Question for Christian moms about discipline

[ChristusG]

Hi! I have a 7 month old DD, so I dont have to discipline her yet....but I'm wondering about this for future reference. I'm really on the fence about the whole gentle discipline thing. I'm a Christian, was raised in a Christian family, and was always taught that the Bible said that spanking was the correct thing to do. I was spanked as a child. But I did not receive spankings very often becuase my parents only used spankings as a very last resort. How does everyone interperet what the Bible says about spanking? I am sooooo confused about this. I want to do what's right in the Lord's eyes. How do I know?

[Colorful~Mama]

you might wanna read on www.gentlemothering.com

but heres some stuff to get you started.. in my opinion this is the best i've read on grace based discipline . Crystal is amazing. She frequents the message board and i have learned a great deal from her articles and her posts.
http://www.aolff.org/articles.htm

be sure to read "the spanking files" http://www.aolff.org/sf.htm
she discusses the word "rod" and its origins from greek, latin and hebrew and then after showing the origins of the word... she says (and i heartily agree)

If we’re going to obey Scripture we need to make sure we’re obeying what it really says. And the verses in the Bible that talk about discipline are verses that refer to the “shebet”, not the choter, the matteh, or the rhabdos. If you choose to spank your child with a twig you must know that you are NOT fulfilling the admonition of the Proverbs “rod” verses. If you choose to take the “rod” verses literally and beat your child with a rod then you must use a shebet--a large walking stick, a shepherd’s staff, or a king’s scepter. If, instead, you see that Proverbs is a compilation of wisdom sayings and the shebet was a symbol of the authority for a head of a household or a country, and you see that the emphasis on the discipline being done is teaching and correcting, and you love your children, you will not find a need to hit them with a rod of any kind.

and

the well-known saying “spare the rod, spoil the child” is not the wording found in any of the “rod verses” in the Bible. Instead it is a line from the Samuel Butler satirical poem “Hudibras” that ridicules the Victorian lifestyle. The very line today used to condone and even endorse the modern practice of spanking was originally penned to criticize and ridicule that same practice.

One can practice discipline with a firm voice, loving redirection and teaching and correcting of behaviors. G-d didn't say we should not discipline, but no where did He say we must hit our children to discipline them.

[Milkymommi]

Colorful~Mama
Great post!

I second the suggestion to check out the GM website. You'll find plenty of Mamas with lots of wisdom on this very topic. It's a tough one for those of us who are devoted to the Lord but refuse to just fall in line with false teachings on discipline. Sometimes it's not easy going against the grain but it sure does feel ALOT better doing what's right!! Follow your heart...

[annettemarie]

I would also suggest that you look at the book of Proverbs as a whole. It talks about sexual immorality, suitable companions, money, and other topics for young men and women. It was NOT written to be applied to small children!
Annette

[beanma]

i haven't read it, but you might be interested in dr sears' christian parenting book -- https://www.askdrsears.com/store/detail.asp?pid=16 .

The Christian Parenting Book * $24.95

"The main goal of this book," write Dr. William and Martha Sears, "is to help parents achieve what we believe are the three primary goals of Christian parenting to know your child, to help your child feel right, and to lead your child to Christ."

As the parents of eight, the husband/wife team has extensive first-hand experience in guiding the physical, emotional and spiritual development of children. This all-encompassing book combines a solid biblical workview with a medical professional's understanding of childhood and family development on topics including:


- Commitment to a God-centered life before your children are born

- Overcoming fear of childbirth

- Developing a parenting style

- Help for working mothers

- Discipline

- Schooling

- Sex education

- Single parenting

[FillingMyQuiver]

Originally Posted by beanma

i haven't read it, but you might be interested in dr sears' christian parenting book -- https://www.askdrsears.com/store/detail.asp?pid=16 .

I am in the process of reading this right now ( a very LONG process as I don't get much alone time to read ) So far I'm enjoying what I'm reading and finding it to be very helpful. I grew up in a Christian home that spanked and DH's father raised his 2 youn gest children according to Ezzo's "Christian" series, Growing Kids God's Way I decided to read Dr. Sear's Christian parenting book b/c I believe in GD and I wanted an "expert" to back me up when I taked parenting w/ FIL.

[phathui5]

I was going to recommend the Gentle Mothering site as well!

Be sure to read the articles section of that website, there are a lot of good ones.

For myself personally, I've never understood Christians spanking (I am Christian). It doesn't fit in with the way that Christ treated people. He led by example and taught with stories and such to tell people what they should do. The only time he was even close to violent was when the moneychangers were defiling the temple. Spanking a child does not seem like something He would do.

[RosieTook]

I second the links Barb gave you for Gentle Mothering and aolff...I also frequent GM and I second that Crystal is amazing, she is so wise and wonderful, I ordered her book and I can't wait to get it! There are also alot of other gentle Christian ladies there, and the support and info is excellent...oh, and they're funny too!

