"Don't you want him to look like Dad?"

[allisonrose]

I'm curious how often parents of intact sons get asked this. I'm not pregnant yet but we don't plan to get any sons circed - my hubby is intact and as we all here know there's no decent reason to circ. To nosy strangers and some more open minded relatives I don't think I'll think twice about saying "he is like his dad" but some relatives that might be too much information (like my grandparents ).
Anyone else have this same situation?
Either way, do you get the "like Dad" argument often?

[LianneM]

Um, he might look just like MOM! :LOL He might have dad's eyes and mom's nose. All baby boys don't look just like dad. I know, obvious, but come on - isn't it really that silly anyway?

[Thmom]

I've never actually been asked that but I've heard it as a reason :

My thoughts are how often do guys stand around comparing peni? then... should I dye his hair to match daddy's? How about giving my dd a breast enlargment so she looks like me? But I suppose if grandma asked such a question I would give her the answer that is most likely to shut her up... "he does look like his daddy":LOL

Then there is the ever popular question: What about being teased in the locker room? My thoughts: who is going to get teased more the boy who looks different or the boy who is caught looking??

[zaftigmama]

I have been asked, "Doesn't Rich mind that Ari won't look like him?" It's such a stupid question. And are really curious how Rich feels, if so, ask him. I think they're really asking me, "Why in the world didn't you circumcise him?" Sometimes I pretend I don't know what they mean, and say something like, "Oh yeah he hopes the kids take after him, Halle sure does." Depending on who's asking (anyone related to my DH) I instantly become enraged and say, "Lord no, we're hoping he's much different in that department." Which is implying my DH is somehow inadequate, but it makes them so mad it's worth it.

Sometimes I attempt to point out how ridiculous that argument is. I tell them we're not going to hope that Ari needs glasses, gets male pattern baldness, is overweight, etc.,. just to look like dad. So why would we worry about their penises? I'm not going to get Ari colored contacts because his blue eyes are different, or color his blond hair because his dad's (what's left) is brownish red. I mean, really. What does that even have to do with it?

I'm also amazed how often I hear that argument. It's second (in stupidity) to the whole, "I don't have a penis so I can't make that decision." Stupid cop out.

Take care!

[shishkeberry]

Originally Posted by allisonrose

To nosy strangers and some more open minded relatives I don't think I'll think twice about saying "he is like his dad" but some relatives that might be too much information (like my grandparents ).

But it's not too much information for your grandparents to ask about your ds? Weird.

I don't think anyone asked me that, though. But I remember by SMIL yelling at me because ds might get cancer.

[heldt123]

In my experience, people don't ask. It isn't the most popular topic, but I suppose it depends upon the family.

[bravofrenchie]

The only person your son needs to look like is himself.

[sincitymama]

We never had to field that question. I got lucky in htat the only person to even question it was a friend who circs, and she was really just curious. Like, why wouldn't you? Doesn't everyone?
I do remember we talked with his parents about it alot. They ask a lot of questions to understand why we do things the way we do, they haven't been around babies much and things are much different than when dh was born, but are usually pretty cool about it. Mostly we get 'wow, I never knew that! Oh really? i wish we'd thought to question the doctor!' They were young and not very educated at the time and just did what 'everyone' did and the doc said was best.
So we got to talking about circ, and why they had it done to dh. Mostly because the doctor told them it was best, it was cleaner and easier to care for, you don't want him to be made fun of, etc.. Typical crap. And then his dad says 'we also didn't want you to wonder why you looked different from me'
Dh says 'Oh, are you circed?'
After 26 years of living with his dad, in a not very shy household, plenty of locker room showers at the gym and such, and he had no idea if his father was circumcised or not.

I like that anecdote because it illustrates how silly that argument is. Dh just plain old never bothered to check out his dads penis that closely!

[Frankly Speaking]

It really is a silly question. Every son is born looking like his father. It was his father's genetic code that put that foreskin there and cutting it off only denies that genetic coding. Just because the father had his foreskin cut off does not alter the genetic code. It doesn't matter how many foreskins are cut off at birth or later, the genetic code remains the same.




