kids love it. If we start a book we don't like, we dump it.

There is a continuum between school at home and unschooling. Just because you decide that you aren't quite where you need to be right now, it doesn't mean that you have to go to the other extreme.

[meowee]

I have found that the stricter I am about school time, the better behaved the children are. The more organized and teacherly I am, the better they treat each other and me.

When I just leave them to their own devices and have no structure, they tend to spend their time clobbering each other, complaining, bickering, whining. ??????? So I don't know. Maybe it depends on the kid.

We're still very relaxed compared to real school, but they do have assignments. They always have the options, lots and lots of choices. We accomodate them as much as possible.

[heldt123]

It seems like you are doing good having a combination of both structure and unstructure. It may be a good idea as others have mentioned to have some sceduled time, i.e. certain days of week or hours of day, just to get them into a routine. It really depends upon your kids and your life, though.

As a homeschooled child, I wish that my grandma would have been a bit stricter on me. After fourth grade, she pretty much let me do things my own way. Later in life, I now have trouble with schedules, structure, and routines. You may want to consider some structured time just in case they want to go to college someday, it will be easier for them to adjust. (Being required to do assignments, meet deadlines, and follow a schedule are all life skills that are useful in today's society.)

[Brenoi]

You know - it may not be just the structure the kids are responding too. It could also be your husband. They may find it a great way to bond with Dad. I in no way am phrasing this as an insult. I find it in my house and that is why I mention it. When Daddy says something it is law. The three of them (dh, dd, ds) can have the whole house cleaned in an hour, but with me it could take days. When Dh says sit down and do your work - boom they are in their seats. When I say it - I may get the why do we have to, whinning.

I think part of it is that they see Daddy less and are thrilled to have that time with him and part of it is that they know that I respect their thoughts and ideas and may change something if they were not happy with it. Whereas dh would say this is the plan and we are sticking to it. He is more results oriented where I am more process oriented. And that is why we make a good pair. The kids get a taste of both.

You also have to do what you are comfortable with. If you are pure structure and hate it, it will show through. I have found that our hs style has evolved. It changes with me, with them, with what we are learning, and even the seasons. Be open to those gradual changes, but be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater as they say - change drastically and loose what is good about the way you are working with them.

[Jen123]

Thanks so much for all your thoughts/opinions. I think a more structured atmosphere is what our goal should be. Right now we fly by the seat of our pants. lol I love it after having so many years of strict structure , but am slowly realizing that maybe my kids need that.

I have thought about also , that it's Dad they are responding to. They adore time spent with Daddy ....maybe because that time is structured or maybe because it's Daddy and not mama.

Thanks all. I'm feeling much better.