I was raised in a spanking Christian home, and I have found it fairly easy to realize that God would not in all likelihood want us to hit our children. My mother said that she swore she never would, but I changed her mind...I was a stubborn strong willed child who had issues due to extended CIO and seperate sleeping...and she didn't have the skills to parent me... So I am learning the skills before my daughter is old enough that I would take the 'easy' way out instead of following my heart...

[AllyRae]

Hmm...according to the book Parenting with Grace, (a Catholic parenting book), AP is the true Christian way to parent. That book states examples about how God said to love kids and the passage about "spare the rod" has been twisted and misinterpreted.

[KLBeech]

gentle christian mothers...

i love this site-- you should really check it out!!

http://www.gentlemothering.com/ i think someone posted it!!! its great!

[mamajama]

I have a friend who is a shepherd. For real.
This may sound simplistic but your post reminded me of something he told me. Haven't talked to him in years but I remember he said the "rod" used for sheep has two ends. The curved end at the top was used to pull the sheep out if they got stuck in brambles or began to stray away from the safety of the group. The straight end was used as a weapon to keep the wolves away. A little food for thought, I suppose.

[Wilhemina]

Originally Posted by Zack419

I decided to read Dr. Sear's Christian parenting book b/c I believe in GD and I wanted an "expert" to back me up when I taked parenting w/ FIL.

Great info already, but this popped out at me. I apologize in advance if I am overstepping my bounds here, but I want to warn you that no matter how much great info you have to share, your FIL may not be open to hearing it. I try to approach my IL's with the humility to listen to what they have to share, but with the absolute confidence that I AM THE MOTHER, and there suggestions are just that, suggestions. I am under no obligation to explain or defend myself on points with which they take issue.

(I don't have big IL issues. Even so, this approach has helped in a couple of occassions).

Now, back OT :

[RiceMomma]

I simply could never imagine Jesus ever raising a hurtful hand to any child. As a matter of fact, in Matt 18:6, regarding children, he says "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

And don't you (general you, just how my thoughts are coming out) think that Mary and Joseph treated Jesus as a child as the child of God he was? Aren't all of our children from God? Just think of how Mary and Joseph must have treated Jesus when they found him missing from their caravan, and found him back in the temple teaching. How many times do our own children do things we don't understand? Do you think Mary and Joseph spanked Jesus? Surely we shouldn't spank our children, God's children, either.

[FillingMyQuiver]

Originally Posted by Ann Marie

Great info already, but this popped out at me. I apologize in advance if I am overstepping my bounds here, but I want to warn you that no matter how much great info you have to share, your FIL may not be open to hearing it. I try to approach my IL's with the humility to listen to what they have to share, but with the absolute confidence that I AM THE MOTHER, and there suggestions are just that, suggestions. I am under no obligation to explain or defend myself on points with which they take issue.

(I don't have big IL issues. Even so, this approach has helped in a couple of occassions).

Now, back OT :

No overstepping bounds Thank you for your reply to my post I do approach "hot topics" with the humility to listen, however, it usually turns to FIL doling out his "wisdom" as if it is the LAW. Most of the time I don't fall for the bait and I leave the issue to lie, but there are times when our parenting decisions are attacked and I feel it is better to be armed with the truth then nothing at all. Also, I have found that often, FIL is just ignorant of other ways to do things. He has 2 much younger children (neither one is over 10 yet) for which he used the Ezzo philosophy to raise. His wife did not bf, they allowed their children to CIO, and co-sleeping *gasp* :LOL When I have the research of Dr. Sears, combined with scripture, I feel more confident when my parenting style is attacked.
Just as an example, FIL told me (when DS was 4mo old) that I should NOT have him sleeping in bed w/ us, and that I should night wean him so that we ALL get a "good night's sleep". I explained (very kindly and patiently) that bfed babies need that night nursing usually until at least a year and that by him nursing at night, it also helped my milk supply keep up w/ his growth.
I know that many times, his view will not be swayed, and I recognize that, but sometimes I like to throw out information to help educate him

[luckylady]

The curved end at the top was used to pull the sheep out if they got stuck in brambles or began to stray away from the safety of the group. The straight end was used as a weapon to keep the wolves away. A little food for thought, I suppose.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is awesome. Very thought provoking.

When my MIL got on me about how I was raising my DD, I shared with her my beliefs and my research. She told me I needed to spank DD (at 9 mos) and I asked her is hse was spanked. Of course, she replied. Do you remember anything you were ever spanked for? she thought...no, I just remember being spanked.

I told her my goal in parenting is not to control my DD through fear and power, but to instill in her the ability to make the right decisions when I am NOT around to control her.

She has never bothered me about it again.

A long time ago there was a great thread on here about reasons not to spank. I have a copy if you are interested.