Frank

[Benji'sMom]

I wasn't asked, but other people have given me that as a reason. CRAZY!

[boingo82]

"YES. That's why we are getting electrolysis on DH's pubes. We figured that would be more noticeable."

That'll shut 'em up.

[A&A]

Yeah, I heard this one when I was pregnant.

You know what? My intact son and my circ'd dh DO look alike--they have similar eyes, cheeks, and hair.

[Thmom]

Originally Posted by boingo82

"YES. That's why we are getting electrolysis on DH's pubes. We figured that would be more noticeable."

That'll shut 'em up.

:LOL omg that is funny I'll have to remember that one.

[allisonrose]

Basically never huh?
Weird I would have thought it came up since everyone gives it as that last ditch "reason".
Thanks everyone!

[MommyBear]

"Of course we want him to look JUST LIKE Daddy. His plastic surgery is scheduled for the middle of next year and the chest hair implants start right after that. Of course it took us a while to find a doctor that would cut off Juniors leg so he could look just like his Daddy who happens to wear a prosthetic but "Back Alley Bill" as they call him seems to be very nice and willing to do the job at a decent price. Insurance of course won't cover the procedures so we have to sell our house and car and will be living in our brand new (to us) VW Bus with no seatbelts. It's all worth it though because my son will look just like Daddy and we all know that that is the most important thing."

The story varies depending on who I'm talking to but you get the gist of it. And FTR my DH doesn't have a prosthetic leg but it just adds so much to the story.

[SagMom]

"I DO really wish that ds looked like his daddy, but I feel the decision to undergo foreskin restoration is entirely up to dh as it's his penis."

[crayon]

Everyone knows how Scott and I feel about circing if we have a boy- and we have both heard, "well is Scott circed?" Then I say "Yes" and they say "he/you are okay with having a boy not ciced, he will not look like you/scott?" as if Scott would cut him just so his penis will look like Scotts. How stupid, Scott would never assume to know what it fells like to be intact, he can only go on what he educates himself about- and the same for me- However, if you read the post about "do they remember" it was posted by Scott (drifter) and he remembers being very young pulling his skin over the gland- almost like he knew it should be over the gland but is too short.

You know- I have no idea what Scott's dad's penis looks like (thank god!) but I do know he is circed, and I have no idea what his brothers penis looks like, but I would think that it looks nothing like Scott's. His brother has a totally different build than Scott- So both these boys cam out of the same mom and dad and they look totally different- And really does it matter to your husband, or to your BIL or to your son if their penis looks like their fathers? The way we see it is that we are giving our son a gift of having an intact penis, full of nerves and saving him from pain that is not needed and we view our son as an indvidual and that means all of him as special. It is his body- not mine, if he wants to circ himself after he is 18 I dont have control over that, nor do I have control over who he has sex with or what color his hair is. I let him make the choices about how to change his body- it is not my body to change, he is born perfect.

[crayon]

Originally Posted by MommyBear

"Of course we want him to look JUST LIKE Daddy. His plastic surgery is scheduled for the middle of next year and the chest hair implants start right after that. Of course it took us a while to find a doctor that would cut off Juniors leg so he could look just like his Daddy who happens to wear a prosthetic but "Back Alley Bill" as they call him seems to be very nice and willing to do the job at a decent price. Insurance of course won't cover the procedures so we have to sell our house and car and will be living in our brand new (to us) VW Bus with no seatbelts. It's all worth it though because my son will look just like Daddy and we all know that that is the most important thing."

The story varies depending on who I'm talking to but you get the gist of it. And FTR my DH doesn't have a prosthetic leg but it just adds so much to the story.

:

[nikirj]

Ooooh, great answer MommyBear!

FWIW, my DH is intact and hasn't hesitated to tell people if they get nosy about it. He's quite happy with his intactness and quite happily lets them know they've offended him. ("of COURSE he looks like me, jeez, I'm really happy to have all MY parts") Not that anyone knows what to say to that (ok, so it's only happened once...our families don't circ so it doesn't happen within our families, it was a coworker thing and DH is quite vocal on his parenting ideas with his coworkers, so the question wasn't out-of-line).