19 mo hits and laughs

[Rebekah]

Nothing I'm doing is helping. Ds (usually while we are nursing, but not always), will look me in the eye and calmly hit me very hard in the face. sometimes he bites or pinches me. He sometimes says "ouch" or "hurt" while he does it (because he has heard me say this). I've tried calmly saying "we don't hit" or "no, don't hit mommy" and then I say "gentle" and take his hand and do a gentle touch on me and him. he'll do this a bit, but then hit again. he sometimes does this with our dog too. I've also tried being firmer (i.e., raising my voice and saying "no" forcefully). that too doesn't seem to make a difference. the hardest thing is that he often laughs. especially if he hits me or bites me hard enough that i make an inadvertent cry of pain. this has been going on for weeks. any suggestions?????

[polka hop]

*

[Ellien C]

I took to saying calmly that I didn't want to play with people who hit me. Which is kind of what I'd like DC to do if she's ever in a similar circumstance. Then I'd turn away or walk a little bit away. She would invariably come following. And I'd scoop her up and say "I know you're sorry for hitting." And repeat if necessary. This worked really well for those "smiling playful" hits, not the loss of impulse control kind.

[Rebekah]

thanks for your replies. It is good to know that ds's behavior is not uncommon. I tried walking away tonight. he cried. i came back. he hit. oh my.

[sagira]

In the Positive Discipline series, I read that you could leave the room for seconds (a minute the most) at a time if he/she hits you. It says that to be respectful also means being respectful to yourself, because your son/daughter gets a taste of what it's like to stand up for yourself.

I've been doing that with ds. He's 15 months old. He hits my face then smiles in an impish way. He's seeing what reaction he'll get. I've told him repeatedly that we're gentle with people, that we don't hit, that we touch nice, etc.

Now when he does it again I'll simply leave. Not in an angry way or anything, but I just leave for a few seconds. If he starts crying mamamama I'll come right away and hug him. If he does it again, I'll leave again and so on. We just started this recently, but I already see progress. I like it because it's not punitive or cruel.

Still feeling my way through toddlerhood!

Cheers,

[SpiralWoman]

My DS is 18 mo old & has recently gotten into hitting (mostly DH) with wooden spoons. Needless to say all his spoons are plastic now! But anyway, we are trying to reframe what he is doing, look for what it is he likes about the interaction, etc. I think he is trying to engage DH in teasing play, something they already do. I think DS also likes the intensity of DH's reaction (which is to make eye contact & be serious). So DH is trying not to give that reaction, but instead to start playing before DS actually gets around to hitting. Like when he tried to do it to me (he likes to hold the spoon up & almost hit, then hit) we pretended the spoon was a brush & we brushed our hair. Then when the playmate who was with us picked up a spoon, we pretended they were flowers & DS was giving us flowers to smell. Worked ok & no one got smacked in the head with a spoon!

Now, if he was biting me on purpose while nursing, I do not know what I would do. How can you reframe that? That's a tough one! He does hit me while nursing sometimes, but it is more of a bored arm swing that I just ignore, & sometimes it gets a bit harder, or sometimes catches my face. I do think it's cause & effect that they look for. I hope you find something that works to stop it bcz I do think they learn from seeing us stand up for ourselves.
~Maria

[Bippity]

DD is 19 mo., but isn't nursing any longer, but when she hits, I'll say in a firm voice with a stern look, No, hitting. Hitting hurts and we don't hurt people or animals. Hands are for gentle touches, like this... and show her. If she laughs I just keep the stern face going for a bit & hopefully until it sinks in that it isn't funny.

Then if she insists on hitting again, I'll repeat the no hitting-hitting hurts part and say when you feel angry you can hit this... (point out something soft & hittable [or we bought one of those Brio endless ball pounder things with a hammer] & maybe even hit it myself while saying "I feel mad, mad, mad!) It seems to be working.

We did the same thing with no biting & it did work for that (minus the ball pounder). Now she bites her dolls or possibly even the offending object, but I can see her thinking about it, looking around for what she CAN bite. I'm not exactly sure that allowing her to bite her dolls is a good thing, but at least their not real!

[blue heron]

my ds is 18 mo and when he hits me I tell him we just hit pillows. With him suggesting something different works bettdoesner than no.

It's funny I've watched many friends and family go through this phase with their little ones, but it doesn't prepare for the shock when your own does it.

good luck, Meryl