I can't take this anymore

[WithHannahsHeart]

Ok, you guys, i really need some help, ASAP: i canNOT nurse Sophia anymore. I cannot take it. I hate it. I am on progesterone supplements to try to concieve, and of course that is making my breasts hurt and nipples sensitive. You all are welcome to think to yourselves that you are better than me because i feel that way, but this is how it is. I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to force my next child to share them, either; i want him to have his own special nursing relationship like his sister had. I absolutely don't want to nurse during pregnancy, period. I don't know how many rounds of progesterone it might or might not take to achieve pg'cy, but it's not going to feel any better when i am pregnant. I have been trying to talk to her about it, but i don't know if she gets it or not. This past couple of weeks, she actually has dropped the after nap nurse several times; once she went all night and all day until evening until she nursed. But i cannot nurse her to sleep, it is too much, and i end up looking at her and resenting her and wishing she would leave me alone. I want to end this before i really start to hate her for nursing, but i don't know how []. She might be one of those kids that you have to just go cold turkey on, but i'm not sure how that could be accomplished. Help! Oh: She is 28 months old, and night weaned.

[Qerratsmom]

I'm not sure what advice to give, but I know how you feel. I'm pregnant and still bf ds to sleep (he FINALLY nightweaned a month ago), but it is really hard to take. If I had more energy I would have tried weaning him myself earlier. As it is I'm not sure how to end the "to sleep" nurse and am just too tired by the end of the day to be ambitious about it. Luckily its usually pretty short. I have started only allowing him to nurse to the count of 10, Sometmes at night I"ll let him nurse for like 2 minutes then I'll start counting. Suprisingly he doesn't resist much and now usually (of course its not 100% of the time) when I say 10 he roles away from me and as long as i lay with him for a minute or so longer, he's asleep. Onc ein a while he wants to nurse during the day and I just count to 10 and he releases and is fine with that. I know you would like to completely wean and I totally support that. I hope these ideas may help the process, of course if your dh can help at night it might go quicker. My dh isn't able (or willing) to help me much at night.

[WithHannahsHeart]

Wow, 25 hits and one response. Are you all secretly thinking evil thoughts about me now because i want to wean my TWO year old? Thanks much, mamas.

[hallesmom]

I don't have any thing that great to add-but just wanted to give you some support. 2

I've never been in your situation but you have to do what you have to do. period.

I hope some expierenced mamas chime in here...

[WithHannahsHeart]

Thanks! I talked to her about it today, and explained that we would have to stop nursing very soon because mommy is taking medicine that makes her boobies very very owie and tired. I have been trying to talk with her about all the other fun things that she, as a big girl, can do with me that will be soooo fun and special. Also sort of talked about that mommy might have a little baby some day soon who would need to have the boobies; she got a kick out of that idea. She is very interested in having a sibling. I'm not sure if she really 'got' the finality of what i was saying, but i will keep talking about it with her, and keep dropping nursings. We have been eliminating nursings for a few months now, and hopefully can speed it up a bit, i am aiming for about a month or so.

If anyone has other ideas, i would be so very grateful to hear them.

[alegna]

It sounds like you've done a great job so far. I haven't been there yet, but I think you're on the right track by eliminating nursings one at a time. I think cold turkey would be really hard on you both. Keep spacing them out. Make it longer and longer between until you're down to just one or two a day. I think that would make the transistion easier. Maybe you could have a special weaning party for her when she's all done?

good luck!

-Angela

[LovemyBoo]

I ff my son, and dd is still going strong so I haven't had to wean yet. It sounds like gradually dropping the sessions one at a time is the way to go if you can do it. Maybe replace them with momma cuddle time if your dd needs it. Instead of nursing you cuddle in the chair with a book or sing some songs. That way she doesn't lose out on mama time (until she has to share ) and you can save some sanity.

