Losing Faith, Losing Hope, Losing It... GD related

[ekblad9]

I'm a mom with five kids and one due very soon. We homeschool and therefore I am with my kids all of the time. My kids ages are 12, 8, 6, 4, and 2. I came to Mothering Mag. nearly seven years ago and fell in love with everything. I already somewhat practiced AP, used cloth diapers, and nursed but Mothering really fed me. Anyway, I'm starting to feel like GD isn't working. My 12 year old is awesome and my 8 year old is good most of the time but my 6 yo and 4yo are really awful. They drain me from 6 am until 10 pm. They fight almost constantly. They fight over who's going to sit by me when we read stories (if I can't be in the middle), who's going to sit by me in church, who's smarter, nicer, they do really mean things to eachother like my 4 yo will break 6 yo's Lego creations for fun. I'm at my wits end. I've read all the books and then some. I've tried natural consequences, somewhat structured discipline (time outs, black out (no TV, computer, friends, etc). They accept the consequences and go on to do the same thing the next day. I've tried individual attention. Taking one child out for ice cream, special time, etc. Nothing works! I really need some help!!!

Thank you!

[MamaOui]

ekblad, No advice, just some encouragement. You are pregnant and you are juggling so much. How long have you been feeling this way? How long have your 4 and 6 year olds been draining you and constantly fighting?

[ekblad9]

It's really only been a few months but it seems like forever! My two year old is very high needs. He gets up at 5:30 am and isn't easy to please at all. He takes alot of my time and attention. It seems like I'll just barely get him calmed down and boom, they are fighting. Ugh! I'm hoping to have more energy and a change in dynamics once this baby is born!

[maya44]

Have you read "Mom, jason's breathing on me" by Anthony Wolf????

Since your problem seems sibling based this book offers a very different approach to sibling issues. It really has worked for us.

In the interest of full disclosure I will tell you that while Wolf is very GD (does not believe in punishment, rewards or bribes or threats) but is not completely AP (believes that its ok for parents to set rules without reasons, though does not believe you have a right to enforce those rules by punishment).

[ekblad9]

Thanks! I'll check that out!

[MsMoMpls]

The thing that works best for me with sibling issues is to always remember they are our issues more than the kids issues. Think of the unwanted behavior as "bugging mom" and focus on decreasing the "bugging mom". The kids will be fine. There are cases where one sibling is abusing or bullying the other but almost always- they are practicing adult relationships. And they will be ok. They just need to stop bugging you. When you try to change their behavior to try and have them get along, you are pushing them in a direction they have no investment in and there are no reasonable consequences. I mean if I had ever treated anyone as mean as I did my little sisters, they wouldn't have stuck around and they certainly wouldn't be my best friends today.

The other trick I learned with tattling was to ask child #1 (tattler) what will child #2 tell me? Or what do you think I should do about it? They actually know everything. They know how little we can do and they know how naughty they both are being.

[USAmma]

I wonder if they are bored and need some ways to keep busy, some chores to feel like they are contributing members of the household. When I started asking Abi to do chores (watering the plants, setting the table, picking up laundry, putting away laundry) it was like she grew in stature almost, and accepted the new responsibility with pride.

It sounds like you just have too many little arms pulling you in too many directions. Maybe if you can steal away for a hot tea and a magazine at a coffee house once a week, it would help you to get some energy back.

Darshani
who's hiding out in the bedroom to get away from the chaos for awhile

[ekblad9]

I've wondered about the bored thing. They all have a list of chores that they complete each morning before schoolwork begins. They are kept so busy most mornings that I figure the afternoon is theirs once they finish their work. I guess I should get some more hands on activities for them in the afternoons.

I used to go to the coffee house regularly (once/week) but haven't done that in a long, long time. I should do it again. Thanks for the reminder.

[MamaOui]

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=183481

Above is the link to the moms of many small children thread.

Maya43, The book you suggested seems like it would be helpful.

Ekblad, Since the birth of my dd#3, I have found that alone time is essential to my sanity. Usually once a week, I try to get out on my own (my breastmilk babe comes with me, but that's fine by me ).

Do you have anyone that can give you a break or come help with the kids for a couple of hours? IME, I found I withdrew a bit from everyone at the end of my pregnancies, which is kind of hard to do with little ones