Well, my dad's an alcoholic... the most important thing in his life was drinking, second most important thing was working. He got sober about 6 years ago and just threw himself into his job to fill the void. Then he had a stroke about 3 years ago which forced him into an early retirement. He now relies on my siblings and I to fill his days, which I really resent sometimes. Yes, that's right, I am a monster.
What kind of person resents a handicapped, recovered alcoholic? I am the oldest of his kids, and take most of the resposibility of ensuring his happiness, and sometimes wonder why I do it for him when he was NEVER there for me. Although he is dry, he can still be very mean. I think he is probably a pretty cool person who has just been through a lot, but now that I have children of my own, I am realizing all that I missed out on and also am lacking in what seems to be basic parenting skills, such as anger management. (which was non-existant in our house growing up.)
Here's the worst part: Sometimes I wish he wasn't sober because then some of these feelings would be validated!
: I just feel like I have no right to complain because he stopped his drinking, so although he was drunk for the first 20 years of my life, I don't allow myself to talk or think enough about this stuff. And as I hear about how my little sister got beat up by her boyfriend again, or that my little bro went on another drinking binge, I can't help but think that our lives might have been better without him.
My mom is a pro enabler... she waited until us kids were grown to divorce him because of his drinking, and is now engaged to another alcoholic.
I love her, but I am also resenting her for allowing him to drive us around knowing he was wasted, never mentioning alateen to us as kids, and just overall letting us think that our family situation was "normal".
So I am trying to salvage a relationship with a man I barely know... we only had about 3 years to get to know the real him, post-alcohol and pre-stroke.
If anyone else's situation is similar at all to this one, I would
to hear from you. I'm also curious about anyone's experience with getting outside help... specefically alanon vs. acoa, and real meetings vs. on-line meetings.
Thanks for "listening"....