FWIW I think 28 months of nursing is wonderful and you've done a great job!! You've nothing to be ashamed of, imho. You're a great mother and I'm sure you'll do what best for your dd and for YOU. Lots of luck and

[iamama]

I think nursing for 28 months is very admirable and the fact that you want to qiut bc it is physically painful is VERY understandable. You are doing the right thing by talking about it and preparing your dd for the change. I too nurse my dd for a couple minutes and then tell her okay one more minute and it has been an easy way to shorten our sessions. She has to have it before bed and in the morning and sometimes it only last for 2 to 5 minutes. My dd has become quite a fan of cuddling after our shorten nurse sessions. Could you replace the nursing with some other physical time? I don't like the idea of cold turkey bc it seems like that could be confusing for a little one. She trust that something is there then its gone it may not be so good. But then again if it affecting you negatively in so many ways it may be best bc then you will be able to not feel resentful.

So after reading my respnse its not very good advice but I think you can do some soul searching and decide what will be best for you and her. Remember you have nursed her over 2 years and you are in pain so anyone who judges you for wanting to wean is a big meanie!

[the_lissa]

Originally Posted by WithHannahsHeart

Wow, 25 hits and one response. Are you all secretly thinking evil thoughts about me now because i want to wean my TWO year old? Thanks much, mamas.

Well, I read this, and wasn't going to comment because I have no experience in this area as my nursling is only 8 months old. I like to look at the ebf threads for future reference though. Anyways, I can't speak for anyone else, but just because people aren't commenting doesn't necessarily mean they are judgingyou, and if they are, who cares? You have to do what is best for you.

[WithHannahsHeart]

No, i really won't do cold turkey, honestly. I have been offering extra cuddles today, and even allowing extra treats :. The thing is, she has also been starting to drop her nap, and she is SOOO tired right now, and just not willing to have things explained to her (at this moment). She is letting me 'count ten', though which helps. I also got a brain wave to do the cabbage leaf thing: not only will it be comforting for the pain, but it might also dry up my milk so that nursing will not be very attractive to her.

[ctdoula]

HUGS mama!!! I'm 23w pregnant (and used progesterone for the first 12 w) so I've been there. It is SO painful. Ugh. It's still a struggle for me to get comfortable nursing my 2.5yr old & I can not stand it if she touches the breast w/her free hand, so she has to keep it under the covers, LOL.

I don't blame you one bit for wanting to stop. I think you should do whatever method works best for you. My dd is down to 2-3 times a day (first thing in the morning, sometimes mid-day, bed times). If she asks at other times, I try to offer a snack/juice in case she's thirsty/hungry, read a book, play, etc. It's a comfort thing for them at this point, so if you try to find other ways to comfort her, she will adjust. It's hard, but if you're going to be a happier mama in the end, it's worth it.

Best of luck TTC!!!

[ameliabedelia]

I can sooo totally relate to what you are going through. I think the progersterone mimics the hormonal enviroment you would have with pregnancy and you are experience nurisng aversion. I felt the same way when nursing through pregnancy and now tandem nursing. I can so relate to the feeling of resenting and hating nursing. If you feel that way, I absolutely think it is the right thing for you to wean or least limit nursing. LLL says nursing should continue as long as both mother and baby are happy with it. If you aren't happy, than it isn't working.

I can tell you what I did. Shortly after dd2 was born, I reached a point where I just couldnt' take nursing dd1 anymore. What I did was decide to let her 3 times a day (morning, nap, night, those were the times most important to her) and any other time she asked, I would distract, distract, distract. If she really was upset, I would sling her or walk around with her. Shortly after that she dropped the morning nurisng on her own. Just stopped asking for it. And, we dropped the night nursing when dh started putting her to bed most night. Now, she only nurses once a day during nap. She doesn't always take a nap each day, so what I do is set the timer for 15 mintues and lie in bed and read a good book and nurse her. If she falls asleep great. If the timer goes off before she asleep, we get up.I assume she doesn't need a nap that day. I am fine with nursing her just once a day, but if I wanted to completley wean it wouldn't be hard to drop that nurisng as well.

Personally, I find the advice to drop one nursing a time very confusing. When you nurse on demand, you dont' have set nursings to drop. It was just whenever she asked, it wasn't like we had a schedule. So basically what I did, was put her on a schedule of nursing 3 times a day, and from there gradually dropped the morning and night nursing.

