Did I overreact to a lady touching my child? - Page 3

[onlyzombiecat]

I don't know how I would have reacted since I've never had anyone handle my child that way.
I probably would have looked over my child and asked her if she was okay first and then asked the woman what her problem was.
It'd be nice if security would've listened to you more but they probably couldn't do much anyway.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Mom2AliKat

Maybe it's a huge pet peeve of mine, but I *hate* when people touch my children and I have held my tongue every single time someone reaches out and says something like, "Oh what curly hair you have!" to my daughters. I think that kind of touching is probably harmless, even though it burns me up inside. One would NEVER go up to an adult and touch their hair. Why is it ok to touch a child in that way?

First off-- people did reach out and touch my hair all the time when I had it, and that's one of the reasons I'm in no hurry to grow it back. They've been doing it all my life, and it still pisses me off.

Secondly-- I don't think you were out of line. We're not talking about a stranger helping your daughter stand up because she landed hard at the bottom of the slide, we're not talking about her helping a crying child. What we're talking about is someone with racist ideas deciding that her grandchild's rights were more important than your daughter's, plain and simple. It's not about her just touching your child, it's about how and why she did it, and *that's* why she was in the wrong. I think that some people here have the wrong idea, that it's all about her just touching your child, and that doesn't seem to be it at all to me.

Thirdly-- I don't think that any parent is out of line to say that they don't want strangers touching their children gratuitously. If my son is about to run into the street, or he's just banged his head at the bottom of the slide and another parent gets to him first (and frequently they do, because I have a hard time running with his sister in the sling) then I'm greatful that they're willing to take a moment to make sure that he's okay. I'd do the same for anyone else's child. It's another story entirely when someone just walks up to him and says "OMG, you've got the most beautiful eyes!" and leans in like they're going to kiss him, or says "I love babies!" and reaches out to touch my daughter. Sorry, but my children are not on display just because they're cute; an adult should have more self control than to reach out and touch something that looks nice. I am much more leniant with children, especially young ones, than I am with adults.

[FroNuff]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

Well, you stated in your OP that you said in your "deepest mama bear voice, 'Get your hands off my child.'" I'm not sure how that could be construed as anything other than rude. If you didn't want this woman to touch your child, there are politer ways of saying so.

What would have a more polite way to tell someone not to attempt to move my daughter? I didn't curse at the woman, nor raise my voice. I lowered my voice, looked her in the eye and said what I said like I meant business. It was all fine until she got defensive and subsequently said the racist bit. But *I* was the one who was rude.

But kids are not possessions, so if a child is touched by a stranger but doesn't seem bothered by it, objecting to the child being touched just because it's YOUR child seems overly possessive, to me.

My daughter is 2. It is my job to let her know it is not okay for every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane to touch her, no matter what their intentions are. There are nutty people out there, and I'm sure not taking chances on the nutjobs at the expense of my daughters. If that makes me possessive, then so be it.

FWIW, I had a few times where people wanted to touch my hair when I was little and it bugged me then, but I had always gotten the impression that I shouldn't make waves and I should be polite, so I never said a word. I'm not going that same route with my daughters.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Mom2AliKat

What would have a more polite way to tell someone not to attempt to move my daughter?

For starters, you could have smiled and said, "Thanks, I'll help her." You could also have said, "She's so young, she doesn't like to be touched by strangers." You could also have said, "I prefer that people we don't know not touch my daughter." Any of these things could have been said with a smile and still gotten your point across.

It was all fine until she got defensive and subsequently said the racist bit. But *I* was the one who was rude.

Yes, I think you were rude. I also think she was unforgiveably hostile in response. How she responded doesn't change the fact that growling "Get your hands off my daughter" in what seemed to be an innocuous situation was, to me, rude. It has nothing to do with not making waves and everything to do with giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying to be friendly. Cleary we don't agree on that. That's fine. But I remind you, you titled this thread, "Did I overreact to a lady touching my daughter?" Did you want people's opinions or did you just want people to join you in being aghast at this woman's hostility?

Namaste!

[sweetest]

Originally Posted by Mom2AliKat

My daughter is 2. It is my job to let her know it is not okay for every Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane to touch her, no matter what their intentions are. There are nutty people out there, and I'm sure not taking chances on the nutjobs at the expense of my daughters. If that makes me possessive, then so be it.

Thats exactly it. Better to be a bit rude when someone is touching you and you dont like it than to be poilte and.....well.....
If you are not always friendly to every one you meet, so be it. Better to be realistic. And obviously your mama instinct was right on - this woman was less than a kind soul trying to help a small child

[Kathryn]

I kind of think you over-reacted. I think you should've just said "Please stop touching my daughter." That way you got a stong message across without being a b!tch. However, if I got a bad feeling about someone and they were touching my daughter (even if it seemed innocent) I would get nasty too. I know from horrible experience to trust that gut.
I do think that calling mall security was good, but in a different way. I don't think it helped the current situation any, but she might think twice about grabbing someones kid or opening her mouth next time.
I want to share an experience with you I had once: I was grocery shopping one afternoon and I went to go buy some hair dye. I started to walk down the isle and this little girl (prob 8-10 months) crawled up to me and put her arms up so I would pick her up. I looked at her and then down the isle to see where her mom was. Her mother was at the other end of the isle completely engrossed in the hair dyes. I picked the little girl up and walked down to her mom. I said this "Hi, your little cutie here crawled down to me and wanted to be picked up. I decided to get her and bring her back to you so you could keep a better eye on her. You never know what kind of people are in here. Anyone could've grabbed her and run off without you ever knowing. Good thing for you I'm a nice person."
She gave me the most horrific look and then walked off after snatching her dd out of my arms. I felt mean, but at the same time, I could've been anybody and I needed to let her know that.
Hmmm. Not really sure now why I shared that story as it really has nothing to do with you. lol. I had a reason to share it to begin with so maybe you'll get it.

[Missy]

I'm kind of surprised anyone considers your reaction to be rude or inappropriate. Maybe they missed the part of your post that very clearly states that her manner was neither gentle nor thoughtful.

Apparently, her grandson/son was behind DD and my DD wasn't moving fast enough for her tastes, so she grabbed DD's arm and attempted to move her along to the stairs.

and again

Apparently, her grandson/son was behind DD and my DD wasn't moving fast enough for her tastes, so she grabbed DD's arm and attempted to move her along to the stairs.

How is that even remotely okay?? I would be more concerned about the mama who didn't respond in such a manner. NOBODY grabs my child. It has nothing to do with possession and everything to do with respecting my child and keeping her safe. That woman was simply nasty.

Missy