therapy question

[sweetymom]

I hope everyone's hectic holidaze are going well. Just home watching the snow fall and pondering my need for therapy. I am in my 30's and have suffered sexual abuse as a child, rape as a teen, negelect from parents, emotional abuse from ex, extreme low self esteem. I have always managed to rise above, either with inner strength or alcohol. Needless to say I don't turn to alcohol anymore. But lately my inner strenth is dim. I my moods are so liable. One minute fine the next minute the bitch from hell. My poor ds and dh. I am one stressed out lady. Family, house, job, school (although I graduate in four months). My family is great. They totally support me. I couldn't ask for more love and understanding from them. My life is actually good right now. I am on the path I want to be on, but at times I feel lost and need help from more than my family or myself. Anyway, I've been thinking about the need for professional help. I just don't know how to go about doing it. I know I want a woman therapist. But I don't know what kind. How do I find out about therapist in my area? I have insurance, but I am not sure how much they pay for mental health services. How do I find out? Do I just call up the insurance agency and say "I'm going crazy and need help. Can you financially assist?" Any advice?

[myrrhmaid]

yes, call your insurance co. or call the mental health services in your area. i called mhs about 18 yrs ago when i was in crisis and based on my income-1,300 a mo-it only cost me 3.33 a visit. my therapist was a wonderful woman who helped me greatly. also look for resources like peer support groups for survivors. there are also crisis lines you can call who will have support/info on resources in your area.
we could be sisters, sister, your history sounds too gawdawful familiar. i recommend the book -oh i can't remember the name right now-grrrrr....i'll get back to you with it.
my most important advice-learn to love yourself. it is the keystone to regaining the joy in your life!

[heatherdeg]

Seconding the "love yourself"/self-acceptance part... definitely a key. If you love yourself, you won't care what anyone else in the world thinks--and that removes alot of the downer thoughts.

I've been in therapy most of my life. FYI (I'm not sure if you know this--you might already):

PSYCIAtrists prescribe medicine. It has been my experience that they R A R E L Y spend much time really delving into your real problems and are simply assuming that the problem can be medicated away. They spend enough time with you to assess your symptoms so they can determine the best drug to "fix" it... usually no more than 15-20 minutes. Like I said, there is a rare exception to this.

PSYCHOLogists are going to talk it out with you and can't prescribe meds (at least not in my state), but can often assess whether they think you might need meds and refer you to the psychiatrist.

CSW/LSW/MSW are social workers and many work as therapists. Personally, I really find them to be great--especially when dealing with group dynamics (how you fit, how you affect, how they affect) and so when I went for marital counseling w/DH, this is the route we went.

Some therapists will do alot of talking/advising, but most of the ones I have been to will ask you questions and let you talk yourself into understanding the problem through answering their questions. Kind of like leading you to the heart of your thoughts and feelings through their questions. But DH had one once that took this to the extreme... he'd start the session with one question and expect DH to talk the entire 50 minutes. Once DH thought the guy was actually sleeping (although he was able to repeat back the prior 3 minutes of DH's speaking).

HTH!

[kamilla626]

Just wanted to add...

Once you find out what your insurance will cover, you should ask about seeing a therapist who has experience in working with trauma survivors. The effects of childhood trauma can run deep and there are a lot of therapists out there who are specially trained in dealing with the problems that sexual abuse can stir up.

Good luck to you. It sounds like you know what you need and that's a huge part of taking care of yourself.

[myrrhmaid]

sweetymom, I remember the book The courage to heal by Laura Bass
It reaallly is helpful explaining all the different stages of healing and coping mechanisms and work pages. If you can't find a copy i know i have an extra kicking around here some where. LMK if you want it.

and yes, like heather said-you want a psychologist to work with, not a psychiatrist.

[tinybutterfly]

[MsMoMpls]

As a psychologist I suggest calling and doing a phone interview. Just kind of get a feel for their style. It is kind of like a blind date. Don't feel like you have to return or even explain if it isn't what you want. You will know. If you think you need someone really supportive and nurturing, say so. If you want some one more practical and solution focused, ask for that. I call us hand holders and butt kickers and most of the time I fall more on the butt kickers side. But I do work with trauma and sexual abuse. Just think that it sounds like you have done pretty good so far, just need to jump the next hurdle. Don't tell your insurance too much, just ask for a couple of referrals to female therapists in your area. I don't know any female therapist who don't do trauma work. Sadly, it is just so common.

Any other questions? Just ask- here or PM me.

Oh- Courage to Heal rocks!! Great book for you and they have one for partners that is really helpful too- like Partners in Healing or something.

[stirringleaf]

hi..

i skimmed through the responses and it didnt look like anyone suggested this but have you considered mental health services at your school? you mentioned you were in college, and usually they have a mental health clinic at universities , and at mine they let you go 6 times for free, and then charge only $10 for further appointments. if you have one, it might even be a student in training sort of clinic and while that sounds like it may mean its substandard, actually its good cuz if you have a student councillor, they have to report to a real therapist and you will get extra expertise and help that way, like your own team! LOL

I had a really good experience using the councilling services at my school. plus they are sensitive to the special pressures involved in being in school.

you are taking on alot mama, and i can relate to your experience very much.

you asked what you should say when you call...i would tell them what you wrote above, it is a good description.

i have noticed that when things start to go good for me that i suddenly get edgy and moody and cant cope and feel under pressure. it think its something left from childhood where i am preparing for the "bad things" to happen, or maybe if things are going OK its just so unfamiliar that i am jittery. who knows but i can really relate to that thought right there.

take care of yourself, i hope you find something that helps

[stirringleaf]

ps i just wanted to add that even if you are going to a community college or somethign that doesnt have a mental health clinic, some univerisities will take non-students so it is worth calling a university in your area ( if there is one) to find out, if you are not able to afford whatever your insurance covers

[velcromom]

I just wanted to encourage you, therapy was the best thing I've done for myself ever. I saw a cognitive therapist and it felt more like the "butt-kicking" style of therapy LOL I mean that in a good way; it was just what I needed to turn my thoughts around. I went for 4 years and still use what I learned to this day. I think of that time often with appreciation and wish I could say thanks to my therapist for putting up with me!