[cakefaces mum]

Hi Lydia, I can totally empathize.
I have a 30 mo old who is dropping naps too (sigh) so I know all too well what they are like!
I also have a 4 month old.
The first trimester of my pg I wanted to push ds away and run from him! He did let me count ten ("butterflies or dinosaurs, you pick.") and
so metimes it was all I could do to grit my teeth to the count of ten. It was not only the sensitivity but I had extreme agitation.

I will tell you that I don't know how I made it through it, and not everyone has the agaitation in addition, so not everyone can really understand, and do not fault yourself for wanting to wean!

I do know that reading Adv in Tandem Nursing helped a lot.

I myself was just to lazy to wean. It still induces naptime and that is something that as a mom of two I'm just not willing to forfeit.

Also it was sweet in the early days as Cole would hold Cian's foot while they nursed.

Change anything you begin to resent. Good luck in this and in your new journey as mom to another.

Christy
Cole 6.9.02
Cian 8.6.04

[WithHannahsHeart]

Ameliab - We actually did/do have a 'schedule' of three to four nursings a day, but the last couple of weeks we've all been sick, so it got messed up. But we're all better now, so it's time to go back to that and even move past it, i think. Lately, the times she has actually napped, she hasn't asked for it after her nap. And i've not physically been able to nurse her to sleep (it can't be fun trying to go to sleep with mom weeping and biting her arm to keep from screraming). Getting her to sleep at night has been a nightmare (even tho she USED to go down for dh quite easily), and i'm not pushing naps (we are often out right before naptime - orchestrated as such, thank you - and frequently she will drop off in the car and i just put her in her bed). I'd rather her sleep early at night then spend hours getting all worked up to get her to sleep for one scant hour during the day.

It doesn't help that i've been so tired (i've even let myself think that possibly i am in fact pregnant and not just the progesterone : ) all i want to do is lay on the couch with her. And of course that is prime position to attack the boobies . I've discussed this with dh, and he is going to support us in this and help me with and through it.

[WithHannahsHeart]

Oh, and Christy, i recognize you from Ovusoft! Your boys are beautiful .

[chickabiddy]

Wow, 25 hits and one response. Are you all secretly thinking evil thoughts about me now because i want to wean my TWO year old? Thanks much, mamas.

Absolutely no evil thoughts here -- I didn't respond earlier because I don't really have any advice.

[Mama K]

Originally Posted by WithHannahsHeart

Wow, 25 hits and one response. Are you all secretly thinking evil thoughts about me now because i want to wean my TWO year old? Thanks much, mamas.

No advice here, as Katie's only 7 1/2 months old, but . Praying it all works out for you and that you are, indeed, pg!

[xenomama]

Oh, you mean mommy you. Ok, you've been effectively scolded. :LOL

But seriously, what you want is ok. Remember that if bfing is no longer working for *your family* (not just your child), then it's time to wean. You have very valid reasons. Hope on over to your local LLL meeting or library and check out "How Weaning Happens". It is an excellent resource on weaning, with discussions of techiniques for different situations and ages. I can't recommend it enough.

I wouldn't recommend the cabbage leaf - the last thing you want right now is a biting toddler, which is often the response moms get. While you're weaning, you might want to check www.kellymom.com for tips on nursing while TTC or pg, which would help you cope with the pain and frustration.

I'm nursing a 14mo, and every month, from ovulation to period, I'm mentally screaming "GET OFF!!!". That nipple senstivity thing is awful. You might also want to discuss lowering your progesterone supplements a little while your weaning to make it less painful for you. Just a thought. Best of luck on your weaning journey - I'm sorry that it's so negative for you right now.

[eminer]

It sounds like you already know what to do, and you just need a hug because you are nursing a barely-2yo under the influence of progesterone. So:

Chocolate may help, too! (For you, not her. Not that I would be above it for her, if it works...)

[velcromom]

Hee hee, I second the chocolate suggestion!!

Oh, I don't think evil thoughts of you!! I can't imagine being in your shoes, you are in a situation most of us don't encounter and I feel for both of you. I can hear the frustration in the tone of your post!

I can only offer you s and hope it gets better, whatever happens.